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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To walk away now?

13 replies

AshesToDust · 23/11/2025 19:10

I've been seeing my boyfriend for around a year now. In the start things were great but over the past month or so things have took somewhat of a turn. He has recently started a new job which i understand can be quite a stressful change but i feel like our dynamic is starting to become quite unhealthy. He's become quite distant and evasive, he's creating arguments over nothing and getting very nasty in the process and we've barely spoken outside of arranging to meet or arguing. He said a lot of things that in some way has dimmed the way I look at him and myself.
On wednesday, I accidently left my phone at home when I went to work, cue 2 days of being ignored off him, then a message yesterday afternoon asking to meet to talk. I stupidly went and things were fine, ended up staying the night. However, the second we woke up it went back to being ignored again and feeling like i was a bit of a spare part. I started getting ready to leave and he suddenly started showing interest again, insisted he was making us lunch, initiated sex and stuck a film on whilst proceeding to talk about how we wont see or speak to eachother again until saturday when he will take me out for a birthday lunch and I will meet his children.

AIBU to think this is all just some kind of mind game, am I just too needy or is he stressed from the change with working? Any advice would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 23/11/2025 19:13

Fuck that. Bin him off.

WomBat55 · 23/11/2025 19:14

Ignoring someone is very manipulative. I experienced it for years in a close family relationship and it was awful - ended up going no contact. Seems like he’s starting to show you who he really is and its not pretty!

TomatoSandwiches · 23/11/2025 19:15

He sounds controlling and is horribly clearly using you for sex, bin, get rid, dump in the sea, you deserve better.

Nonameagain31 · 23/11/2025 19:17

Run don’t walk!

DonewhatIcando · 23/11/2025 19:20

@AshesToDust
Silent treatment is abusive.
You've been together a year, you should still be in the honeymoon period.
His mask is slipping, he's showing you who he is and IME it'll only get worse.
Walk away before it gets worse, trust me, it will definitely get worse.

nutbrownhare15 · 23/11/2025 19:32

You shouldn't feel like this with anyone. He sounds like he is testing what he can get away with/what you will put up with and it will only get worse. Don't invest/waste any more time with him

FateAmenableToChange · 23/11/2025 19:35

You're now starting to see the real person. So if you don't like it, and how it's making you feel, best to walk away before it gets worse. Sounds like an odious mix of emotional manipulation and abuse to me.

Brightbluesomething · 23/11/2025 20:16

Don’t tolerate the silent treatment, it completely messes with your head. This isn’t you, it’s him. Get out now while you can, and definitely before you meet his children.

WhenIwasayoungster · 23/11/2025 20:33

Yet again, the OP is another one that apparently thinks having a boyfiend, even one that is starting to treat her appallinly, is better than not having a boyfriend.

OP, set your standards a lot higher, stop seeing him and delete him from your phone. You don't have to put up with such nonsense. So don't!

Sengland01 · 23/11/2025 23:30

My goodness he is a charmer. He sounds quite controlling. I got out of a relationship like this but it slowly creeps up on you and I stuck it for 8 years. Wish I had of seen the signs earlier and maybe I did but the good over took the bad bits.

You are worth so much more. I know it would be super hard to leave him.

Am now with a wonderful man and we have never had a screaming match and he is very loving and does things at my pace. If am not comfortable with anything I just have to say without the fear of being ignored or shouted at.

The flights is a big red flag for me. He does not seem to care for your feelings when he acts like this and my guess is he will get worse over time.

I wish you good luck in whatever you choose to do, but I have my fingers crossed you meet a wonderful man in time as they are out there.

MincePudding · 23/11/2025 23:35

Oh look, some stick and now the carrot.

Ignores you, fusses you, ignores you, dangles chance to meet kids for you.

Children being used as pawns. Delightful.

Dump the abusive piece of shit, his mask is coming off.

Eenameenadeeka · 24/11/2025 00:29

Wouldn't walk away, it sounds like you should run!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 24/11/2025 00:35

Meet HIS children on YOUR birthday ?

Oh my what a treat !!!

You do know you can do better.

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