To feel upset by one of my best friends.....

[Madeamistake21]

Will try and keep it short. I have what I call a best friend of 7 years but questioning it now. We help each other out with kids/ horses etc.

She asks nothing about me apart from am i ok? Then goes on to talk about herself.

It was my birthday last Thursday, I messaged her at 8pm and said I wont be over tomorrow ( I keep my horse at her yard) and my friend would come do horse, she replied no worries. She didnt wish me happy birthday all day. Then at 9.40pm she messaged me saying happy birthday and her FB didnt go through. I am sure the same thing happened last year too.

Ive seen her several times since and she hasnt even mentioned my birthday or said what did I do?

I just feel a bit hurt, maybe I am being sensitive. Her birthday is ina couple of weeks.

You might regard her as your bff, but it doesn't sound reciprocal. How have you treated each other's birthday the past 7 years?

She doesn't sound like a best friend. Best friends arrange nights out for your birthday, get you presents and are interested in your life.

Are you sure you're not just friends of convience?

Mirror her.

For her birthday do exactly what happened for yours.

She doesnt class you as her bff. You might think of her as yours but its not reciprocal

Some people just aren’t birthday people.

It is just an extra layer of life admin to keep on top of and if she has a big family etc with plenty of birthdays to try and remember she just might not have remembered yours.

Hardly any of my friends message me to wish me a happy birthday and I’ve never once thought anything of it. I message on theirs because that’s who I am - if they aren’t big on celebrating other peoples birthdays they don’t change for one person. Life’s too short to get hung up on things like that. She DID message you on the day though, so what exactly is the issue? Why would she mention it afterwards when she wished you a happy birthday on the day? You sound very needy…

The one sided friendship in terms of conversation is a different matter though. It doesn’t sound like she’s particularly interested in you and your life. Unless you aren’t telling us that you talk covertly about what’s going on so that’s why she doesn’t ask you - she already knows!

She's barely a friend, let alone a "best friend".

The way you describe your interactions I'd say you're acquaintances in the horse world.

Maybe she's not a birthday person.

Got to admit I’m not a birthday person ( I’m 63) so couldn’t actually tell you the exact date of a few of my friends birthdays unless they arrange a meet up - some people are like thisOP , I wouldn’t take it personally - the other thing is maybe to her you are ‘a good friend’ and she has lots of them , whereas she means more to you as you possibly have fewer close friends. I have a friend like this, I used to get uptight about it but realised that this was indeed the situation and she spreads herself a bit thinly - she’s a lovely person though who I like in my life so I’ve learnt not to take things personally if she can’t meet up etc .

If you've got horses, kids, jobs, homes to juggle, then a quick happy birthday message at night from a good friend isn't something I would be offended by. The only people I make a fuss for are my dc, dh and my parents.

Hmmm, not necessarily. None of my friends or I exchange gifts for birthdays or Christmas and if someone wants a night out for their birthday they'd say 'Anyone fancy coming out for a meal/drinks for my birthday?' rather than everyone else arranging it for them. Everyone's different.

It sounds to me as if the OP and her friend just have really different expectations.

She messaged you on your birthday. I can't imagine why she'd need to ask you in detail about what you did. You're not 10?!

That wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd just do the same for her birthday, a message. Which is enough.

My best friends get a message on their birthday to say happy birthday and maybe ask what plans they have. We don’t buy each other presents or talk about it afterwards unless we know they did something specific.

We have proven to each other in other ways that we are worthy of the best friend title.

I’m sad at the number of people don’t expect it to be a basic component of friendship to remember friends’ birthdays.

id be upset, OP, but also knowing the horse world, friendships are often fickle, fleeting and of convenience.

My friends celebrate their birthdays with their families. If it's a special birthday they might invite each other to an event they've organised. I send a happy birthday text to some if I remember on the day, same with wider family as we don't necessarily meet on birthdays either. My oldest friends and I still send each other cards by post but with newer friends this doesn't happen. Doesn't bother me either way.

It sounds like you have a ‘close’ transactional friendship (due to the kids and horses) but not an ACTUAL close friendship (where you confide in each other, support each other emotionally etc).
Adjust your expectations and match that energy.

No idea about horses but isn't her keeping your horse at her stables for you a huge deal?

Do you pay her? Who pays for food and everything?

Maybe she is getting annoyed...

That’s my experience too -