To want to be someone’s / anybody’s number one

[Sugarsugarcane]

I’ve been single for well over a decade apart from some brief relationships and one lasting the best part of a year a while ago. I have wonderful friends who are kind and caring but obviously they have their own lives going on, as I do largely (job, kids, hobbies).
my closest friend, as in we would want each other in an emergency, first port of call if we’re in distress etc, can be a bit flakey and I think if I didn’t arrange to see her she would literally never suggest it, I have some to the conclusion it’s just not priority for her to see me on a regular basis even though she does have quite a lot of spare time which can feel hurtful BUT I get that this is a me issue, I am actually looking to be someone’s priority and can’t put that on my friends.
i seem to have no idea to meet someone, I try online dating and haven’t made it work, I started a thing with someone at work (I know I know) it didn’t get physical but was planned to get that was this week and I called him and said I don’t know why I’ve got into this, it’s not ok I just wanted the attention, and I called it off.
i guess I’m just lonely and tired of being on my own, any tips on how to manage that or how to feel more positive about dating in my 40s?

You should make yourself your own priority. By that, I mean focus on yourself. What makes you feel good? Whether it’s a pampering session / nails/ hair etc. Not to look good for someone else but for your own well-being.
What do you enjoy doing in your spare time ?
Could you join a club? Learn something new/ join a class ?
Just anything which makes you feel more fulfilled and happy.

This may not be the advice you were looking for but in my own experience, if you’re happy in yourself, you’re more likely to meet someone by chance who shares same or similar interests and values.
And remember, you’re always better off on your own than with the wrong person.

That’s perfect advice and you’re spot on. I’m always in the habit of making sure everyone else is ok and I go above and beyond which on some level I guess I expect back - not that it’s my motivation for doing stuff in the first place, just that I guess I’m setting a high bar and am going to be disappointed.

Only one person can treat you as number one and that's you. Make sure you do. And then cherish good friends that appreciate your friendship. Anyone not treating you right can piss off. Thank you to the menopause for teaching me this.