Partner is really getting to me !

[peachyrose]

He keeps answering for me all the time where our kids are concerned for example today - my dd came running in to ask me if her friend could come after school it was said abit like this “ can xx come and play after school mummy “
dp isn’t even home when they come home from school so it doesn’t really concern him and we will have taken her friend home by the time he is home from work !

he then answers for me !!!
he does this a lot!
he also finishes what I’m doing alot of the time so if I’ve made dd lunch the night before he’ll put out the rest of it in the morning or if I’ve put jackets in the oven and then taken dd swimming I come home and he’s put veg on ( we was having salad ) and he wasn’t even eating with us he was off to play football so it wasn’t like he fancied veg, he says he’s helping but he makes me feel so incapable especially answering for me. How can I stop this ? I’ve ask so many times for him to stop it but he just keeps doing it

Do the same to him so he can experience how frustrating and infantalising his behaviour is.

WTF. YABVU. You planned for salad, he was not aware of this & cooked veg - how is this an issue? You just eat veg rather than salad & he saved you a job 🤷🏻‍♀️

What do you say at the time when he answers for you?

Is his answer the same as what yours would be?

Yanbu, answering for someone else when they’re right there is bloody rude.

The finishing things off may be genuinely trying to be helpful but the example of doing veg when you’d planned on salad isn’t really - maybe it doesn’t matter but it’d be annoying if the salad needed eating that day and was therefore wasted.

Another classic example! I don’t very well at all, mixture of eating my safe foods and literally junk, been having stomach cramps on and off for a while spoke with. A doctor with the plan being bloods and stool sample and then possible camera to look inside, in the mean time I thought I’d try and sort out my diet so best way for me to do that is meal plan, I asked partner if I made a meal plan when he does the shopping could he please make sure I’m stocked up to see meal plan through and this is how the conversation went “ I’m going to do a meal plan for myself please would you be able to make……
then he butts in and says “ I think I do a good job of making sure we have food for us all “ he started doing the shopping when Covid hit and we were only allowed one person in the shop so I stayed home with our dd at the time, when I suggested I’ll do the shopping he then says “ we can do it together “ !

Answering for you no he needs to stop.
Can't see anything wrong with the lunch thing, you did some he did some. That's literally splitting 50/50. Again shopping/meal planning why not do it together? If he is buying veg, salad and stuff doesn't sound like he is doing a bad job. What do you want him to get that he doesn't? If you just want something specific for your self pop in the supermarket on your way home and grab it.

if he won’t listen to you about what you need to eat, I guess you’ll have to go out and buy what you need, and he’ll have to eat up what he got that you can’t eat or waste it. But obviously he ought to have basic respect for you and let you finish what you’re saying and take it on board! what would happen if you make a list of what you need for your meal plan and give it to him, just say ‘this is what I need to try to manage my diet to control my cramps’ or whatever?
Fwiw my DH also started doing all the shopping during covid (he’s retired, I’m not yet) but if there’s anything I want then of course I can tell him and he’ll get it.

I’m just so fed up with it all he showers every night and washes in the morning I must have 3 baths to his 7 showers plus 7 washes ! I ask him to watch our baby ( 5 months whilst I bath and as soon as I’m out the bath he texts or calls up to ask if he should bring baby to me, I’m still soaking wet not washed my face teeth etc !

he has often made comments about going to the shop if I go in the week like we go to the shop too much etc xx

Do you think he's doing it so he can claim he's doing his bit, or fair share? Sounds like he's fobbing off the bulk of the childcare on to you... But can then say he does 50/50 by doing the shopping, popping the veg on 🤔