To think vows should be about mutual commitment, not a full-blown ode to your husband?

[NotAMortalWife]

I watched a wedding recently where the bride’s vows were kind of bizarre. Instead of talking about her promises or what she was committing to, it felt like a love letter/tribute speech about how amazing, powerful, wise, funny, generous, perfect he is… like she was marrying a god, not a man.

It just gave me the ick a bit. I’m all for heartfelt words but when the vows are just a long list of “you are this/you are that” with no actual commitment or balance, it starts to feel weirdly performative. Like she’s trying to prove he’s worthy, instead of standing beside him as equals.

AIBU to think vows should be about your intentions, not just a pedestal speech and that these one-sided, worshippy ones are a bit much?

It's not your wedding. She chose her vows, and they were important to her, and it sounds like she was being lovely about her future DH. Let people crack on with what makes them happy.

It it sounds beautiful.

Not my sort of thing, but obviously 100% theirs.

Your opinion isn't going to matter to anyone.

Vows should be whatever the couple want them to be.

She wanted to let him know all the things she loves about him while making her vows.

Surely a long list of "I intend to love you, be there for you, hug you when youre sad" etc could also be seen as performative?

Vows can be whatever people want them to be. I just meant that for me, when it becomes a long list of compliments rather than actual commitments, it feels a bit unbalanced. Totally personal preference though, I know everyone likes different styles.

I don't think you're wrong OP. The very definition of a vow is that it is a pledge/promise. What you've described is a tribute rather than vows, almost like a eulogy.