Albu here? Child not given dinner

[sundaydayisnotmyfundayday]

My husband and I do not have an easy marriage. I am making an exit strategy but it is going to take time. As far as DH is concerned we are just "pottering along".

I've been out tonight with a friend. I worked until 6pm and was being picked up at quarter past so at lunchtime I made a bolognese sauce which meant all DH had to do was cook the pasta for himself and DS 11 and reheat the sauce. DH is useless in the kitchen (his words) and refuses to cook but he pays the bills so I just get on with it.

I have just got home and questioned why only 1 dish was by the sink. Apparently Dh asked DS if he wanted dinner and DS said no so DH just made it for himself. Ds has not eaten anything since his packed lunch at around 1pm.

I feel so incredibly frustrated by this. I just know that DS will have spent all night on his ps5 because DH would have maybe asked once and let him do whatever.
I would have told him to turn it off and eat dinner (as I do every other night)

Am I wrong in feeling like the only parent in this house!? Would you have just let your 11yr old go without dinner like that!?

What's that got to do with anything? What does it even mean?

There’s clearly more going on here but I personally can’t see an issue with an 11yo choosing to miss dinner as a one-off.

Husband definitely skimping on parenting there, imho, so you're right to be annoyed at him. 👍

He shouldn't have asked if DS wanted dinner. Why would he even do that. Dinner is ready in 5 mins is all that is necessary to give ds time to end game, wash his hands and get down to the table. I'd have been furious too OP.

Thanks everyone. Well DH hasn't said a word to me yet today and he appears to have decided to work from home. Great.

Probably to ‘punish’ you so you don’t go out again.

It's not going to hurt him to miss one meal and perhaps next time he will say he wants to eat. Having said that in my house I tell my kids when dinner is ready (and two of them are much older than your DS). It actually wouldn't occur to me to ask if they want dinner, I just cook it and assume they will eat it (which they do).

I don't understand the mentality of asking a child if they want dinner. You make it, call them to the table and all sit and eat. End. (Obviously if they don't want it all they don't have to eat it all.)

At 11 the child should be eating a meal in the evening. OP had done the donkey work by cooking the meal, all DH had to do was cook some pasta & heat up the sauce - not difficult and, in my book, doesn't count a 'cooking'. He should have insisted that DS put his game away, come to the table and at least push his food around the plate. I'm sure that DS would have eaten it if it had been put in front of him.

It would also have been a chance for DH & DS to spend some father & son time alone, to chat etc.

Me too.

When I had children at home, they would be given a 30 minute warning - dinner will be on the table in 30 minutes, 10 minutes before I would ask them to wash their hands & help lay the table, dish up etc. They would also have to stay to help wash up & put everything away afterwards.

It never occurred to me to ask if they wanted anything to eat.

If he asked and the boy said no, how did you expect him to deal with it? Serve food in front of the PS5? Drag him downstairs? Switch off the PS5 and then have a blow out argument that results in very little food being eaten anyway?

At my house the kids understand that when I or dad call them for dinner they MUST come down because it’s family time but they don’t have to eat it if they don’t want to & everything else (even homework) comes second. If you don’t have that culture at home you’ll have to build it at home & it’s vital you do so if you’re going to leave him.

We eat together usually every evening. I usually call ds to let him know dinner will be 10 mins. He finishes up with what he is doing and comes downstairs and sets the table.

He knows that if he ignores me then the consequences are that his screens are confiscated for 24 hours. This is not new. I rarely get pushback. But I would not tolerate him just refusing to come downstairs with no follow up or conversation.

He knows that with DH he can just do what he likes because DH cannot be bothered to follow through.

You're divorcing anyway, so enjoy the peace and continue with your plans for your future.

I suspect they really didn't want to spend time with that awful father 1-1

Your husband sounds very lazy and that he took the easiest option and just fed himself. Didn’t do the washing up either by the sounds of it? And didn’t parent the child at all. Two more reasons to leave him.

I don't think this is a huge issue. He asked your son did he want dinner and your son said no. Your dh still cooked pasta just less of it. Presumedly he assumed your ds would cook some if he was hungry or ask him to do so.

DH should have grabbed a funnel and force fed him

@Dibrew so what !
how will that help the OP

It was to show that not all children need to be asked if they’d like dinner, and so it’s something to eventually aspire to (DC cooking for the family)

In that case treat it like a parental difference. After you leave him you can parent your child as you want & whatever happens on Dad’s time goes to social services / court if it impacts your son negatively.

What an odd thing to say