Money

[Mouse45]

I work husband has I'll health, we recieve certain benefits but I try and work around my health and husband's as much as I can, I feel a little resentment when it comes to money all finance go into a pot and x and x is paid leaves us both potential with x amount of money by no means are we well off but lucky to have housing associations house and rent is therefore cheap!
I am a little angry as my partner has his disposable income and it all goes on him and his hobbies, which is fine as I appreciate at home he has to have activities to keep him sane and occupied and it really isn't his fault he is unable to work, but his financial situation is he doesn't worry about bills and literall all his income goes on him yet I buy all Xmas stuff for the kids birthdays etc etc etc and I'm struggling to work hours I do due to own illness yet if I want to continue to not live in poverty I have to keep working, I recently made a stand and took large amount out of joint small savings (hundreds not thousands) to pay for Xmas as why should I have to contribute when he doesn't, I have had words before to no avail I'm really thinking about just becoming very tight with money buy only my things, I even buy his clothes and haircuts etc it's not on is it?

Tough conversation needed

Of course YANBU. Him not working is irrelevant here - your money needs to be split in a fair equal way.

I'd be furious if I was you- he sounds very selfish

No more buying his clothes and pay for his haircuts etc.

Who put the savings in the joint pot? If it was you, take it all and you use it for Xmas and family expense. Why should he get hobby money and you get nothing apart from all expenses?

Tell him he needs to start contributing half to joint expenses.

Well you need to include cost of Christmas and birthdays and days out as part of the money put aside before he gets his share!

Work out your annual costs including the above the divide by 12. Deduct this from the monthly incoming money then half each of what is left over is then transferred to your own individual accounts to spend.

I think you need to have a conversation with him. Is he paying his share of the bills from his benefits. I appreciate things like PIP are for the extra costs that a disability brings but if he has excess left from that then he needs to be contributing more to joint costs. Or put it all in one pot and then if there's any left that gets distributed equally for hobbies.

You make a pot for gifts and treat it as a bill. £100 a month is what i save, I do use my own money in the run up to xmas but the pot definitely takes the strain off.

And his clothes come out of his money!!!

You ar enabling him to be selfish OP. Stop buying his clothes and hair cuts if he wants them he pays. Tell him half of price of gifts so he can pay.

Write it down, take him through it, make him think about it, tell him to come up with an alternative way of doing things. Then, if necessary, tell him his solution is a pile of shite, and then outline how you're actually going to do things.

I voted YANBU but stop being a doormat. Don’t divvy out personal spending money before all the essentials are accounted for out of the communal pot - that includes bills, presents for kids etc. And stop paying for his clothes and haircuts, those should come out of his spending money.

Why do you have this set up? You must have at some point decided that you should pay for some things that logically should be shared. What made you decide that?

So what's yours is house and kids, and what's his is his.

Of course YANBU.

YANBU. Starting from January you should both put the exact same amount away per month specifically for Christmas - he needs to contribute!