Am I right to cut off my 81 year old Dad at the age of 50?

[Motheroffive999]

Is it a bad thing and why do I feel guilty ?
I have to side with my adult children because he has pushed things too far.
Mainly rudeness , lies and broken promises and before my Mum passed away he was an absolute , more than 10 affairs that I know of , unkind and would beat us( not mum ).
Does anyone else have broken contact as an adult with an elderly parent?
Thank you for reading .

OP, you know the history with your dad better than your colleagues ever could. Don't worry about the judgements of those who haven't ever had to walk in your shoes and never will. Do what you believe is right for you and for the other people that you love.

It sounds like you've given your dad chances previously, and he's blown them. We all have our limits.

I went non contact after he left my mum the day after my 18th Birthday for a 21 year old.
I then met my husband and had children .I didn't want them to be involved as he had thentreated my Grandmother badly ( his mum ) and took her money.
When she died I met him again at her funeral and he said he was sorry and he couldn't change the past etc etc .
I had very low contact with him though , I felt he was trying to be nice / polite but I never allowed my children to ever be alone with him .
He isn't interested in them now , never asks about them .
They do not want to have anything to do with him as he has showed his true colours.

My parents have died. I had a lovely relationship with my father (who died first), and miss him everyday. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, and still miss her everyday. I joke that I miss having someone to argue with, and torment me. She lied, she manipulated, hoarded, twisted things and spread gossip, she judged people, she tried to turn her kids against each other, she had control and narcissistic tendencies. She tried to turn the grand-kids against us. She said some outrageous nasty things about me, and my life. When I was disabled in a terrible accident, she just distanced herself after realising I would not recover and be useful free labour to her business anymore. Going through probate when she died suddenly, I uncovered emails to other people about me and my accident. It made it clear that I was a 'problem' rather than an asset to the family at that point. She didn't see me as a person or her child, but someone who could be used and appointed to look after her needs. I considered cutting her out of my life in the years before her death, and have an older sibling who did just that. She became increasingly abusive and angry once my Dad had died (who incurred her wrath for decades). In hindsight I am glad I didn't, but I did learn to manage her behaviour and stop her manipulating me. I feel that I did my duty as a daughter to take care of her practically, but I shut her out emotionally like a fortress as she took great joy in torturing her nearest and dearest. A good friend wisely said if I didn't share stuff with her, she would not have ammunition for a later fight to hurt me with. It worked wonders, but I would have felt guilty had I abandoned her as she had no-one left locally to care for her. You must do what you feel is right for you and your family. You can keep an eye on him at an emotional distance without cutting him off. Lets face it, at his age he cannot keep going forever.

He was obviously abusive throughout your childhood and, after you gave him a second chance, he has carried on with the same abusive behaviour.

Ignore your sanctimonious colleagues. Unless they have experienced the same sort of childhood themselves, they are not qualified to tell you that you are being mean.

Mean and cruel young men turn into mean and cruel middle aged men and finally into mean and cruel old men. His age doesn't make him entitled to your love, care or support. He doesn't deserve any of it.