Complaint or not?

[c2025]

So for context my son (3 years is on the pathway for a potential autism diagnosis)

I had the Health visitor out for some support and advice around potty training as my son is reluctant and keeps having accidents.

She made a comment to my (6 month old baby) 'oh I wonder how Youl get on at your 2 year review, had we may as well get you on the pathway now to save some time'

I was a bit too stunned to speak to be honest. This is following other inappropriate comments she made at his 2 year review. I asked how it seems to be that autism is more prevalent now, she answered that we are just more knowledgeable to support needs now whereas as in the past you'd just be known as that 'weird man' almost implying autistic people are 'weird'

Mentally. I am still coming to terms with the fact my son is on the pathway and the difficulties that may lay ahead for him, and I am very anxious of my baby also being autistic. So I'm still feeling quite upset about this comment.

Do I make a formal complaint to her superiors (bearing in mind I will also still have to see her so it would be awkward) or do I email her and give her some truthful feedback to how she presents herself?

Thanks for reading

The weird man comment wasn’t implying that autism is weird. I get what she was trying to say.

The rest of it…hmm.

Is she the only HV attached to your GP practice?

Although worded badly, she has a point about past attitudes.
She's completely out of order about your baby, and yes, that's worth a complaint imho.
Wishing you all the best at what must be a time of challenging adjustment for you.

Totally inappropriate of her to say that, definitely complain.

Without being there, I don't think anyone can say.

I agree with pp about the 'weird man' comment, that wasn't meant to imply autistic people are 'weird', just that those were the perceptions of the past.

The 'might as well get you on the pathway' comment, could easily be her trying to share frustration over how ridiculously long the wait times are for these things rather than saying your 6 mo is also autistic.

Well considering the wait list for over 3s is several years in some areas and that autism has a high genetic component it's kinda something I would think as well because the system is in such a state. Being on the radar to get early intervention means your 2yr check might be at 2yrs and then getting referred half a year before others in your area.

Yes she is right about past attitudes and how people were and are perceived

Personally not a visit I would complain about but ask her to expand on any comments

I dont understand the first part but is she not saying something like - while I'm here let's get you started on your two year assessment and saying it in a jokey way like obviously you wouldn't as the baby is 6 months or am I missing something?

I think you’re obviously a bit sensitive right now and it’s understandable . I don’t think she meant any malice , I know it’s my sort of character to make daft comments and put my foot into things to ease a situation . I think she was trying to make you feel better but she went the wrong way about it .

Just to add. She's had no interactions with my 6 month old other than him playing and rolling about on his play mat for the 20 minute visit she had.

I suppose I am being sensitive as I'm anxious about it, however why say that. To add more context my oldest son is neurotypical so it's not as it it's a given my youngest will also be autistic

I think she was trying to be supportive to you and it missed the mark. I don’t think the stress of complaining would be worth it in this instance.

What's your energy worth here, fighting the system to get the help your child needs or fighting the people who (in theory) help your child get the help they need. Thoughtless, inappropriate comments, honestly forget them and ask to be put on the list so. People will always make stupid and ridiculous comments regarding children with ASD.

Was coming on to say this. Mum of two autie kids, the elder one (DD) is definitely ‘different’ but she’s also at university, has a string of GCSE 9s/Level 3distinctions behind her and will probably end up at GCHQ with a load of other ‘weird’ men and women. She’ll save the world in her own way.

HV absolutely shouldn’t be speaking about ASD children in this way. Frankly I wonder whether she is in the right profession but definitely needs sensitivity and autism awareness training.

Sorry that you are struggling with coming to terms with your DS’s diagnosis - and what that may mean for both him and you. I’d contact the NAS (National Autism Society) and find the local parent group to join as they can be amazing support for you as you navigate this. Decades of experience with the local service providers between a dozen or so families. Plus tea and empathy.

"Do I make a formal complaint to her superiors (bearing in mind I will also still have to see her so it would be awkward) or do I email her and give her some truthful feedback to how she presents herself?"

Honestly, do neither. You're really over thinking it.

The comment to your 6 month old sounds more like a complaint about how slow the system is than a suggestion that your baby is autistic.

There's nothing wrong with the comment 2 years ago and it doesn't suggest that she thinks autistic people are weird.

You're being over-sensitive here and reading far too much into what she said. Let it go.

No, you shouldn’t complain. You are over thinking it, nothing good will come of it and you are right to worry about it making things awkward going forward.