School run/sick child ad-hoc assistance

[Thickasabrick89]

I was reading another thread where a mum was asking what to do when a child is sick and you're both working out of the house.

Someone was saying how you need to build up back up support beforehand so there isn't a last minute scramble for childcare. Their suggestion was to put a poster in the local newsagents so that kind ladies or gentlemen can contact you and therefore you have a list of contact numbers for people who can help with sick children or emergency school pick ups in these scenarios. They were also very judgy that the OP hadn't done this already as these back up plans should have been prepped for already. I feel a bit weird having a stranger off a poster looking after my child in my house but i suppose you've got to trust the village you create. Can i ask how many people have done this and how it worked for you?

My daughter starts school next September so I'm following the advice here of mumsnetters so i have this local 'village' to help me out when needed. This will be especially important when I work away for a few days, my husband cannot pick daughter up from school as he works until 5pm not 3pm and there is no ad-hoc after school club available for the odd afternoon here and there per term. Also if he takes a half day x 2 then that is one less day of precious annual leave to cover the 13 weeks of school holidays we also can't cover in full between us.

Obviously no school mum/dad friendships have developed yet as she is still in nursery and i don't know anyone from her nursery who will be attending.

My AIBU is that it feels like an almighty juggle for school and I'm not even in the thick of it yet. I can usually manage child sick days with work but if I'm across the country i can't do school pick up like i would do 95% of the time🙂

If you regularly work away book a childminder for those days
Or check out local babyysitter sites

Not regularly, we're talking about 2 school pick ups maybe once or twice a year. I always assumed childminders were more after an 'every Wednesday and thursday in term time' type structure which we don't need.

I would be looking at a school with a better after school provision. Ours has quite a large capacity and you just book them in as and when. There have been some days when it is full, but if you know in advance your travel dates then if you booked as soon as they opened bookings then you would likely to be able to get a space in my kids school.

I haven't seen the post where people suggested putting up posters for a helper and to me this does sound concerning if they meant just someone wanting to do it as lonely, wanting company, to keep busy. I would want someone with DBS and I assume they would want paying....so basically a childminder.

I also think you can't really rely on other parents for childcare. Especially in the first term people are getting to know each other and going to someone's house to play is often with the parent accompanying them. You would also need to make it clear that it could be a reciprocal arrangement else you will come across as a CF looking for free childcare rather than wanting to make friends.

A poster in the newsagent wtf, no one does that 🤣 and the ‘village’ is handy for when you want to liftshare to a party or something but no one wants your sick kid, except maybe Grandma if you’re lucky enough to have that (we don’t). You just have to share that between you, muddle through and utilise WFH where you can so you don’t use up your holiday days.

If you travel for work, DH works until 5 then I personally wouldn’t pick a school without wrap around care, it’s absolutely vital for us, unless you have a childminder/after school nanny or something else reliable.

During the holidays we book camps.

Is there a way he could talk to his manager to build any flexi time for these twice a year occurrences? For child sick days I’d be checking the policies both of your employers have in place.

Omg is this a joke?! DO NOT put a poster in a newsagent asking for childcare! You don’t trust a village created like that!! I didn’t see the thread you mention - theres a kernel of a point there, that it’s good to build up your networks so you have back up help in emergencies, but advertising like this is NOT a safe way to do it. In my experience you are unlikely to make friends so good that they will take a really sick and/or contagious child though - you just need to stay off work.

You can use holiday clubs in the school holidays. The most practical way to fix this is to get your husband to use those half days of holiday and then pay for one or two extra days if holiday club in the school holidays. When she is a bit older and has some school friends. Maybe you could ask someone if they could go for a play date on one or both days. Unfortunately most parents now work so most people don't do after school play dates now but you might get lucky.

What are you doing for after school care when you are working from home? Can you flex and do the remaining time once she is in bed?

I missed that you were specifically asking what people do when their child is sick - the only option is parents (unless you have a willing grandparent on hand). If you are away then it would have to be your husband. Sorry but no random person will want to look after a poorly child, a childminder has policies over sickness too as it is their home and they won't to get ill themselves and school would be sending a poorly child home so an after-school club wouldn't be an option either. Also no matter how good a friend you might possibly make, they also won't want to pick up and care for your ill child either. Other parents are also likely to work too.
As someone suggested you need to check any work policies you have regarding time off.

