Did I do the wrong thing?

[BeWittyTurtle]

Please can I ask for very gentle feedback as I’m really distraught.

my fiance of 2.5 years broke up with me and was saying he very definitely wanted to end it. I messaged his sister in law and mum to say thank you for being so kind to my children and me and that I was very sorry to say goodbye. Last night my fiance agreed to give us one last chance out of the blue.
But he’s since found out about the messages and ended it with me.

was it really bad? I don’t know why. I offered to call or message his mum to talk as she’s lovely and would understand. He is now just ignoring me. It’s not like we were together for a few weeks, we were planning to marry. The rollercoaster I’ve been on over the past week or so has meant I’ve stopped eating, experiencing panic attacks.

You were perfectly reasonable.

You need to stay firm with him though. Don't let him back in. It's over. Move on.

Why did he break up with you?

You didn't do anything wrong.

A normal person would have understood why you sent a nice message showing appreciation for being welcomed into the family.

He's not a normal person, I suspect this isn't the first time he's taken umbrage at something totally innocent and punished you for it.

He sounds manipulative - I’d thank him for showing you who he is before you married him

He wants to control the narrative - don’t have him back.

There’s nothing wrong with messaging his relatives. Maybe he hadn’t told them yet, and they had a go at him?
You need to let him go now. He’s not worth your tears. He shouldn’t be angry with you over that. He’s got a cheek playing with your emotions like that.

He's annoyed you sent nice messages to his family? That’s not someone who wants to get back with you. He might be messing with you and already knew you reached out to them and is doing this to try make it your fault. Either way he sounds unstable and unreliable. I’d walk away regardless of what he does or doesn’t do next.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet. Move on and thank your lucky stars.

If he’s prepared to break up again over nothing then he’d have done it again soon enough, without those messages (which, BTW sounded very nice and not remotely unreasonable).

It seems it’s over. I’m so sorry 💐

Any man worth being in a relationship would understand why you did that.

He is not a good man.

I am sure this is not the only example of him being a twat.

He's annoyed because he either hadn't told them or he hadn't been honest about how he broke up with you and wants to control the narrative. You were perfectly within your rights to send the messages you did, he is totally out of line. But frankly would you want to be with someone who behaves like that - also this whole 'last chance' things sounds deeply manipulative, and almost like he would be waiting for you to put a foot wrong to call it off all over again. I'm sorry you are hurting but you don't need someone like this in your and your child's life. It might feel like the end of the world at the moment, but in time you'll come to see that you had a lucky escape from someone with control issues. Good luck.

How quickly did you message his family after you’d broken up? Did he have a chance to tell them himself? I think it’s weird if it was very soon after which comes across as attention seeking.

He split up with you for acting independently in a decent way.

Be glad he's gone. Don't ever take him back.

Honestly, if I got a message like that from my brother's girlfriend I'd think it was weird. I'd assume she was attention seeking or looking for drama.

Presumably your brother hasn't been engaged to her for 2.5 years - in this scenario the OP is practically family and there is a relationship with her child too.

You didn't do anything wrong but it sounds like he knows he's got a hold on you and being quite manipulative. Let him go.

It could seem like a bit manipulative or perhaps even trying to cause drama. Like it was his job to tell them, and not yours?

A lot depends I think on how soon after the break-up you contacted them?

Regardless, the fact that he broke up, changed his mind, and has now changed it again isn't a good foundation for a healthy relationship and probably isn't something you want your children around. It sucks but he probably did you a favour!

This

Sounds like you have dodged a bullet

They've been together for 7 years and I'd still find it weird. There's nothing wrong with op staying in contact with her ex's family, but sending them a farewell message is a bit dramatic

I’d steer clear of him.

I think that's the wrong way round - it would be weird to stay in contact with her ex's family, not to mention bloody awkward. Whereas a nice: "Well we've broken up but thanks for your kindness to me over the years. Take care." is measured and not remotely dramatic.

sending them a farewell message is a bit dramatic
I think it depends on the message. If it was multiple paragraphs of melodrama then it would be that, but for some people they might like a little message thanking them as it could break the ice on the issue and they'd be more comfortable writing back to OP if they wanted to.