AIBU to skip this part of the Hen Party?

[HenDilemma]

I’m due to attend a hen party next year. The suggested plans for it are spread over a few days. The second day includes something that I’m not ok with attending for personal ethical reasons. Would you skip just that day/event or would it be best to skip it entirely? I’ve no interest in lecturing the other guests with my views but it’s definitely not something that I’m comfortable with attending.

So what would you do? Skip that part or skip the whole thing? I’m happy to do either especially if that allows someone else to attend who’d appreciate the whole thing.

TIA

I'm guessing horse racing! I think you can be honest with the bride no?

With your thing about another person having the place that's a bit odd. There isn't usually a wait list for hens!

I'm guessing it's horse racing? A lot of people don't agree with it so Im sure they will understand you would rather skip it.

my first thought was also horse racing

I had this on one hen do and explained to the organiser, I felt very uncomfortable with X part and I was happy to not come at all or come afterwards. Organisers said not to worry as I wasn’t the only one and a few of us arranged to meet them later so not a big deal. (Organisers were my friends as well which made it easier to be fair.)

Shall we all guess? I reckon an illegal cock fight.

You’re right. It is horse racing which I detest because of the animal welfare issues and because of its associations with gambling. I’ve no interest in making it the bride’s issue but it’s a definite no for me.

If the focus of the hen weekend is horse racing I would politely decline the overall invitation.

I think it's fair enough you not being up for that. Unless you want to do the rest of it I would make an excuse and not attend.

I'd be totally honest. Send a private message to whoever is organising. "sorry I'm not comfortable with X, I'm not here to debate it and I'd love to come to the rest of the hen do".

how reactionary is the bride/group? most people are aware that there are others disagree with horse racing and rub along just fine and don't feel attacked by the notion that someone else isn't up for it.

I'd be upfront about it. I've declined part of a hen do previously for similar reasons - I joined them for a meal afterwards.

I find this sort of thread baffling, tbh.

How can you be close enough friends with someone to be invited to her hen party but not close enough to be able to talk to them?

If you want to go to the rest of it just be honest and say you’re not up for the horse racing bit but will be there with bells on for everything else.

If you’d rather miss the whole weekend just invent something else you’re doing. I once booked a European break to a city I’d always wanted to visit, specifically to get out of a family wedding an eight hour drive away.

Who would you need to talk to? The hen herself, or is there a chief BM/MOH?

I think I'd ask myself if the bride was going to be gutted if I didn't attend her do as a whole.

If yes, I'd message the organiser saying 'I will be skipping the racing - don't worry about me, I can just chill at the hotel & catch up with the group in the evening'. No fuss, no drama, no arguments about the ethics, just a polite but firm message.

If, honestly, I thought the bride wouldn't be particularly fussed by my attendance either way (eg. a workmate or a not that close cousin or an old friend from Uni...), I'd just decline the whole invite.

It isn’t those but I certainly wouldn’t be attending those events either!

Is it some sort of hunting / shooting thing? If yes, then I agree it’s unethical. Just say you have something already pre booked for that day or part of the day and go to the rest of it that is if you really want to attend the other days of the party.

Just say that you can only make day one and leave it at that.

So your friends but not best friends, with the bride.
Enough to be invited to the hens night, within the country, but far enough that you'll have to travel and take a hotel and it's a two-day thing.
And the plans for the first day are fine with you but the plans for the second day involve going to horse races?
(Is this a common hens night activity? I've never heard of this before and I would agree with you I would never attend this for ethical reasons either)

Well, I would tell the bride and or whoever was in charge of the planning that you'd be honored to join the group for the first day but I'm sorry I have other commitments for the second day... And then I would ask whether it would be best if you traded your place for someone else, not saying that you're not important to the bride or to the group, just like you said though, if you can only attend one day out of a two-day outing maybe someone else would be best to go.

That is to say, if you even want to be bothered. If you think that it's really not worth your time effort and money to only attend one day, then just say you can't make it at all.
It's really up to you. They're going to have a great time whether you're there or not, the only person who if they were missing, would ruin the party I would assume would be the bride.

Ugh.
Weird that understand age horse racing and dog racing and other such things are still considered to be an acceptable form of entertainment.

That was a really good guess. How did you guess this? Is this a common stag/hen's night activity?

Thanks all. I really appreciate your responses and I’ll talk to the organiser and bride.

I went to the races on a hen night years ago. It wasn't great, very overrated. Also there's a race course a few miles away from where I live which has a famous yearly race. For a lot of women it's a good excuse to get a curly blow, new outfit and make up done.

I wouldn't (and haven’t) attended horse racing either and I've been upfront with the reason why. Since I'm one of those oddities on MN that enjoys hen parties it wouldn't put me off attending the rest.

Oh of course. Good point. In that case just be honest and say it’s not your cup of tea.