How much do you love your partner

ton181 · 2025-11-21T18:00:01+00:00

I had a discussion with my very long term partner and I said I believe my partner loved their siblings more than they actually loved me. They agreed. For context they are 45 and we've been together for 20 years. I've tried to write this as gender neutral. I think your partner should mean more to you and therefore be more important to you, and loved at least EQUALLY. So am I being unreasonable?

Evaka · 21/11/2025 18:03

I think there are lots of types of love and forcing a comparison is foolish. I dont care that my partner adores his family. It doesn't diminish how much love he has for me!

To answer your question literally, my partner had a scary medical emergency yesterday and I love him 5 billion's worth today.

DarkForces · 21/11/2025 18:05

I love dh more than everyone except dd. I tell them the dog is my favourite though to keep them on their toes.

Praying4Peace · 21/11/2025 18:09

Different ways of loving and I don't love my partner above others

Titasaducksarse · 21/11/2025 18:11

After the dog, I love him more than anyone else

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/11/2025 18:13

Well I would be quite upset by this.

I think loving your children more than your partner would be normal.
But I feel as an adult you move on from your birth family and the person you share your life with, be it spouse or long term partner , would naturally supplant your birth family as the next most important person in your life.

I know that, like a lot of people, I found my birth family difficult, and so to love my DH more was easy for me.
But even if I'd been close to my parents and siblings I feel that as an adult the natural thing would mean my DH was more important.

Owlmoonstar · 21/11/2025 18:14

Are their siblings the opposite sex?

Original poster

ton181 · 21/11/2025 18:42

opposite sex - sorry I dont know how to reply to a message

OP posts:

Spiracles · 21/11/2025 18:44

We should have more words for "love".

There are different ways to feel about different people. "Love" really shouldn't have to cover them all.

TheSwarm · 21/11/2025 18:47

I mean, if you ask the question you have to be prepared for an answer you don't like, especially if it's worded as leadingly as you put in your OP.

TheSwarm · 21/11/2025 18:48

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/11/2025 18:13

Well I would be quite upset by this.

I think loving your children more than your partner would be normal.
But I feel as an adult you move on from your birth family and the person you share your life with, be it spouse or long term partner , would naturally supplant your birth family as the next most important person in your life.

I know that, like a lot of people, I found my birth family difficult, and so to love my DH more was easy for me.
But even if I'd been close to my parents and siblings I feel that as an adult the natural thing would mean my DH was more important.

It's an odd thing to rank though, don't you think?

Every single member of my family is important to me for different reasons. I don't have a hierarchy that I've made up in terms of how important they are relative to each other.

indoorplantqueen · 21/11/2025 18:53

i love my dd the most, but if I was made to rank love between my dh, parents or siblings I wouldn’t do it. I love them differently and have different relationship with them all (obviously).

SaltySpitoon · 21/11/2025 18:55

There are different kinds of love. If I had to pick I would put my children above all others, but I love my DH, my brother, and my parents all equally but in different ways.

AutumnClouds · 21/11/2025 18:56

YABU for asking the question, PIBU for answering wrong

I’d probably pull my sister from a fire before my partner but I’d rather live with him! It’s not a straightforward ranking and I’d never tell either of them that.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 21/11/2025 19:00

I love my brother very much but very differently to the way I love DH and DDs.
DB is unwell at the moment and the thought of losing him is devastating.

DD1 had a shocking seizure out of the blue last month whilst overseas, and I thought the anxiety I felt en route to the hospital might kill me. My heart rate was out of control and I was making involuntary little whimpering noises while waiting to board the aircraft to get to her. I was not in full control of myself.
I adore DH, he is literally the best person I know, but I believe that, for the sake of my DDs, that I would find a way to go on if I lost him. I know I couldn’t make the same promise to him, if I lost my daughters. I would try but I love them in a way that I cannot moderate. It is slightly unhinged in its passion.
I can understand why you feel a bit hurt. Do you and your partner have children?

ObtuseMoose · 21/11/2025 19:01

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/11/2025 18:13

Well I would be quite upset by this.

I think loving your children more than your partner would be normal.
But I feel as an adult you move on from your birth family and the person you share your life with, be it spouse or long term partner , would naturally supplant your birth family as the next most important person in your life.

I know that, like a lot of people, I found my birth family difficult, and so to love my DH more was easy for me.
But even if I'd been close to my parents and siblings I feel that as an adult the natural thing would mean my DH was more important.

I'm sorry but that's fucking weird, why would the love you have for your birth family be supplanted?

Missj25 · 21/11/2025 19:04

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/11/2025 18:13

Well I would be quite upset by this.

I think loving your children more than your partner would be normal.
But I feel as an adult you move on from your birth family and the person you share your life with, be it spouse or long term partner , would naturally supplant your birth family as the next most important person in your life.

I know that, like a lot of people, I found my birth family difficult, and so to love my DH more was easy for me.
But even if I'd been close to my parents and siblings I feel that as an adult the natural thing would mean my DH was more important.

Completely agree with this 👌

JudgeBread · 21/11/2025 19:04

The love I have for my siblings and the love I have for my husband are completely different.

But gun to my head I definitely love my husband more.

And the dog slightly more than that 😁

garakthetailor · 21/11/2025 19:05

DarkForces · 21/11/2025 18:05

I love dh more than everyone except dd. I tell them the dog is my favourite though to keep them on their toes.

This 100%!

Owlmoonstar · 21/11/2025 19:06

ton181 · 21/11/2025 18:42

opposite sex - sorry I dont know how to reply to a message

Do you think you would have been less offended if he was referring to his brother?

Could it be that you feel threatened by him loving another woman more than you? Even if it's his sister?

Sometimes our brains like to throw out irrational thoughts.

Either way, I hope you're okay 🌹

TheDandyLion · 21/11/2025 19:09

There is no upper limit for love. It's not a restricted emotion with only a limited amount to go around. Give more love and love more people.

Endofyear · 21/11/2025 19:13

I think it's a very odd conversation to have and not something I'd ever ask my DH - love for different people shouldn't be a comparison. Obviously, I love my children above and beyond everyone else but I don't compare the love for my mum, my siblings, my closest friends and my husband. There is room to love them all.

CinnamonBuns67 · 21/11/2025 19:24

Apart from the cat and the children. I love my husband above everyone else. I'd say my rankings are my DC's, cat, DH, DSIS1, DB1, Best Friend, DSIS2, DB2, Regular Friends and DM

NConthe · 21/11/2025 20:28

So weird to rank like that. Competing for different types of love, bizarre

TowerRavenSeven · 21/11/2025 20:31

I love my husband and family the same, but different. This is what I also told ds when he was three and asked if I loved him more than my husband!