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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is my child doing this ?

20 replies

peachyrose · 20/11/2025 21:15

Dd aged 8 keeps saying really odd things !

she starts off my saying “ mummy I have something in my head “ so i of course ask her as I always would ask her / expect her to off load any worries but she comes out with really odd things like

“ I’ve got something in my head like you are really fat but you aren’t fat, have I upset you mummy I’m sorry “

“ I’ve got something in my head and it’s that my teacher is ugly but she’s really not ugly “

“ I’ve got something in my head I didn’t really want to be a big sister, but I don’t mean it mummy because I always wanted To be a big sister and I love my younger brothers and sister “

those are examples over the past few days really not sure why or what to do ? Any advise would be greatly appreciated x

OP posts:
Tammygirl12 · 20/11/2025 21:17

I think she’s testing out those feelings but is feeling guilty about them because she knows they are hurtful to say out loud. She’s torn

JLou08 · 20/11/2025 21:18

It sounds like intrusive thoughts. I'd just tell her we can't control what comes into our head but we can control our actions and make sure we don't do or say anything that would make someone sad.

squashyhat · 20/11/2025 21:18

It sounds like she is conflicted about her true feelings versus what she knows she is expected to think or say.

TheatricalLife · 20/11/2025 21:19

Sounds to me like she has intrusive thoughts and then struggles to comprehend what they mean (understandably) and feels guilty about them. It is common. Is she quite an anxious child?

Notsurewhatisnormalanymore · 20/11/2025 21:19

Sounds like thoughts but she knows that they’re going to hurt people’s feelings, bless her.

CryMyEyesViolet · 20/11/2025 21:21

Are you fat and is her teacher ugly? Is she just having thoughts about this and conflicted because she knows they’re mean thoughts?

I think it’s different if you’re a size 6 and the teacher could have been a supermodel where these are objectively untrue thoughts…

ShenendoahRiver · 20/11/2025 21:25

I’d keep a very close eye on this
Intrusive thoughts can be a starting point to OCD

Beamur · 20/11/2025 21:25

Intrusive thoughts for sure. Can be an early indicator of possibly OCD type thinking so I would take this seriously.
She needs you to explain this to her in a way she can understand. They are just thoughts and everyone has these kind of mean, negative often taboo thoughts but, some people like your DD (and mine) take more notice of them than others. This can lead to shame and embarrassment as the child thinks these horrible thoughts mean they are horrible people. Thoughts affect our emotions but we can change how we feel about these thoughts consciously.
My DD has got better over the years of recognising when it's 'just a thought '.
Trying to suppress/deal with these thoughts can result in rumination. Good luck

värskekapsas · 20/11/2025 21:26

I also thought sounds like ocd or intrusive thoughts

PurpleCyclamen · 20/11/2025 21:29

Tell her not to worry, we all have strange thoughts pop in our head at times - sometimes they can be quite unpleasant but everyone gets them.
Encourage her to just let the thoughts pass through and not dwell on them or worry about them.
The more she dwells on them or worries about them, the more the brain attaches significance to them.

Namechangedasouting987 · 20/11/2025 21:37

Intrusive thoughts. As others have said its a good idea to explain that most people have these odd thoughts, and that they are just thoughts and not reality. A thought does not make a thing real.
A couple of ways to help with it:
The conveyor belt. Thoughts go through her head on a conveyor belt. Some thoughts are worth taking off the belt amd thinking about more closely. And some we should try to leave on the conveyor belt and let them pass on by.
Also explain that such thoughts shouldn't be pushed down..as they just pop up bigger. My DS was taught the beachball and pool analogy. Thoughts bob around like beach balls in a pool. If its a thought we dont want then the worst thing to do is push that ball/ thought under the water as it pops out even stronger. Best to let the ball just bob around and maybe collect in a corner of the pool. So try to pay it less attention but don't suppress it.
It can also help to name and label thoughts. So recognise its an intrusive thought, and tell it that in her head and move on.
Hope some of these tips might help.
There is a good kids book called 'What to do when your brain gets stuck" which would be age appropriate for her.

