Different perspectives on clutter!!

pocketpairs · 2025-11-25T10:03:44+00:00

I grew in a small council house with several siblings, so space was very limited, so have an aversion to clutter. DW dislikes waste and very much likes things on display - thinks it adds character. DW & I have difference of opinion about what I perceive as clutter, & as we're running out of space (small 3 bed semi) some of my grumbles are : - Stop keeping things like glass jars (to one one fill will homemade jam). They are 10 a penny! - Displaying things (i.e. fridge magnets) from other people's holidays. - Give away old toys and books that DCs will never use again (i.e. Mr Men books) - Stop accepting things from (her) family which (I think) they just dumping on us (eg. old printer or GCSE revision guides) - Not every flat surface needs something. It can just be left empty. Sooo..am I overreacting??

olderbutwiser · 25/11/2025 10:15

There’s a happy medium to be had. The “beautiful or useful (as in useful to you, not to some hypothetical other being)” measure is a good one I think.

The old toys and dumped stuff would definitely have to go for me, but I’d trade them for a few extra fridge magnets to keep the peace.

NuffSaidSam · 25/11/2025 10:28

You're not overreacting, but it's just a difference of opinion. There isn't a right or wrong. You need to find a compromise.

Perhaps engage the children in a clear out of old toys in order to make some space for Santa to bring them some new ones at Christmas. Or engage them in a clear out of old toys in recognition that they have lots and other kids have much less and it would be good to donate things that they've grown out of.

Stillpoor · 25/11/2025 10:58

I can't stand clutter.
I was raised in a home with clutter all table tops and sides had clutter on it.
Im a minimalist.

When i go in someone's home and it's clear tidy neat.
No junk just the bare look I think this person has their life in order.

Seeing a cluttered home I think get me out I can't breathe to much going on.

Whichone1 · 25/11/2025 11:00

I can’t stand clutter/ my worst nightmare in a house!

StruggleFlourish · 30/11/2025 02:07

You're not wrong, most of the items that you describe could definitely leave your lives and would not create a gaping hole.
But some people find comfort in clutter, and being surrounded by things. To them, the physical thing and the emotional/memory of a thing or event or place or person is the same.
If you lived in a one bedroom apartment, you literally couldn't keep everything.
If there was a stuffed animal that your first boyfriend gave you, you'd have to take a photo of it, and then donate it away because you simply don't have room for that plus 10 million other things.
It is true that not every surface needs to be covered in clutter, but many people can't live the "clean" way that you suggest.
Perhaps if you had a discussion with your wife and you made compromises for instance, no more than 12 jam jars, after that, they have to go. 12 max. Not 12 of each size, 12 max. And if seeing a bunch of mismatched magnets from Friends vacations on your fridge gives you a stressful feeling, then make a compromise that the fridge has to be bare except for perhaps three plain strong magnets and no more than three note papers/minders on the fridge at one time.
If she doesn't want to get rid of the magnet souvenirs from friends, get a thin sheet of metal, stick the magnets to the metal and then stick that sheet say for instance inside the closet door where she keeps her clothes so that when she wants to see it, it's there. Chances are she'll never look at it, she just can't stand to give away these things that friends have demonstrated that "I was thinking of you while I was away"... It's not that you need the magnet to prove friendship Worth or anything like that but, some people might see it that way. It's very difficult to get rid of these things.

I think your post has inspired me to do a little decluttering around my home. Thank you.

Original poster

pocketpairs · 30/11/2025 15:41

StruggleFlourish · 30/11/2025 02:07

You're not wrong, most of the items that you describe could definitely leave your lives and would not create a gaping hole.
But some people find comfort in clutter, and being surrounded by things. To them, the physical thing and the emotional/memory of a thing or event or place or person is the same.
If you lived in a one bedroom apartment, you literally couldn't keep everything.
If there was a stuffed animal that your first boyfriend gave you, you'd have to take a photo of it, and then donate it away because you simply don't have room for that plus 10 million other things.
It is true that not every surface needs to be covered in clutter, but many people can't live the "clean" way that you suggest.
Perhaps if you had a discussion with your wife and you made compromises for instance, no more than 12 jam jars, after that, they have to go. 12 max. Not 12 of each size, 12 max. And if seeing a bunch of mismatched magnets from Friends vacations on your fridge gives you a stressful feeling, then make a compromise that the fridge has to be bare except for perhaps three plain strong magnets and no more than three note papers/minders on the fridge at one time.
If she doesn't want to get rid of the magnet souvenirs from friends, get a thin sheet of metal, stick the magnets to the metal and then stick that sheet say for instance inside the closet door where she keeps her clothes so that when she wants to see it, it's there. Chances are she'll never look at it, she just can't stand to give away these things that friends have demonstrated that "I was thinking of you while I was away"... It's not that you need the magnet to prove friendship Worth or anything like that but, some people might see it that way. It's very difficult to get rid of these things.

I think your post has inspired me to do a little decluttering around my home. Thank you.

Thanks, some really helpful suggestions.

OP posts:

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 15:51

Old toys and books that are no longer used, get rid. Family dumping their old shit on you, put a stop to it. Literally take it to their vehicle and put it back in if they try to bring their old crap in. Your place is not their trash can or recycling dump. I also got rid of old jars. I do keep a few for painting and craft but they have to earn their keep.

On the fridge magnets, compromise. Half the fridge door has them half doesn't.