Santa conflict - present from Santa or no?

[Kate8889]

I have always been into science and healthy skepticism.esp since my dad joined a religious cult when I was 5. I never want anyone in my family to fall for a scam like that again.

When my husband and I were planning on having kids, we agreed that we wouldn't be doing Santa

Now our daughter is 2.5 and my husband has been asking her what she wants from Santa. I reiterated that I didn't feel comfortable having my daughter be told to believe something that wasn't real. He insists he'd like to do it for at least a few years.

I'm so disappointed and lost. I want our child to be able to trust us when we tell her something. I also don't want kids who receive less presents than her to think Santa cares about them less.

No. Santa can be a story and you can have presents from Santa under the understanding it's not real.
Presents were always from actual people in my family and it was amazing. We had a Santa stocking as an in-joke too.
Your husband agreed not to do Santa and it's important for you not to lie to your children so don't. He can still have Santa stories and visit a grotto.
It just doesn't need to be real.

We never said that Santa was real. We always maintained that Santa was a man who lived long ago and people keep up the tradition by pretending he's real. We also don't do the tooth fairy, but still have the "tooth fairy" - my dc knows it's all me! The magic of Christmas nor the excitement of getting a coin under your pillow has never been compromised in our house!! We didn't do the Easter bunny as that just felt too farfetched for me 😂 they just get their chocolate eggs from whoever gifts them chocolate lol.

Don't spoil your child's enjoyment because of your awful childhood. It would be utterly selfish. Have you had some help to deal with things?

How will you explain things when your child hears about Santa at school?

Of course it's far more magical for a child to believe in Santa than to know the truth. I can't imagine not giving a child a good few years of that magic.

When DD was about 3, we told her Santa was a story. She wasn't in nursery at the time so didn't ruin the magic for others. In future years she went on to believe in Santa. She is 9 now and I don't think she actually believes but still enjoys all the fun of it.

She also has had imaginary friends, played endless imaginary games, teddies that have distinct personalities, loved unicorns, had money from the tooth fairy and an elf. She has asked questions, we have been reasonably honest/non-commital about the answers. But her distinction between real/pretend is less distinct. She enjoys magic and pretend and this is part of that.

Let them be a child and enjoy the magic of it all for goodness sake. They grow up so quickly I'm sure you'll cope for the few years that they believe in Santa.

I don't know anyone who's child doesn't trust them or who didn't trust their parents purely because of Santa. It was just a social media bandwagon.

You will figure it out and it's not necessarily easy, and you wouldn't necessarily find an answer that will satisfy you either. I had no issue with Santa, to me it's just a 'myth' kind of thing that is mostly in good fun - my issue was more with explaining how she could get a present from Santa while there were initiatives set up to get toys for other children who would 'otherwise not receive any gifts'. I'm not even sure how we did deal with it, fudged it probably. And I don't doubt it's one of the reasons that led her to realising Santa isn't real. It hasn't harmed her or damaged her, she gets that it's a myth and there is a kernel of truth in the history of Santa and that it's just a seasonal thing. I think it's a decent tool for learning about truth v lies v myth. There's a reason children tend to figure it out all around the same kind of age. She also believed in fairies for a long time, same kind of thing. She maybe still does actually.

My children when they were young at Xmas was magical and hold the most special memories. The kids also feel the same.

You are depriving your child of such a special time and I know no families whose children ever felt deceived. I feel sorry for your daughter.

Ridiculous. As if other Christmas traditions are somehow less special or fun. Honestly I have the most amazing Christmas memories from childhood and we never believed in Santa. If anything I feel sorry for the kids missing out on the sense of live and belonging which comes from knowing from whom each gift comes.

The excitement of finding the stocking and coming down for presents is no less if you don't believe in Santa.

The problem with santa is that it relies on everyone keeping up the pretence for you. And even in the youngest of nursery classes, at least one child will know with by design or accident that it's not true. So then you start asking children to lie and it becomes a really unnecessarily heated quagmire.

I grew up in a Jewish area and they all had Christmas trees and presents from Father Christmas (not Santa). No mention of Jesus, obviously!