No one gets childcare through a village ad - well I hope not as I would be making comment about their judgement around safeguarding.

OP your husband is going to have to take leave or work extra and negotiate leaving early. I have to do that and my ex always said he couldn't possibly do that, but it wasn't true as he could leave early when he wanted to do something.

Juggling school, sickness and holidays is tough but there are holiday clubs, childminders etc Don't listen when your husband says he can't possibly be flexible, he's going to have to be and it isn't all on you to solve - what are his ideas?

Putting up a note in a newsagent is dangerous ! Anyone could respond as ‘a kind person’ willing to help. Parents cant do DBS checks !!

Either find a school with good wraparound care or use registered safe professional childcare.

Two picks ups, once or twice a year!? Has your husband heard of annual leave? He could use 2 hours to finish at 3pm instead of 5pm. I'm surprised he didn't think about this himself.

I consider myself a fairly laid back parent, but there’s no way I’d be leaving my child with a random person that answers an add in a shop that has no DBS check or anything. Nor could I imagine anyone wants to look after a sick child and potentially pick up whatever they have. Nor would a poorly child want to be left with some random person.

I think most people without family support around (or people able to employ a nanny) just have to take time off work/WFH unfortunately.

This is so dangerous.
Do not trust people you do not know with your child!
As a teacher I know this is a massive safeguarding risk and if I discovered a child was being looked after by someone in this way I would definitely start asking questions.

You need to find a school with wraparound care or your DH needs to take some time off to be able to collect - it’s hard when they’re young but it’s a short time really and work and money does have to come second.

So you cannot see any danger in random people looking after your children?

Use Kura kids ad hoc nanny service or H needs to take A/L or toil. In our school you can door wrap around on odd days now. If your not around for puck ups or drop offs your going to find it hard to make school parent friends. Even then I wouldn't benleaving my kids with random people. The making fa poster and looking for helpers is very dangerous.

There’s a few different issues here;

Sick child - you or DH need to take time off to look after them. Either annual leave or parental leave, No one else will want your sick child.

School drop offs/pick ups - you need a breakfast/after school club. The school may not have one but there will be a nursery, childminder or private provision nearby that offer this, Ring the school and ask them if you’re not sure.
This will also help you out with the school holidays if needed.

Once your daughter starts school arrange some play dates and make an effort to get to know the other parents. If you’re lucky you may then be able to ask them to help you out with the odd day here and there. This some way down the line though so I would get the paid childcare in place first.
If there genuinely is nothing (I’d assume the school is tiny?!) I’d personally be looking at other schools it could all be very stressful for you.

We did build a village … and some people probably saw me as a CF!
Nursery - a couple of children had parties when they were 3 but the parties didn’t really kick off until they were 4. Parents go to those as well and you spend a couple of hours each weekend making small talk and gradually become acquaintances if not friends with other parents and begin to do play dates and swap the odd childcare favour
Reception - the same routine
In your immediate community - who else is walking to the same primary school as you? And on what days? There were four or five on my road and we gradually got to know each other and occasionally there would be an emergency WhatsApp to ask if anyone could walk their children down too. At pick up it might be that someone was running late and asked you to wait at school with their child for an extra 5 mins. I had the classic when DD was in reception of being told something would be delivered between 10 - 12 and seeing the van turn into our street as we walked out. I told DD that, as soon as we saw someone we vaguely knew, she’d be walking to school with them that morning! Our street had a bunch of teens & students. I gradually got to know them and had them on a WhatsApp group and would send a message around asking if one of them could do some ad hoc childcare. This didn’t work if a child was sick or if the teens/students were at school or Uni but it helped out on a number of occasions, especially if another neighbour was able to walk the children back from school
Paid childcare - I put posts on childcare.co.uk and the local FB groups from time to time asking if anyone was interested in ad hoc childcare. We’d always do an arranged session first so the DC got to know them and they got to know us and then, again, I could message them. DC are now teens but DH is away with work in a couple of weeks and I have one of them taking DS to an activity. If the DC were properly ill, DH or I would take the day off but if they were just under the weather or needed another day off to be fully recovered and to be at home rather than at school or nursery, then often one of these women could step in as many of them worked part time hours.
For all of the childcare providers (teens, students & Nannie’s etc), I paid over the odds so they were always happy to help out. When using friends, I was always generous in returning the favour.
You won’t be the only one in this predicament! One school mum took DD to an activity most weeks but knew I would always have her DD on the last day of term when they finished at lunchtime and have her over for a day when the mum worked in the holidays.

