To feel like cleaning is impossible???

[CarefulCalm]

My eldest DD has a medical condition, which can be time consuming to manage. I work part time, I spend my evenings driving my children back and forth to clubs. Then there’s the cooking, clearing up dishes, washing and drying clothes, helping with homework, the endless tidying up. There’s the car to clean out, the packed lunches to make. I just feel like I rarely get to the point of getting the cleaning done.

DH is rarely home due to his work commitments, and we don’t have any family around to help with anything. On my 2 days off, I either end up being called into work for overtime, taking DD to medical appointments or rarely, I can get on with some jobs. The problem is, I am completely exhausted, and don’t understand how all the other mums I know are managing.

Any advice????

DH is rarely home due to his work commitments

I actually swear that before I opened the thread, I knew I was going to read that.

Mumsnet is full of women with husbands who tend to do little to bugger all because 'work commitments'.

But often when you break it down, they're doing little to bugger all because they can get away with it.

Unless he's working 7 days a week from morning until night, he can start doing more.

Unfortunately he has to travel for work. There is no way round it at the moment and we spend a lot of time apart. He actually does loads when he’s here, so I can’t complain too much on that front.

Get a cleaner/ get the kids to help?

I've done both, and it's taken a huge weight off.
One kid does the dishwasher, the other does the bins. And the cleaner comes once a week for 2 hours.

Makes me life so much easier!

Get a cleaner. I know it's easier said than done, but it will be money so well spent. I'd cut back on almost anything to afford a cleaner in your situation because your time is more valuable than anything at the moment.

You're going as much as you can! Other people may have fewer balls to juggle. Their DH's might do more, they might have family. Paid help?? But it doesn't matter, all that matters is your life!!

I seriously doubt your DH can't pull his weight more than he is.EDIT just read your second post, so maybe not!

Are you managing to keep the kitchen & bathroom(s) hygienic?

what is not getting done?

can you afford a cleaner? Even as an occasional thing if not regularly?

I live alone & since my stroke I've had to let things go a bit. I manage to keep the bathroom & kitchen clean & hygenic. But the floors don't get vacuumed much at all & my bed gets changed much less frequently as it's very difficult for me to remake it (mainly putting the duvet cover back on & frankly the whole thing takes way more energy than I have. I have a window cleaner (thankfully) so the outsides get done monthly, but the insides haven't been done all year 🙄

i managed to keep on top of laundry (there's only me!). I have a weekly tesco delivery (which I've had for years, pre Covid)

For various reasons I choose not to have a cleaner, but if certain personal things were different, I would.

How old are the children? Are they able to help?

I now use coverless duvets which are a game changer. I got mine from the fine bedding xo and also use a top sheet. I have both summer and winter ones.

I don’t understand why parents put their kids in so many clubs and complain they are always running around picking up and dropping off.

In your case you can decline overtime and pull your children from their clubs.

Clean the car out?? What the hell is in there? It doesn’t need to be valet fresh. Just make sure people with leave with what they arrive with and it kinda takes care of itself!
how old are the kids and how much could they be contributing?

It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong, it’s just an impossible task. You can’t do it all!
I’ve tried apps, schedules, just doing 15 min here and there etc. The house is still a mess. We’re all just too busy and I’d mostly rather be doing the other things I have to do than housework. Essentially to fit in the cleaning I’d have to give up something else and the only thing I want to give up is my job, but I need the money so I can’t do that.
I discovered recently that many families I know who seem to keep on top of the cleaning have cleaners. So, I’d recommend you either get a cleaner or you just lower your standards and accept the house will be a bit less clean during this stage of life.

Cut down on children’s clubs. One each in an evening and one each at the weekend, max. Then plan different tasks for each evening, including the children as appropriate.

I'm a single mum, work full time, have the same sort of problem. A few things that have helped.

