To ask if your child with ADHD was like at 4

[Molly2023]

Hi, sorry for putting this in AIBU just thought it'd get more traffic and apologies this is so long! I have a gorgeous little boy who we believe might have ADHD (and possibly ASD). He's always been a VERY active child since he was a baby. He always met milestones on time except maybe slightly delayed with speech and not big on gestures but by 2 and 3 months could hold conversations. We have lots of stimming - running up and down, jumping, hand flapping when super excited... Constant movement and lots of noise. He's very reserved in preschool but can have personal space issues and chooses to play by himself a lot in there (only 3hours a day). The teacher tells me he is good with the rules of play like taking turns and sharing etc and is well able to communicate his needs to her. Outside preschool he can play well with other children and seeks them out at playgrounds etc. Our main concern at home is that he often appears like he doesn't hear us or can forget what he's doing half way through a task. He's able to dress himself, shower himself etc but needs prompts. He can sometimes lash out at his little brother but it's mostly just that he's playing but being too rough. We have had great success with star charts and time outs to correct behaviour but I'm not sure where to go with the focus issues. My toddler is brilliant for following instructions so it's very obvious something isn't quite right with the older one. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago so it's in the family. We are seeing an OT who says SPD and have tried magnesium supplements. Any advice welcome and would love to hear what other kids were like at this age who were later diagnosed. Thanks for reading

He is very young at 4 and it's quite regular for that age group to wander off mid task etc. So it is difficult to know if this is just regular or something more. My ds was only diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and he had great focus when he was interested as a child. Played happily for hours on his own and l had no worries about him except he was a bit slow to start talking. However when he went to school he struggled quite quickly and was diagnosed with dyslexia. Any concentration issues were always put down to that .
Its important if he is concentrating on an activity not to interrupt him if at all possible so he learns to increase his focus time. And to pick activities that are concentration based so he can practice.
As your dh already has the diagnosis it's good to be aware but not too anxious.

Hi op, mine dx now with both was somewhat similar but it’s hard to tell when they are this young. Have you tried the MCHAT questionnaire on the ASD side?

Have you had his hearing tested? Even if you think it's fine? Because that could easily be the missing piece as everything sounds pretty normal.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the quick responses. So I had literally zero concerns until preschool started flagging stuff when he was 3 - toileting accidents, not following instructions, playing alone. The toiletting sorted itself out in time and he is much better for lining up and circle time in there but he's still not mixing great etc. All the autism online stuff he gets a really low concern score - mchat, ages and stages SE etc. I got his hearing checked and is perfect. I do my best to keep him active as literally climbs the walls if we're stuck in. I'm just getting a bit worried about starting school next year. He seems bright but I'm worried he'll just space out and fall through the cracks in the classroom.

My gut reaction (hugely scientific I know) is that he's just a busy boy. Depending on when you had his hearing checked there could still be fluctuations - for instance my boy has moderate hearing loss due to glue ear when he has a cold or for the few weeks after, but is fine most of summer when he's less riddled with disease.

My 6 year old daughter has adhd, she goes to a special needs school. She can’t tolerate school for more than a hour before absolutely losing it. The tell tale signs are usually emotional regulation issues, impulsivity, meltdowns

My daughter is so unpredictable it’s like walking on egg shells every day around her because I don’t know what’s going to set her off and then I just get attacked lol she does have quite severe adhd and suspected ASD though

I have 2 dc with adhd.

Both were friendly and chatty. One was calm easy going and would play on his own for ever. The other was always having tantrums and never ever played alone. Always wanted loads of attention.

One slept for England the other never slept. Both ADHD and completely different. One talked very early, one talked late.

Thanks for all the insight. It's great hearing others experiences and insights! We had plenty of tantrums when he was 3 (not much before) but that's all settled now. I think his main issues are sensory seeking and focus. The OT is definitely helping.

Sensory seeking is also a big sign, my DD is a major sensory seeker to the point of them being actually very unsafe behaviours. She has been suspended before for doing very unsafe things when sensory seeking 🫣

Maybe get to your gp and see if you can be referred to a developmental paediatrician if not already then they can refer him for tests when necessary, I think most boroughs/ nhs services won’t test until 6 or 7 for adhd and ASD 5 I think but the waiting lists are very long in some areas so it’s a good idea to get him on the pathway now and on the books

Sensory seeking manifested itself as constant hunger in my dd. She was always after food even straight after a big meal.

I used to post on here about how worried l was about her appetite. Then l’d get slagged off by posters.

Shes 19 now and size 10.

Also two with AdHD (possibly 3 but too young to tell)

DD was everyone’s best friend, very social and kind. Always busy and on the go, took about 90 minutes to fall asleep but that would be here for about 12 hours! Very big on injustices and would go to war on someone else’s behalf… met all mile stones early, great early years school report, teachers pet Tbf! Incredibly fast and strong, good scale all sort from about a year. Was walking properly at 10 months 10 days.

DS literally the happiest kid you’d ever meet, would play for hour by himself, had a few close friends but popular with all. Always hated crowds, loud noises. Even at 11 he can’t watch a full film. Has always had a topic of special interest think it was paw patrol at 4 easy going and even tempered, never raised a hand to anyone. Always likes the rules and direct communication. He did have really big melt downs every now and then. Extremely articulate afterwards. Did a little happy dance when excited.

My youngest is 3 and defo ND, just waiting to see how things progress. Sensory seeker and also avoidant (covers ears for loud noises, hates socks with raised seams). Physically rough and pretends not to hear you if it’s something he doesn’t like Stims in an atypical way. Awful with food, no rhyme or reason, might love spaghetti bolognaise today and hate it tomorrow. Loves all fruit… not a people pleaser, doesn’t care much for rules…