To think people should say “fuck tradition” when planning their wedding?

[PieNotProtocol]

If you’re planning a wedding or ceremony, my biggest recommendation is this: fuck tradition.

If you want pie instead of cake, do it.
If you want to wear red, do it.
If you want Chinese takeaway instead of steak or dry chicken, do it.

Who cares what guests think? As a guest myself, I just want to eat something, see the outfits, maybe cry a little and go home. What I love is seeing couples actually enjoy their day.

But the truth is, very few people I know actually enjoyed their wedding day. Even the ones who looked like they had a great time later admitted they were stressed out, overwhelmed, or underwhelmed, or all three.

And a lot of that stress comes from people who aren’t even in the marriage. Parents. Bridesmaids. Aunties. Friends with expectations. I’ve seen people get physically sick from wedding stress because of all the “but you have to…” voices in their ears.

So AIBU to think couples should ignore all the tradition policing and do whatever the hell feels good to them?

I did. I had no hen party. I walked myself down the aisle (because I’m a grown woman who didn’t belong to anybody to ‘give me away’). I told everyone to wear what they felt comfortable in - if that was jeans i really didn’t mind. We had afternoon tea, then a sit down meal in the evening and drinks reception afterwards. No disco, no first dance. No buggering off for two hours for photos while the guests hung around while we had photos. We had a ‘cake’ made of cheese (we both dislike cake) that was served after dinner. No favours, no temu tat, no tacky centrepieces (we just had the hotels silver candelabras on the tables with fresh flowers).

It was completely relaxed. Everyone got very merry and we put up all our guests at the hotel. The food was amazing and there was loads of it, and we all had a bloody good laugh. Best day of my life!

Went to a wedding on a budget last year. There was a church ceremony then we got sent to a local pub while the bridal party did scenic pictures.

The reception was in a community centre. Some of us had helped the night before setting tables and decorating the room.

There was a substantial buffet cooked mainly by two of her relatives, one of whom is a chef. They supplied wine, soft drinks and she borrowed a keg line and brought two kegs of lager from work (she manages a bar). They said if you want spirits, bring them with you. Various bottles turned up and were shared. They had her brothers speaker system and laptop for music.

It was absolutely brilliant with everyone just eating, drinking and having a good time. One of the best weddings I've been to.

The sight of the bride crouched down in her big princess dress changing a keg will stay with me forever 😂

In fairness i think most men would gladly take this approach.

Women, (and female relatives of bride & groom) not so much.

Yes - we had a fairly standard wedding but with some bits we wanted to 'be more us' - nothing dramatic but food, decorations, etc had elements that i was quite proud of not being the 'traditional wedding'. Those bits were far more expensive and more faff than the bits that were cookie-cutter 'classic wedding' stuff. They're also the bits that, if I'm honest, haven't aged so well. I think you could look at our wedding photos and the bits that we thought were really unique are the bits that are a bit cringy now in a 'tell me you got married in the early 2010s without telling me you got married in the early 2010s' way.

I have PDA. Things we did that we were told we couldn’t:

wore jeans
restricted the guest list to those we had actually had contact with in the last 2 years
had more friends than relatives
had no speeches
had no gift list
didn’t have table flowers
didn’t have rings
kept our own names
just had one best man and one best woman, no bridesmaids, ushers or flower people
everyone walked themselves down the aisle

There were probably other things too.