Childs mother not allowing contact

[RaginaPhalange]

Hey

Looking for some advice a friend has found himself in a difficult position. He broke up with his Mrs summer time and he has had contact with his ds the whole time, on weekends, picking up from school and video calls.

His ex has now decided to stop any physical contact but will still allow video calls. He's going to go through court but he has no idea what to tell his ds if he asks to be picked up from school via the video call in the meantime.

The reason for stopping physical contact is because he told her if they can't work things out he would seek advise. It has also came to light she's been seeing someone else and he questioned her on his ds ever being with him, she said no and low and behold his ds had.mentioned it. Friends argument is how can you know someone new in such a short amount of time and believe this person is safe to be around.

So my main question is what does he tell his ds if he asks for him to pick him up from school?

Tia if you've read this far x

He says he wishes he could but Mummy is going to pick him up for now, and he’ll see him again as soon as he can. And he loves him and misses him very much.

If he has PR he can still pick him up from school. She has no authority to keep
him from his dad unless she has a legitimate concern for his safety, or his dad doesn’t have PR. School can’t stop him collecting him either.

if on BC he can pick his child up from school and the school cannot stop him unless theres legal reasons why he can’t and technically there isnt.

As others have said she can't stop him picking his son up from school.

However he also can't stop her from having a new relationship and introducing their son. That's none of his business now they're not together

Is there more to this and you are hearing a limited version of things?

Sadly I know adults can be pricks and would stop contact like this for personal slights.

I usually use the phrases 'communication difficulty' 'not communicating well with each other' but that depends on child's age. I really miss you, want to see you very soon. Let's video call tomorrow. That's the best you can say.

I don't know physically about next steps that don't involve full on tug of war. Legally the mum cannot stop him I would think without going through legal hoops.

If I was completely innocent here and not putting kid at risk. And the child wanted to see me....I would be phoning professionals for advice. You've got the GP, the school.( Safeguarding), You've got social services.

First thing is to try meditate with the mum. Email her and talk only about seeing the child and spell out exactly what he would like, and his disagreement with the proposal of no contact. I would politely ask to discuss this and negotiate it. If no joy I would be taking it further legally personally.

He has PR so she can’t stop him doing the school pick ups. He needs a CAO now, I assume he is doing this if he is going to court. However I have to tell you there is nothing he can do about who DS sees during her contact time unless there is some kind of safeguarding issue. That is however a reciprocal thing. With the CAO they can define all sorts of details in like handover times and holidays.

You're clearly very invested in one side of this story, and I'm not convinced it's about the child and their safety.

Two more people using their dc as a weapon rather than acting like adults.
Some people should never be parents.

@RaginaPhalange you stay out of it, he wont be telling you the whole story and as you don't know what's really going you cant help.
As for.her relationship its none of his business. Was he always so controlling?

Hmmm. If things were working over childcare then why did he need to seek advice or did he mean if the adults didn’t get back to together he would seek advice?

Thanks everyone,

He absolutely knows he can't stop her from having another relationship, he's got his back up because she told him their ds wouldn't meet this bloke for a really good while and she would want friend and bloke to meet before his ds had any contact.

He wanted to seek advice in regards to mediation and have times set out of when whom would have the child when. It has now went sour and will be going to court.

I've seen all messages back and forth and she's very flakey one minute all is fine and she's wanting child to see dad, then the next it's no you're not seeing him. Also why he wanted to seek advice.

And I do agree the whole thing is tit for tat and I've told friend this.