To think it’s not normal to be this angry?

[Puzzlepirate]

I’m a terraced house and my neighbors one side are constantly screaming/shouting/swearing at their kids and each other. I understand everyone argues and loses their rag sometimes but surely it’s not normal to be this angry ALL the time? They started at 7am this morning, I have to turn the tv up to drown them out. I feel so sorry for the kids, they think growing up in a house like that is normal 😭 AIBU or is that just the norm nowadays?!

It’s awful; I’d be worried it was abusive. I think you should do an anonymous tip off to the NSPCC - they can refer to local social services.

That would account for occasional shouting. It wouldn’t account for shouting, screaming and swearing all day, every day.

I don't think it's a "these days" thing - it sounds very dysfunctional. Some people do communicate like this all day every day, and sadly that has always been the case in every generation. As you can see from posters here saying that was their home when they were growing up. The fact you haven't experienced it before just points to it being unusual rather than it being new.

People who shout and scream and swear to this extent possibly learnt it from their own parents and see nothing wrong with it, or feel it is normal so they don't try to address it. Or they know it is unhealthy but don't know how to address it. They could be at absolute breaking point with no way to access support. Or they may have other priorities e.g. alcoholism of which the aggression is perhaps a symptom. It could be multiple things, the only thing you can really do is make any concerns known to the relevant authorities, and hope that the authorities are supportive and/or make the right judgement about when to intervene, whichever is appropriate.

I’m voting unreasonable because you’re just turning up the TV to better ignore the screams.

That is what the neighbours of Sara Sharif did.

You should be calling the police.

So ND kids deserve to be abused because they’re “difficult” 🙄

Are they British? My neighbours are Spanish and are shouting non-stop, it's just the way they are. Luckily I can only understand about 20% of what they are shouting. No swearing though.

My old next door neighbours were like this.
How i’m not currently in prison for justifiable homicide, i don’t know.

My new neighbours are quiet as church mice. I love them.

I’ve reported it to social services, as far as I’m aware nothing happened but it did have negative consequences for me.

What about the police?..
negative consequences are nothing compared to saving a child being abused.

My house is probably considered the screaming family on the street.
Within 2 minutes of getting out of bed my kids are screaming at each other and fighting, 10 past 7 this morning I was shouting at my 7 year old not to throw Lego at his sister, then 5 minutes later having to shout at my 4 year old to keep her feet to herself as she kept kicking her brother.
If 20 gentle variations of “please don’t do that” or “that’s not nice” don’t work, it becomes “STOP IT RIGHT NOW”

Not at all. I’m only pointing out that there might be more to the situation than is immediately apparent. The parents shouldn’t be shouting like this but perhaps they are doing their best and need support. We don’t know but they are not necessarily bad people, just people experiencing difficulties. Of course they could also be abusive.

No it's not normal in my family but I certainly have families that I know in my own life who are much louder, shoutier, and angry with each other than my own family is. Not at all abusive but just more shouting (though not swearing) used. In your neighbour's case it sounds as if it may be more concerning though - if you have any welfare concerns then contacting social services is the right thing to do. I'm not clear if you actually did before but, if you are concerned, I would definitely do so.

I can see that you did report. Sorry for misreading.

Reporting once isn’t enough though. Op says she’s heard all kinds of things being said to these kids and one is only a toddler. This needs reporting every time op is really concerned for these kids, which sounds to be regular. How do people think social workers are meant to intervene? They visit and don’t see all this shouting. They rely on information from various sources, and one call doesn’t give a true picture of what is happening.

It’s definitely not normal, but quite frequent. I could have written this myself. I love my house and where I live so much, but the constant screaming and yelling from the family next door (mainly the dad) has meant we are moving in the new year to get away from them. 6am til midnight I get to listen to the dad screaming at his poor kids, or the kids screaming at each other. They’re absolutely feral the lot of them.

As someone who grew up in a shouty and abusive home, please report it for the kids sake. I wished the years away sometimes just so I could move out and wished people who knew to do SOMETHING to help but everyone fell to the bystander effect. A lot of shouting is abuse and will no doubt be upsetting and affecting the kids, don’t just listen and do nothing

Yes I completely agree. I hadn't intended to imply otherwise but perhaps that didn't come across. I was referring to my initial confusion.

This is 100% a police job. You just call 999 and say there's screaming and yelling coming from the house, and that a man is being aggressive towards a woman and her young children.

This is my home, consent sibling rivalry, this morning it was because youngest wanted to go get breakfast, oldest wanted her to play, cue shouting at each other 8am. Then youngest getting upset as I said no to taking her swich to football this morning. This afternoon both crying as I wouldn't take them to the toy shop, wouldn't take no for an answer. One of my DD is autistic.

Im naturally a quiet person but I have my limitations and after talking to them logically I will result to rasing my voice, or get frustrated. Although I never sware or call them name's, or me and DH dont shout at each other

I wonder if you live the other side of them! Sounds exactly like my life!

I know this will probably come across as judgy. I'm sorry for that but at the same time I think it's relevant info.

It sounds like a parenting issue in that you don't yet have the strategies necessary to get things done without shouting. For example, telling a child "don't do that" is much less useful than saying "do this" e.g. say "keep your food on your plate" instead of "don't throw food". This is down to how children process instructions.

It's pretty normal for loving parents to find themselves in a cycle where only shouting works. It's really not ideal though, either for your kids or for you. There are ways to break the cycle, but it takes time/energy/money/finding the right advice etc.

If you're interested in parenting books, I would really recommend "Hunt, Gather, Parent" by Michaeleen Doucleef.

If you don't fancy reading but have some spare cash there are "parenting coaches" that can help you figure out specific strategies that work for you. For a good description of what a parenting coach is, look here: https://ukparentcoach.com/what-is-a-parent-coach/

Some googling would hopefully find you someone you like the look of, either online or in person.

Anyway, obviously feel free to ignore all this if you don't find it helpful.

That’s understandable though. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m sure, unlike my neighbors you don’t call your 2 year old a “fucking c**t”

that is awful, no it’s not normal.

our neighbours were like this once a week, same day and time after they returned from the pub, kids crying etc.

could you strike up a conversation and mention you can hear some upset?

If not as yours is daily I’d consider speaking to their kids school (safeguarding alert) or direct to authorities?

It honestly didn’t come across judgy, thank you for the helpful links, I should have probably included that my oldest is autistic so many standard ways of commissioning right and wrong to him simply don’t work, we do have support from school and our local children’s development networks luckily. I think it’s human to snap and shout every so often and I believe it’s okay if done to protect either of my children from causing harm to themselves or others or even damage to property.

As long as it’s not the first response to incorrect behaviour and foul language isn’t used, I think sometimes shouting is necessary and doesn’t cause harm.

Single parent to my youngest two who had never heard me shout(I could give a death stare though!) Aged 8 son was walking to school, literally round a corner and he ran back to report two women were fighting and he was upset. I thought he meant hitting and punching, so ran back with him, it was a mother 50's and daughter 25ish having a disagreement! I suppose you never really know what goes on behind closed doors poor kids, mine would think I had lost the plot even now and they are young adults.