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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to help 5 year old DS

8 replies

RealReginaPhalange · 21/11/2025 11:20

My DS is a brilliant boy, although i think he struggles socially little bit. According to his teacher he sometimes wait for his peers reaction to something and copies it and is not being himself. I also know he is not a child to come up to someone and chat or play, he will wait on the side and watch others play. He seems very naive as well, not sure if it is to keep a friend or what, for example he had a jacket potato for lunch at school because his friend told him to have it. Or his friend told him this or that so he had to do it He likes this boy and we speak a lot at home about boundaries and what is good and bad behaviour. He doesnt seem to play with anyone else and it is hard for me to encourage him.

the other day we were walking home from school, he wanted to wait for another boy who lives close by, fine. My ds wanted to run around so he did but the boy was just finishing his snack, then he wanted to join and was calling my boy but ds refused. he went to run when the boy came back to walk with his mom.

today someone else saw him and shouted his name, i was encouraging to say hello or wave or smth, nope. Ds didnt want to. Its very hard to encourage him to say good morning back to adults who says it directly to him - like a parent of another child, teacher, shop assistant. No amount of conversations are helping.

he is very sensitive and emotional, we are doing our best but it isn’t helping. He also started missbehaving, not listening always, talks to us with raised voice and some aggrevated tone in his voice. Its al started few months before he went to reception, buy since school definitely its worse. Previously he used to go to childminder (part time) and we never had any issues with him.

i am just worried we are doing something wrong instead of helping him and i am lost

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 15:33

Is is situationally mute?

It could be he is still quite immature or there could be something going on. I think you are best to follow his lead and see how things go.

Sheeeena · 21/11/2025 15:38

Sticker chart for politeness, with rewards for things like ordering his meal at restaurants and saying good morning when you pass a neighbour? I think there’s a thin line with children sometimes between shyness and just not being bothered, and practice helps. Good manners will get him far.

lolly427 · 21/11/2025 17:08

DS never said hello to people, still struggled with it as a teen even, struggled a bit socially and was a bit of a follower, your description reminds me a lot of him, he was diagnosed as autistic at 10. I'd say your ds is still very young so not to worry about it at this point but i would just keep a note of these things.

I would say just keep doing as you're doing, stay clear, calm and consistent and just model and gently encourage the behaviour you'd like him to show.

Haveyouanyjam · 21/11/2025 21:44

My DD is 4, she never used to say hello back when people spoke to her, even friends she played with all day at preschool nursery, but usually does now. She still won’t speak to those she doesn’t know unless they make an effort with her and takes time to warm up.

I am 36 and am still guilty of half saying half mouthing hello to other parents who greet me quietly etc. even when I mean to respond properly so I assume she gets it from me…

We probably both have ADHD but I also don’t mind her not engaging with things she’s not comfortable with, it’s pretty obvious she’s being shy rather than deliberately rude.

RealReginaPhalange · 21/11/2025 22:54

I really dont think its adhd or anything else, could be wrong of course but from what i read, and mother’s instinct is telling me its nothing like that. I just need an advice how to tackle his behaviour.

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 22/11/2025 07:58

I wasn’t suggesting he has ADHD, just giving context.

I don’t think you really need to do anything about him being a bit socially awkward is what I was saying, I talked to my daughter about it and didn’t put any pressure on it and it just improved over time as she got more confident. Just praise when he does respond appropriately or get involved. I wouldn’t worry, he’s very young.

Similar with the rudeness, either ignore and ask him about it later or model the correct way to say something. So if he says something in a rude tone either ask him to try it again or repeat back to him what he should have said in a calm polite tone. It’s pretty normal for them to test you in this way when they’ve had to be at school being told what to do all day.

Honestly nothing you’ve said sounds concerning to me, just keep being calm and consistent and building his confidence and he will get there.

RealReginaPhalange · 23/11/2025 19:23

Haveyouanyjam · 22/11/2025 07:58

I wasn’t suggesting he has ADHD, just giving context.

I don’t think you really need to do anything about him being a bit socially awkward is what I was saying, I talked to my daughter about it and didn’t put any pressure on it and it just improved over time as she got more confident. Just praise when he does respond appropriately or get involved. I wouldn’t worry, he’s very young.

Similar with the rudeness, either ignore and ask him about it later or model the correct way to say something. So if he says something in a rude tone either ask him to try it again or repeat back to him what he should have said in a calm polite tone. It’s pretty normal for them to test you in this way when they’ve had to be at school being told what to do all day.

Honestly nothing you’ve said sounds concerning to me, just keep being calm and consistent and building his confidence and he will get there.

Thank you. Will try your suggestions.

OP posts:
MisiSam · 23/11/2025 19:37

He sounds so similar to my little boy is now 6 now in year 2 , when he was 4 going on 5 in reception he would also ignore friends trying to talk to him and he completely stopped talking to adults apart from me and his dad and my mum. He is such a different boy now but he has been diagnosed with a processing delay. He just needs a bit of extra time for things to sink in. I don't have much advice other than just keep on encouraging him but not so much he is uncomfortable. Hopefully he will come gain confidence just like my little boy has, he's never going to be the loud one but he now will call out if he sees a friend on the other side of the road and will reply to adults when they ask how he is. Our school senco and the school has been really helpful. Have you got anything like this at your school?

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