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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sudden Friendship issue

8 replies

Myst1fy · 22/11/2025 22:48

Hello all, first post on here. I'm reaching out in hope to gain more u derstanding wether it's just me being unreasonable or if im genuinely being treated like an outcast by my friend now that I have had my first baby in June. So long story short we have been friends for over 12 years, best friends in fsct. Always chatting always meeting up , my friend then moved away to a different town resulting in less frequent meet ups but we definitely still saw eachother at least 3 times a month and video calling every other day etc. Now. I have noticed her becoming distant when I reached 8 months in my pregnancy. Less conversation, hardly called . This friend may I also add always bragged about how she would become my baby's best auntie as we are such good friends etc. Today , it's now been 7 months since I have actually seen her. She barely talks to me, even though her circumstances have not changed, still works the same job, same boyfriend same home etc. Ive tried to ask about this but she evidently becomes annoyed and blames me for the lack of conversation and that it's just difficult to meet up nowadays due to "our lives. She has asked about my baby once since she's been born, hasn't met her at all. I feel so disappointed and also hurt by that. I keep seeing posts of her and her new mates out drinking and going to places together etc. Yet she claims she has not got the bus money anymore to come see me like she used to , baring I mind it's usually around £3 for the journey. She has now sent me a blunt voice message about how shes booked a room for herself and her two friends to stay out of town and for a night out to go ahead etc, saying im welcome to come but it is £50 for me to be able to stay , and also travel costs, I have to arrange for my baby to be looked after for the night and following day. My issue is, I've been struggling financially lately and she knows this, not only this, but I'm the only one that stays up with baby for night feeds etc. And baby' dad works alot so it just doesn't not work for me to up and leave for the night and day. I feel hurt by the idea that im being invited now after ive told her she hardly sees me, and it's to a plan that's already been arranged without me in the first place, I'm just now being added on at the end, feels like it's only cecause ive mentioned something. How can one not have £3 for a bus but afford a hotel stay for 3 friends and a night out clubbing ? . What do I even say to that invitation? Im lost as to what to even think anymore. I don't want this friendship if this is what it's become. But I also don't exactly want to be the bad guy in it all that im the one ti say I cut off contact and make it look like it's all my fault ?

OP posts:
NessShaness · 22/11/2025 22:50

You’re not imagining it, she’s not the friend you thought she was.

I’d decline the night out and not message her again, let it fade out completely x

mzpq · 22/11/2025 22:55

Maybe she doesn't realise your partner won't look after his baby while you go out?

He can't be working every single day of his life?

Also, have you been to visit her with the baby?

Sometimes friends just grow apart when kids come along but you might pick up again in the future.

SixSeven · 22/11/2025 22:55

Sounds like she wants you to subsidise the cost of a hotel room. Sorry OP but she’s moved on to the next bunch of people to socialise with. You might get her back if/when she has her own baby, but I’d focus on finding yourself some new mates.

Blueskystoday · 23/11/2025 00:00

She's no longer your friend.
I'm sorry.
Time to accept it.
Its painful but drop the rope.
Don't chase her.

LoveWine123 · 23/11/2025 00:04

You need to move on from this person as sadly she has moved on from you.

TBC99 · 23/11/2025 00:19

You're in the baby phase but she isn't.
It's always gonna be a tricky transition for any friendship and sadly looks like this one hasn't made it.

You need to seek out new connections OP, people you can enjoy this phase of your life with. This friend isn't it. She may return once she has her first baby, and then you can decide whether to befriend her or not. She's being thoughtless at best, some would say unkind, to you. Karma may well come for her....

TeenLifeMum · 23/11/2025 00:25

I’ve learned most friends are for a season. Having a baby means you’re in the next phase and she’s left behind. I’ve been through it and it sucks but focus on the fact she was a great friend for that period but onwards to the next chapter. If she wants to be there she will be but she’s no longer a main character in your life.

cinnamonda · 18/03/2026 08:12

the friendship is over OP, she has no respect for your new baby and new life and she is doing it on purpose. She is an adult and knows exactly what she is doing. She knows you can’t come as you have the baby, yet is inviting you last minute (and after you complained you were not seeing each ither much anymore) - she knows you will
cancel and then blame you. It is typical of a selfish personality.
if she really wanted to see you she would come to your house and meet the baby too - that is friendship and respect for the new life stage you are in. If there is a will there is a way.

i would not waste anymore time thinking about her, it sucks i knowbut even after 12 years of good friendship like yours was, people change and show their true colours.
you have outgrown her, you are on a new journey as a mother- congratulations on your new baby, please ignore everyone and enjoy your baby and motherhood. It will pass fast you don’t want to be missing out on it spending time on someone that doesn’t care and respect you.

all the best

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