To think some people use humour to mask a genuinely ugly personality?

[LaughingButLowkeyMean]

I’ve noticed that some people, especially the ones who pride themselves on being “funny” or “brutally honest” are just plain mean. But because they deliver it with sarcasm or a laugh, they get away with it.

They’ll make jabs at someone’s appearance, lifestyle, relationship or trauma, and then say “lighten up” or “you’re too sensitive.” But the truth is, the joke was never funny, it was just a way to get a dig in while pretending it was harmless.

Don’t get me wrong… I love actual humour, even dark or dry humour. But there’s a difference between someone who’s funny and someone who’s just mean with timing.

AIBU to think that some people’s entire “personality” is just a cover for how unpleasant they are?

Definitely. There are way too many arseholes who use being funny as a way to give a dig at someone. Twats

make jabs at someone’s appearance, lifestyle, relationship or trauma, and then say “lighten up” or “you’re too sensitive.”

This language is a form of manipulation used to dismiss and invalidate someone's feelings, shifting blame away from the person who caused the hurt. If you hear someone say it, know what it really is. Toxic.

If someone has to rely on putting someone else down to get their kicks, they are not funny, they are toxic.

Why don’t you start a thread about the person or people in your life that are treating you like this and masking with humour?

100%

Well yes I agree with your post but no one but them really thinks they're funny because it is quite obviously abusive.

But truly funny people, some of them use humour to hide their misery and depression.

It’s not about one person in my life. I’ve just seen this pattern pop up a lot, so I was curious if others notice the same thing.

Yes, I once did a workplace investigation into bullying and as I was interviewing the alleged cause of the bullying he said, ‘I like a bit of banter. I’m like Marmite. People love me or hate me’, and I immediately thought, ‘Hate, they all hate you’.

i have certainly read about it
but thankfully never happened to me
is it happening to you?

Yes. Like the twats who say offensive things then say "Only joking". People let them get away with it as well.

No, it’s not something happening to me right now. It’s just general observation I’ve seen in different contexts, online and offline. I just wondered if others had come across it too.

Yes if they're being unkind and saying it's 'banter'

Nowadays you can't say anything without at leat one person being offended.

The drama on MN about nothing is a perfect illustration.

I think you can laugh about anything and anyone, but not in front of or with everyone. Some people might mask nastiness, often it's just others who miss the joke or simply don't have the same humour.

There is a woman in an organisation I belong to who has bullied me by email for some time. All her messages to everyone are littered with smilies and exclamation marks ... I am not fooled.

I had an uncle like this, he used to make jokes, think he was funny but it was always in a sarcastic way. Not a very nice person.

I had a family member like this. As a result I hate the phrase “you’re too sensitive.” It's a tool used by arseholes to minimise their arseholery.

The worst ones are those who actually ARE funny. I worked with someone who really was a nasty piece of work. Unfortunately he was incredibly witty and an excellent mimic and as a result his cruel parodies of people were spot on and hilarious. I'd find myself having to leave the room so as to not reward/encourage him.