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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I leave?

4 replies

SweetPea0705 · 22/11/2025 14:23

Hi everyone, could do with a little advice.
My DP and I have been together 15 years. We have 3 DC together.
Things have been very Rocky for about 5 years since the birth of our DD. We argue a lot and can’t seem to agree on much. I realise I am probably not the easiest person to live with but I work full time (as does he) but I do 90% of doing everything for the kids, all the housework, cooking, shopping etc. I am so mentally exhausted.
anyway the issue is, a year and a half ago we sold our home and bought a much bigger house for space for the kids. The previous house was in both our names and we used the money we made to pay the large deposit and also to get some work done on the new house. However, my credit score was bad at the time so I was not put on the mortgage for the new house. DPs brother in law is a mortgage advisor and he sorted it all out and I was told my both DP and his brother in law that it was ok as I was on the house deeds. I expressed concern over us not being married but was ensured it was ok as I would be on the deeds. I perhaps naively did not see any paperwork to prove this at the time but had no reason to think it hadn’t been sorted.

About 3 months or so ago my DP and I had an argument and he told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. He then back tracked and said he didn’t mean it. I was really hurt and a
month or so after said I wanted to leave. He convinced me to stay sayinf he didn’t want to lose his family.

Things have fallen back into the pattern of me doing everything and sitting alone every night whilst he plays on the PlayStation. I don’t know why i thought of it but I decided I wanted to look at the house paper work but couldn’t find any. I downloaded the house deeds online to find I am not infact on the deeds to this house. I am so shocked and upset. I think I need to leave but I don’t know where to start. I have been paying towards the mortgage every month, we used proceeds from our last joint house to buy this one and I also used some inheritance to buy a new bathroom.
I could use some advice as I feel so lost and overwhelmed with the whole prospect of leaving and mainly over sorting custody.
sorry for the long post

OP posts:
phantomofthepopera · 22/11/2025 14:26

You need to take some legal advice.

Floatingdownriver · 22/11/2025 14:27

You need to consult a lawyer. At worst you were duped into not owning your property.

Tiswa · 22/11/2025 14:27

Yes 100% legal advice particularly given the fact you put money towards it get that sorted then leave

SweetPea0705 · 22/11/2025 14:33

Yeah I will seek some legal advice to see where I stand. I just feel so overwhelmed and don’t want to ruin Christmas for the kids so maybe might do it without his knowledge for now. I haven’t told him I know I am not on the deeds. I just feel so confused as to why I was not put on

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