Too casual for funeral?

[MeganM3]

I have a funeral to attend next week.
The person was reasonably young (well, middle aged) and quite a quirky dresser.

I feel that wearing traditional funeral attire is a bit.. old fashioned? Or too severe maybe. Not sure quite how to put it. What do people wear to funerals these days?

AIBU to keep it fairly casual or at least not a full black dress & coat. Don’t want to be disrespectful to the family. I am not family.

I have a 'funeral outfit' ' - just a high-necked black shift dress and jacket (or a full-length black coat, depending on the season) and black court shoes.

In my experience - and unfortunately, even though I'm only in my 40s, I've been to a lot of funerals - if the family want you to dress a certain way or wear a certain colour (often at the deceased's request), they'll make it known or it will be mentioned in the funeral notice.

Otherwise it's best to stick to convention, I find. Funerals can be sensitive occasions and it's not a great time to express your personality.

Assuming you are in the UK in the next few weeks it will be cold and wet so regardless of any dress codes, everyone attending will be wearing their winter coats. So a lot of black, navy and dark green puffers.

I don't think it has to be black but unless its been specified that its bright colours or similar then something sober like navy blue or dark grey is usual.

Last one I wore a green jersey Mountain Warehouse dress with black and red flowers on. Hardly anyone was in much black. And this was a man in his 70s from a very traditional family.

I’d dress for the family and the weather. Sorry for your loss. X

When my oldest friends (40+ years) husband died, I asked her what the dress code was.

Similarly, when my mother died, a cousin asked if we would be ok with trainers as they had problems walking.

I don't think either my friend of my immediate family felt it was outrageous to ask.

How casual? I have a funeral outfit it isn't particularly fancy, some black trousers and a grey blouse depending on weather i have a couple of black jackets to wear. I think as long as your clothes are darker and not to casual it is fine

Ive been to several funerals over the last five years and 90% of people have worn traditional formal black clothing. I did see one pink and cream leisure suit but the lady in question had Alzheimer's, so may not have been responsible for dressing herself.

I'd dress on a traditional fashion to be safe.

Being of ages where friends are popping off, dh and I have attended a few in the past couple of years and TBH hardly anyone wears black any more. IMO you can wear more or less what you’d like - smartish or fairly relaxed casual. For one (deceased was 75 ish) we were asked - her own wishes - to wear bright colours.

I think it depends on you, what you are comfortable wearing and the family.

I have a simple dark grey dress, mauve scarf and black swing coat that I wear to funerals. All ancient and kept for sombre occasions. Sadly we are that sort of age where elderly aunts are dying.

I think that if you’re not family, it’s better to play it safer. Who cares if you look a little old fashioned vs possibly offending or upsetting a grieving parent or something.

I don’t think you need a black coat though. If you don’t already own a black coat, that’s an expense. I’d go dark coat, and then black dress, or black trousers and muted blouse (cream, or a colour that isn’t bright), with a black blazer.

I have a funeral outfit - black trousers, black & dark green smart top, black shoes & either a black cardigan or coat depending on weather with a black & grey scarf.

Unless the family have specified a dress code you should dress smartly and sombrely in dark clothes, black, grey, navy etc.

I've been to several funerals in the past couple of years in various parts of the UK, and at all of them there was a lot of black, everybody was smart, all men in suits and tie, women with smart dress/ trousers and jacket/ coat, and that covered all ages from twenties to eighties. These were burials and cremations, some religious, most not.

If people are becoming less formal and not wearing black or dark colours, I haven't seen it.

Sorry for your loss OP. Another saying play it safe.

it doesn’t have to be all black, and you don’t need a hat or head covering (unless the service is being held in the sort of church where this would be expected). Dark coloured smart clothes. Work wear smart levels. Shoes or boots, not trainers (unless they are completely black and mainly hidden by trousers).

churches can be very very cold.