• I put a load of washing on as soon as I get home in the evenings. Hang on the dryer before bed. That way it's already dry for the weekend, and changing beds is faster.
• Every time I cook, I make extra. Enough for two meals or enough for my lunch next day.
• DCs have school lunches.
• I empty the dish washer or take out the rubbish while waiting for the kettle to boil first thing. Every spare moment is used.
• Tidying - get your dcs to help. They get something out, they put it away.
• Food - choose things that are quick & simple to prepare. Today I made a casserole in a slo-cooker. Five mins to prep, then turn on and go do something else. Or pan fried salmon, bread & butter and frozen veg. Five minutes to make. Butcher sausages & mustard mash etc. If it takes longer than 10 mins to prep, cook something else.
• Let your standards drop a little, As long as the kitchen & bathroom are clean, the bedrooms can go another day without tidying/hoovering.
• Pay your eldest to tidy the inside of the car (if old enough)

Decent storage is a big step in keeping things tidy. Get a cleaner - prioritise before the first visit getting stuff put away so she can clean unimpeded. I don't have your responsibilities and I have had a cleaner my entire married life.(

Can you refuse the overtime? Not much point working part-time if you're being called back in at short notice.

Choose easy care surfaces. I had angst over choosing vinyl wood planking in the kitchen. It has been remarkably easy care - much more than our polished wooden floors. Choose serviceable dark colours - I still have nightmares over a bathroom with white flooring I got in a moment of madness.

Use cold water for machine washing and use the dryer if you can possibly afford it. It beats all sort of wet washing and dashing out to the line. Experiment with a few one pot meals to minimise washing up. I often cook double batches and put one meal in the freezer for when I really don't feel like cooking.

Depending on the age of the children, are they pulling their weight? I am not meaning that they should be pressed into domestic servitude but can they start to take over responsibility for their packed lunches. It is not difficult to put a filling between two slices of buttered bread and tuck in a banana or a muffin or whatever you currently do. Or one of them set the table.

I would be thinking about cutting down the number of clubs. You can't wear yourself into a frazzle thinking about them being well rounded. I learnt piano and ice skating as a child and I have to say they have been of limited utility to me later in life.

Hi, sorry, I meant to say I had looked into using them, but I don't think one would fit in my washing machine & I don't have a tumble dryer so I think it would be too difficult to get it dried.

but thank you for the suggestion.

Surely you work pt for a reason? So ditch the overtime for a start. Who's having the kids when you go into work at the weekend? Could they have them for an hour or so now and again until you get on top of things?

I have always worked full-time since my kids were little and the only way I have found to keep on top of things is to stick to a rigid routine - ie things get done in a certain order on a daily basis, bigger things like beds are done once a week on a Sunday without fail etc. I chose to sacrifice sleep to keep things ticking over and have been getting up at about 5am for almost 20 years to give myself time to get things done before work.

If kids are doing clubs they’re old enough to help pick up and tidy - they can help with dishes etc - if they don’t then cut their clubs

I found it easier as a full time working single parent when I worked 'smarter not harder'.

Eg clearing out the car - take a carrier bag out to put rubbish in and spend 30 seconds doing it before getting out of the car. It might take longer the first time but then you're just keeping on top of it.

Use the few minutes it takes to boil a kettle to wipe the surfaces, do a quick load of washing up.

Put stuff straight in the washing machine when it's taken off/on the way to the shower or whatever instead of the laundry basket.

If you're cooking dinner, double the amount and keep it in the fridge and have the same 2 nights later so it just needs heating up.

Clean the shower before you get out of it; clean the toilet before you go to work; wipe over the sink daily and clean it once a week. It reduces cleaning the bathroom from 20 mins once a week to a few mins here and there.

Choose one room to have a quick tidy round a day - 10 mins (it's surprising how much you can get done).

Put things away rather than down to put away later.

Childen should be learning to take responsibility so mine made their packed lunches from KS2 onwards and enjoyed doing it. They also stripped and remade their own beds from around 6/7 and enjoyed putting the washing machine. It felt like fun to them rather than 'chores'.

I just used to say, "Right, we're going to do X for the next 10/20/30 mins," and we'd focus on that and get it done so we could do something nice together.

Or, "I'm going to do this before I take you to Y. Let's see if you can do Z before I've finished!"

It is possible once you get into a routine with it and you're just keeping on top of things. There's nothing worse than looking at a long list of stuff you've got to do and feeling like there no time to do it.