This is super confusing. If your child is sick then you look after them yourself. There is no other option (I suppose some people might have grandparents willing to help out but that’s probably quite rare). You need to take annual leave or hopefully your workplace has a family leave policy you can use. I get one a year to use for when my kids are sick - and my husband gets the same so we juggle between us. We use camps for school holidays as we cannot cover everything with annual leave.

Realistically your options are a registered childminder for those school pick ups, your husband taking annual leave or arrange with work to finish early those 2 days, or find a family member to help if you have that option.
When your child is sick, again realistically either you or husband needs to take annual leave or unpaid leave from work to look after your child. There really isn’t much else if you don’t have that support network.
I’m a single parent, no support network around me, so if my child is sick, I either work from home or take the time off unpaid. I have flexible working in place with my employer in the form of adjusted hours to ensure I’m always available for drop off and pick up at nursery/preschool (7.30am-6pm). I’m also looking at schools for next year and I will absolutely only be applying for schools that do wraparound care to cover the same hours my nursery currently does. You can’t just create a support network out of thin air or by putting a poster up (ridiculously dangerous suggestion).
There are 2 of you that can negotiate with your employers, I’m sure you can make it work. Compromise is needed.

put a poster in the local newsagents

what kind of shit movie wast that in? NO ONE does this! People don't even do that for a cleaner, so a babysitter?

kind ladies or gentlemen can contact you
that can only be a sick joke surely. That thread or this one.

2 picks ups twice a year he could use annual leave. Look for holiday clubs for the school holidays, that’s what we do to cover the days we can’t do in those and usually there’s other children from her class in them too at the local holiday club.

As soon as you get the school place next April, start making connections. Go to the local community events, join the class WhatsApp when it’s set up, set up park play dates for the summer before school starts to start making friend with the parents in class. Ask what activities their DCs go to and put yours in some of the same ones as the parents tend to sit together and chat during these whilst waiting for DCs to come out. I wouldn’t ask for emergency sick child cover but we do help each other out for the odd times when we can’t pick up due to a work change or other emergency, and help each other with the extracurricular activities if needed and helps a lot.

Putting an ad in the newspaper for a kind lady or gentleman to look after you sick child is as mad a suggestion as I've ever seen on here. It belongs on the list of insane advice, just above giving an i-Phone to the homeless man who broke into your shed, but just under giving a Cream Egg to a woman threatening you in the street.

Also if he takes a half day x 2 then that is one less day of precious annual leave to cover the 13 weeks of school holidays we also can't cover in full between us.

Welcome to parenting a school aged child, you can kiss goodbye to your annual leave! There are camps in the school holidays, sometimes you'll need to use holiday or unpaid leave on ad hoc days.

It is a massive juggle. I think you'll need to look at some of the childcare agencies or child minders who do ad hoc babysitting for odd days you know you'll be unable to make the school run. You can't just trust 'kind' people who pop up from an ad, they need proper qualifications and background checks! Wrap around care was a big factor in selecting a school for us too.

Exactly this.

Be helpful yourself when you can and you'll find it's (usually) reciprocated. You do get the odd CF, so you need to be slightly wary. But I've only had two of those ever across all my three children and they were spotted very quickly!

Both husband and I work FT and I work around hour commute, we don’t have family near by.

Sick days shared between us equally, he has had to train it back from London as much as I have. We chosen schools with good wrap around and moved closer to the secondary school for independence and ensuring they can get to school. & used holiday clubs. My husband hates the house we live in but as I say to him if we move is he prepared to take on the school run -funnily enough no!

What was hard was an emergency contact, we literally didn’t know many people! For my eldest it was my neighbour - we only ever needed it once! We moved but still very close to them. For my youngest it was another working parents we got to know over time - we were each others.

You muddle through, but it has to be equally shared between parents.