AIBU - kissing young baby when ill

[mnforadvice]

DSS9 has a cold. I politely said “whilst you have a cold just don’t kiss baby on the face please”. DH said I was out of order asking DSS this and it doesn’t make a difference. He’s really pi*d me off with his comment. DSS is here 50/50 and obviously picks up a lot of illness from school. If I can help my baby and toddler not to be ill I don’t think I was BU?

Siblings will pass on their germs. Yes keep reminding them not to kiss but they will forget if it's something they routinely do if he has a cold he will pass that onto you all regardless of the kissing frankly

DH said I was out of order asking DSS this and it doesn’t make a difference

DH is an idiot.

I ask the same of my children. They can forget but I do try.

Nice way of making him feel not part of the family!! Have you told your toddler & DH the same thing or because they are blood related it doesn’t count? Toddler, you and DH have the same chance of carrying and passing on germs! Personally think you’re being BU.

Nobody should be kissing anyone whilst they're sick. Especially not a baby who's more vulnerable should they get poorly.
Blended family's are complex but DH needs to realise it's the same rules for everyone, you're not singling DSS out, it just happens to be him who's poorly rn.

Hard disagree.
Why wouldn't you take sensible precautions?

I agree 100%. ‘Just a cold’ for a 9 year old could be something really hard for a baby. Is your husband insecure about how your step son is accepted and settled into the family unit?

I don't kiss my own kids & DH if they or I am sick, it's a pretty standard practice if you're ill to prevent passing it on. It's a bit of a reach what you're saying, he's poorly.

You’re not unreasonable per se, but was it possibly your tone DH disliked? “Politely” asking a child in your family comes across as a bit distant - most people don’t say they “politely ask” their own DC to do things. At 9 he’s old enough to understand an explanation of why viruses can be more dangerous for babies than for him and be encouraged to do something else with the baby sibling he clearly loves, like read them a story or shake some toys at them, and save cuddles for when he’s better.

It’s not about that at all. Yes, same rule would apply to us all. Luckily none of us have had a cold in the 16 weeks baby has been here so this is first time having to approach the subject

I don’t think I was snappy or anything. He bent down to see her in her bouncy chair and all I said was “ohh DSS, just make sure you don’t kiss her on her face whilst you’ve got a cold as she’s so little if we can try to not pass it on to her that would be much better” and he said okay. I think it was in a fairly cheerful tone, not telling him off or anything.

Tbh kissing her isn’t going to make any noticeable difference to her chance of picking up a cold. In fact, kissing her on the forehead is probably less of an issue than touching her hands (which she will put in her mouth).

You’ve not done anything wrong, OP. Catching a cold will happen eventually as a lot of these things are airborne, but you’re wise to minimise the risk when they’re that age.

If you’d not mentioned it was a step child, nobody would be turning on you …

You aren’t unreasonable to try and avoid it, and you asked kindly. I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and there’s no hope in hell of keeping the toddler away from the baby. Thankfully the baby hasn’t struggled when they’ve had a cold!

I think as long as all the kids have been instructed the same - when ill no kissing baby (although personally I’ve been ‘no kissing baby at all’ unless it has been me or my husband & not even us when ill), then you’re just trying to protect your vulnerable baby!

If course it's not unreasonable but it probably won't make any difference.