Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to deal with certain in laws?

7 replies

Appl3x · 21/11/2025 20:23

Posting here for traction. Im quite an anxious person snd i was diagnosed with aspergers in my teens so social stuff overwhelms me

1 of DHs brother has always had a problem with me. Since day 1 im not sure why. Was always making little comments about me trying to play it as a joke but they were putting me down etc. Then when I was pregnant with mine and DHs 2nd baby he tries to cause a massive argument said im weird and I copy him and his family? As our kids who are 6 months apart had the same coat (from Sainsbury's mind you) one time. Yep. DH didnt take the bait and flipped out on him told him to do one for being so odd. This then led to them not speaking for .months and DH brother not even congratulating him when our youngest was born. He doesnt even acknowledge her shes nearly 2 and when everyone's together hell acknowledge other kids but barley looks DDs way

I think its baffling to dislike a baby or have any sort of animosity towards them but he does and I can feel it. He speaks to ant other kids on that side even does address eldest

But I just dread gatherings on DH side now. I feel so awkward all together as I know.gim and I presume his wife dislike me. I raised it to dh but he said he didn't want another argument etc and I get ir I felt bad moaning that I can tell they dont like me when, when the pair of them weren't speaking and we had a newborn his mum and dad wouldn't stop badgering him about it

But I cant avoid it so I need to deal with it and not let my morning pre family gathering be filled with anxiety or my late afternoon filled with negative energy after going because I feel awkward

And another odd factors is DHs brother constantly tries to make a competition between kids. I wish hed stop as a very personal aspect for us is our eldest is being assessed soon for adhd and aspergers. So no he wont be like neurological kids if that diagnosis comes back. Please stop comparing when weve noticed since he was a baby he was slightly delayed in things

But anyway. Tips welcome please

OP posts:
Appl3x · 21/11/2025 21:07

Any tips x

OP posts:
Artmumcreative · 21/11/2025 21:17

No tips really but just to say that I have really difficult in-laws (but in other ways). There shouldn't be competition between cousins- I know the reality is different and my toddler has been compared both favourably and unfavourably to her cousins. They're children, all children develop differently and are individual people!

Appl3x · 21/11/2025 21:51

Artmumcreative · 21/11/2025 21:17

No tips really but just to say that I have really difficult in-laws (but in other ways). There shouldn't be competition between cousins- I know the reality is different and my toddler has been compared both favourably and unfavourably to her cousins. They're children, all children develop differently and are individual people!

Agreed it winds me up as he asks Dh things like oh is he (DS) doing this yet that etc

Not in a nice askinfbway , so he can compare

Luckily its not often we see him but unfortunately at least once a month

OP posts:
Endofyear · 21/11/2025 22:06

Why do you and your kids have to go at all? I would tell DH to go and see his family if he wants but you're not going. I wouldn't spend time with people who've made it quite clear they don't like me.

Appl3x · 21/11/2025 22:21

Endofyear · 21/11/2025 22:06

Why do you and your kids have to go at all? I would tell DH to go and see his family if he wants but you're not going. I wouldn't spend time with people who've made it quite clear they don't like me.

My youngest is still very velcro with me shes only young so she'd just cry for me if he took the kids without me and he's made the point of the kids deserve to see the wider family which I agree for the other members

Bit of a tough one wish I didnt have to go

OP posts:
Endofyear · 21/11/2025 23:05

Appl3x · 21/11/2025 22:21

My youngest is still very velcro with me shes only young so she'd just cry for me if he took the kids without me and he's made the point of the kids deserve to see the wider family which I agree for the other members

Bit of a tough one wish I didnt have to go

I think your husband is being very unreasonable, you've already said they don't even acknowledge your daughter so why does he want to take her? I'd never subject my DH to my family if they were rude or unpleasant to him. His first loyalty should be to you and his children.

SquareHead37 · 21/11/2025 23:28

Surely dad can distract a crying child? Just let them get on with it and do something nice for yourself while they’re gone.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page