Mumsnetters need to relax with the projection and straw clutching

[Crene]

I’ve noticed a pattern lately: a lot of commenters are wildly over analysing OPs in really exaggerated ways. It’s surprising how often people feel confident declaring things like “you have unrealistic expectations,” “you’re too immature for marriage,” or even “did you grow up on Disney movies?”…all based on a couple of short posts with barely any context.

There’s a huge amount of projection happening and people write entire essays as if their interpretation is the only correct one. It’s frustrating and honestly I find it derails a lot of discussions.
What makes it worse is that many posters don’t seem interested in asking clarifying questions or trying to understand the situation more fully. They jump straight to sweeping assumptions with almost no information to back them up.

A friend sent me a thread of hers on here and so could not believe the psycho babble that went on. She barely said anything but had long winded replies lambasting what a fool she was in her marriage. Really bizarre.

Anyone else noticed this too?

Had your friend confided in you re her marriage?

There are about eleventy billion posters on here. Just comment on the thread. The ‘Mumsnet does THIS THING’ threads get a little tiresome. Of course there are people who jump to conclusions. There are also those who don’t.

The actual solution is for OPs to ignore twats and interact with good-faith posters. But often all the OP’s comments are only to the twats.

I think you need to re-read the post as you seem to have completely missed the point of it.

I agree OP the leaps some posters make is quite astonishing!

Nope I got

it just I suspect this is the op pissed off re her own thread on her marriage went and she didn’t receive the responses she wanted / expected hence this thread

especially as name changed

I totally agree with this.

This kind of assumption is exactly what the OP is talking about…

reasonable

someone referring to “a friend”
someone getting worked up about responses on a thread

all point to it being a fairly reasonable assumption that the OP started a thread and is pissed off by responses!

Me too

yes, completely reasonable.

Yes. Very much so

Can you link to the thread please? It would be useful to know exactly what we're talking about.

Tbh I find it quite funny. Someone posts that their DH has been distracted lately and a poster will say they have a secret family or a poster will say their friend blew them out and a poster will say the friend has been jealous forever and really hates the OP.

I've been on MN for 15 years and it's never been any different.

I was on a thread a minute ago where an OP made just one post about her DSS's mum, and someone replied with a completely made up story of how her ex must've left her for another woman, made career sacrifices and been deserted by him 😳

Like literally none of that was even hinted at and the OP had no posting history, so goodness knows where it all came from!

I agree. You're noticing probably less than 20 people, and I'd reckon about half of them are doing it for a reaction.

Ignore them, respond to the posts that you feel contribute something and post the sort of posts you'd like to see, not constantly derail.

That's not meant to sound mean because I know how tempting it is to fire off a response. But if everyone just rolled their eyes and engaged with the things worth engaging with, there would be less of it.

But don’t you ever think

hmmmm would I start a thread on AIBU about my dh being distracted if there wasn’t likely more to the situation?

It’s not mean at all.

I think you are absolutely right

There are also plenty of kind, thoughtful answers. As with any social media, you have to sort the wheat from the chaff.

I saw that. Mental gymnastics sprang to mind 😂

Mental being the operative word!

@Cornthin have you seen the threads on MNs?!

People start threads about a neighbour parking near their house or threads about not answering the door at night or what font Meghan has used on her jam! I’ve long given up questioning why people start some threads! 😆

And my brain would think the reasons why a DH is distracted could be work stress, personal worries etc it doesn’t jump straight to bigamist….

Agreed

but would you really start a thread if you were thinking your dh was distracted due to working hard?

Again, I wouldn’t start 75% of the threads on here

I wouldn’t and haven’t ever started any thread on mumsnet!

Ooooooo do, it’s fun!