Tldr: around two months ago we rehomed our dog and I cannot seem to get over it.
Long version: We got her from a rescue six years ago. She'd always been slightly anxious, but it was totally manageable and she was brilliant with our older kids and very sweet natured. Then just over a year ago we had DC3 and her anxiety went through the roof, and worsened even more once he was mobile. We tried behaviourists, medication, diet changes etc but nothing seemed to help, and eventually one day she snapped at him (unprovoked - she went over to him to do it). I was right there as always when they were in the same room so managed to grab her in time, and the baby wasn't hurt, but it was a very close call.
We were left with the decision of either keeping them totally separate (which would have necessarily meant her spending a lot of time shut away from us, which she would have hated), or rehoming her, and after discussing with the vets and the rescue she came from decided on the latter. The rescue did all their usual vetting and she has gone to a wonderful lady who obviously loves her to bits.
I've had regular updates, pics and videos and she seems to be very happy and settled.
DC1 and 2 were incredibly upset at first, and do miss her, but both have reported they're feeling better about it as time goes on and that it helps to know she's happy. DH is the same. But I seem to be going the other way.
It sounds ridiculous but I honestly feel bereft without her. The house feels wrong and empty, even though it still contains five humans and two cats! Every time I come home and don't have to dodge her trying to flatten me at the door it hits me all over again that she's actually gone, and isn't coming back. I haven't been able to bear going for a run or even a walk since she went, as it just feels pointless without her. Seeing other dogs out and about makes me tear up. I feel it's all my fault - not just making the decision to rehome her but everything. I pushed to get her in the first place, and also pushed for DC3 - DH would have been quite happy without either! I keep thinking I could have managed things better somehow so she didn't get so stressed out. And I keep worrying about the long-term effects on DC1 and 2. They seem ok but I feel like 'my mum gave my dog away' is a pretty terrible childhood memory to have acquired.
I know it's normal to be upset by something like this but I am starting to feel the extent to which it's affecting me and the fact it seems to be going on so long isn't normal. I feel ridiculous, it's not like she's died! She's 'only' a dog, and moreover one who is currently living her best life, being spoiled rotten in a lovely home where she's allowed on the sofa and the beds (which have both been major life goals for her) has constant human company and where there are no erratic babies in the mix to stress her out. So from her perspective I'd say she's probably now considerably happier than she was with us! So why can I not seem to get over this?!
AIBU?