Taking photos at funerals

[CitrusWhite]

AIBU or is it completely inappropriate to take photos at funerals. I suspect people are doing it because they have dressed up for a social occasion, but going around getting pictures with people and sharing them on social media just seems chavvy and odd.

In fairness, I am referring to Wakes rather than the ceremonies and coffin. And I understand the rare family reunion element, I have never seen any in this manner though. Its definitely a younger generation thing, and I am part of that generation! My feeling is that its because they are dressed smart and they don't on their day to day life so want to show they can do "classy and smart"

Where is the ‘laugh’ emoji when you need it ? 😂😂😂

Taking photos at the ceremony and especially of the coffin is an absolute no-go.
But afterwards I don't see why it's a problem to take photos if, for example, various relatives rarely get together in one place. There are photos of my family standing in a group at my uncle's funeral. It's very rare that everyone gets together because we all live all over the place. It's nice to have those photos.
If it's photos of the "how hot/stylish/great do I look" variety to share on social media, then no, it's not appropriate.

I was really worried someone would do this at my dad's funeral

Luckily, no one did

I didn't get a chance to talk to everybody, but the 20 somethings were apparently too upset to talk. I'm a wee bit sceptical because it felt a bit strange them telling me, the bereaved daughter, that they were too upset to talk.... anyway, perhaps that relieved me of the problem of anyone trying to take photos.

I really hate the way things have turned out. I wanted the funeral to be completely private, but mum said that would be unacceptable.

Yes my aunts took lots of pics at their parents’ funerals (all the grandchildren together etc which only happens at weddings and funerals). Last photo with my grandpa is us all smiling around him while he’s at his wife’s funeral 🫣 felt weird at the time, feels weird now, but made some grieving people happy I spose!

(oh no it’s really not a young person thing in my experience! These are Facebook loving boomers).

Chavvy?

People can commemorate people how they want imo. Years ago people used to talk Polaroids beside gravesides or pictures of flowers , it wasn't a huge deal and certainly not.chavvy

I attended a funeral where the deceased gentleman’s DIL got her phone out and started taking photos as her DH and other family members carried the coffin into the church. Another family member gave her a withering look and she put it away, it was very offensive to everyone there and it was made clear to her at the wake that on no account were photos like that to be shared publicly.

If the immediate family have no objection, I think getting some photos at the wake of family members who seldom get together is acceptable, as long as they are kept private.

My brother videoed mums funeral service.

One friend had someone at the back (which really matters) taking photos during the funeral ceremony because her father's memory was going, and showing him the photos periodically afterwards helped him to understand what had happened to his wife. But I don't think you could see anyone's face (except the celebrant). That feels very different to some of the photos described here (which would be more appropriate to a wedding/party)

People took photos at my dad's graveside and at first I thought it was a bit odd but then I decided it was a nice thing to do and took a couple myself

My cousins son died a few years ago, he was mid 20s his friends were distraught they put photos and some music their friend loved, attached to the photo and videos, on SM I honestly think it was how they coped /got through the day, it probably wasn't to everyone's taste but it was how they mourned,

My neighbor got it videoed but that’s because her husband ( whose funeral it was) daughter lived in Australia and it wasn’t practical for them to fly over . This was a few years ago before zoom funerals became a reality . At my mum’s funeral it would never have entered my head to video or photograph it but my sisters partner ( now thank god ex partner, ) took photos . I wasn’t even aware of him doing it . I’d just got home from the funeral emotionally rung out when suddenly these photos arrived on my phone. He said he thought I’d like it as a reminder 😣like you’re going to forget your mother’s funeral.

This is not something to be absolutist about. Every funeral is different, special and a one-time thing that family and friends may choose to record in still or moving images.

We hired a photographer to document our young child’s funeral, and I’m forever grateful we had the thought.

Including us walking behind the hearse, the bearers with the very small coffin, and the grave, and the children and adults throwing petals in. And the party tea afterwards with a craft corner and story teller for the many children.

The picture of a very pregnant me and my husband with heads bowed together at the graveside is an absolute treasure.

Judge me all you want for choosing to document one of the most significant events in our family’s life experience.

Is there some context? Photos of the service would be a bit odd.

Photos at the wake, not so much. Lots of people only ever cross paths at wakes and they aren't all sombre affairs.

The funeral director filmed my wife's funeral, at my request. It took place during COVID restrictions so filming it made it available for people to see who hadn't been able to attend in person

That completely depends on the context doesn't it?
Posing with the coffin and taking pictures of people weeping is obviously demented.
Taking pictures with family you haven't seen for a long time at the wake can be nice.
The last funeral I went to I took a few pictures. I'd just had a baby and some more far flung relatives hadn't met her yet. They asked for photos.
I also got some lovely group shots of the whole family. It was a close relative of mine who had died and I know 100% she would have liked it. All the family there talking about what an icon she had been.
Let's not police people's grief.
I'd be very happy if people were celebrating the family by taking photos at my funeral.

A friend took photos at our son's funeral. I was surprised but very grateful he had done it. I actually had no idea who was there and to have a record helped.

Yeah, I wish I had photos of my brother’s funeral. The whole thing was a blur - I can’t remember who was there, other than my immediate family. Same with the flowers - no idea who sent them. I’d like to be able to revisit parts of the day as it doesn’t feel like I was actually ‘there’.

I have a relative who takes photos of bodies in coffins when it’s an open coffin. So incredibly inappropriate.

So when the classy Queen dies and it’s broadcast to the whole world ….
It’s a difficult one really - for us ordinary folk I would like to think that immediate family are entitled to do so if they wish - we go to great lengths and expense to make the coffin pretty with floral arrangements for our loved ones last journey, so I can maybe understand that-but to keep privately of course.

I was surprised when my husband travelled home to New Zealand for his Grandma's funeral and his family had videoed the grandchildren carrying their Grandma's coffin into the crematorium. The atmosphere of that funeral was more "celebration of life". It didn't feel respectful to me but was fine for them. Different perspectives I suppose.

I cared for an elderly uncle who died at 90 . Last of generation. My cousins came from all over including the US. At the wake afterwards I was coming out of the toilet when I was told to hurry up to take a group photo . I was so unhappy about it but didn't want to cause an argument. The fuckers even told me to smile . I guess their relationship was a more distant one from mine but I thought it was terrible.