Zapx · 20/11/2025 21:57

I used to do this when I was a child! I think my mum felt like I was permanently at confession…

It’s great she’s telling you. Just keep reassuring her it doesn’t make her a bad person etc, we all get intrusive thoughts from time to time. For me it just stopped after a while, probably did drive my mum slightly mad whilst it was going on though…

BonfireNight1993 · 20/11/2025 21:59

I struggled with things like this as a child, which was the start of my issues with intrusive thoughts and OCD. But I never told any adult, I didn't trust them to react well to it, so it's a really good thing that your daughter feels able to talk to you about it.

WookieMama · 20/11/2025 22:28

It does sound like intrusive thoughts and so good that she feels able to tell you. I was too ashamed to mention them when I was a child, but DDs started around age 7/8. I’ve always been open to hearing them and not making a big deal, reinforcing that just because you have a thought, it doesn’t mean it’s real/true, thoughts pass. They caused a lot of anxiety for a while but have become easier over time. We are waiting for an ADHD assessment which may or may not be linked. Just keep being the lovely supportive mum you are OP and good luck x

Dramatic · 20/11/2025 22:33

Absolutely sounds like intrusive thoughts and 8 is actually a really common age for OCD to start. I'd reassure her as much as you can that just because these thoughts pop in to her head it doesn't mean that's how she really feels. Keep an eye on her in case she starts any sort of compulsive behaviours

BoldnessReborn · 21/11/2025 00:47

It might feel like a lifeline to her to have tour reassurance (bringing it up soon) that you are glad she is sharing those thoughts or any feelings with you. Whatever is going on, she can process it safely and not have to deal with it alone. And she will trust you with more vulnerabilities and feel even more strengthened by your acceptance of her and ability to be with her through it all.

Eenameenadeeka · 21/11/2025 01:00

It does sound like intrusive thoughts, and I love that she's able to share them with you rather than holding it in and the anxiety that comes with that experience of keeping them in.

Evergreen505 · 21/11/2025 01:02

You can only reassure her that we all get thoughts pop into our head. Some we agree with but know it would hurt feelings so don't say it out loud ( someone being fat). Other thoughts we don't believe but we have them and they can be annoying. But this is ok and normal.

Just leave it at reassurance like that for now. You can only sit and wait and see how she gets on.

It was ages 8 I really started noticing what would seem like odd things my son would express or explain. His milestones were met. He was eventually diagnosed autistic in a few years from this point. It doesn't mean that here, but when these sort of conversations come up with young kids that are quite un typical and very deep and reflective, I do think of a different type of brain. Almost beyond the years.

The other possibility is if there are adults in her ear, at school or anywhere else making her feel guilty and ashamed for true feelings and thoughts. This is what school and life does to kids. It shames the truth and authenticity right out of us so she could be questioning that. For example, someone is fat, we might say they are fat but will quickly be told not to be unkind and not to say that etc etc as children.

DancinOnTheCeiling · 21/11/2025 01:23

I agree with previous posters about intrusive thoughts/OCD type thinking.

One thing to look out for is whether the second part of the thoughts she’s telling you about are covert rituals. In OCD, people engage in compulsions/rituals to neutralise/reduce the anxiety caused by obsessions/intrusive thoughts. These rituals can be overt eg washing hands, switching off switches etc but they can also be covert/mental rituals.

In your daughter’s case, I wonder if she’s engaging in mental compulsions/rituals. It possibly sounds like she gets an Intrusive thought eg ‘mum is fat’ and then uses a mental compulsion/ritual, in her case the opposite of her intrusive thought, eg ‘no she’s not fat’, to try and cancel/neutralise the thought/the anxiety.

I would keep an eye on her OP. Previous posters made some good suggestions re conveyer belt, beachballs etc - get her to observe/‘watch’ the initial intrusive thoughts but without trying to neutralise it with the opposite thought. Just observe the initial thought like the beachball example.. I also agree with a pp about the ‘what to do when your brain gets stuck… book by Dawn Huebner.

Original poster
peachyrose · 22/11/2025 15:56

Thank you so much for the replies I did wonder about ocd, I. Grew up with ocd I had it quite bad, I used to have thoughts like “ do this or someone will die “ etc luckily I’m ok now still have ocd but not as extreme x

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