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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to need some persuasian to get a part time job?

22 replies

ALMummy · 08/06/2008 16:27

Just that really.

My youngest is almost two and the hours her dad has started working would now allow me to get a part time job I don t really want to tbh (who does?), not because I don t like working but just because I want to be with dd all the time as I was with ds. I know though that I am being a bit precious probably and there are people who would love to be in a position to work while being able to leave their child with the other parent.

So anyone who feels like giving me a list of the pros of getting a job please post because I don t want to and I need to be persuaded of why it is a "good thing". Feel free to add any cons as well.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 08/06/2008 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

detoxdiva · 08/06/2008 16:31

Yo'll be able to drink a cup of tea while it's still hot

and go to the toilet without a small person watching

and go out of the house without a packet of wet wipes in your bag

Kewcumber · 08/06/2008 16:31

It is a good thing for you be be earning your own money.
It is a good example to set your DC's that both men and women can be financially responsible
It will be good for your family that they see more of your DH

On the other hand if you don;t want to - why are you doing it? Why not wait until DD goes to school? If you don;t need the money.

Love2bake · 08/06/2008 16:32

Do you need the money? If no, then I wouldn't bother.

OverMyDeadBody · 08/06/2008 16:32

It's only a good thing if you:

need the money

want to work

If not, then don't. Your life, your choice.

NotABanana · 08/06/2008 16:32

I think you are a grown up and if you need persuading to do something them it probably is best you don't. Stay at home with your DD.

It is assumed at times I will get a job when all my children are at school but I have no plans too.

Love2bake · 08/06/2008 16:33

Littlepin you read my mind - x post

Elmosgirl · 08/06/2008 16:34

It's only a 'good thing' if you either need the money or you want to go out and work. Just because some people enjoy going out to work doesn't mean that you should want to as well.

I am on maternity leave at moment but when that ends I will have to work part-time to get make up that money. However I want and enjoy to be at home with my babies so will be doing evening/night work so I can still be at home with them full-time during the day.

ruddynorah · 08/06/2008 16:43

you don't sound like you want persuading BUT, things to consider..

earning your own money.
doing something for yourself.
meeting new people.
getting your foot back into work sooner rather than later, assuming you plan to go back some time in the future anyway, easier sooner.
perks of work, ie staff discount/pension/mortgage subsidy/whatever. (lots of mums who work for me at m&s do it for the friendship with colleagues, the staff discount and access to the staff shop as well as the pension and extra income, even if they don't really need to work.)

Original poster
ALMummy · 08/06/2008 16:50

We do actually need the money, although we have been managing. Dd will be going to nursery in a year anyway so I was hoping to string it out until then.

I don t really want to work at all, not because I am lazy, but because I would prefer to be with my children. Money is the only reason.

ruddynorah - your post makes me feel a little more positive about returned to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ALMummy · 08/06/2008 16:50

returning not returned.

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 08/06/2008 16:55

i don't NEED to work either. we could easily cut back, have one car, less spends on food etc.. but i like the whole thing of doing something for myself, not having to think about what i or we spend, having my own pension (so many women come to work with us aged late 50s when their husbands have left them for younger women or whatever, they then find themselves pretty destitute if they never worked much, no real income, can't keep up the life they were accustomed to etc), keeping my foot in at work for when children are older and i'd go back full time. i work evenings anyway, no need for childcare, although dd does go to nursery 2 afternoons.

littlelapin · 08/06/2008 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/06/2008 17:33

I agree with Littlelapin, its nice for dads to spend some quality time alone with their child/children. Too many women moan that their DH's dont do childcare but in reality many dont give them the chance.

I love the work side for a gossip, sharing shopping tips, latest films and just general "girly" chat that you dont get at home. I also get to have coffee and lunch in peace lol.

I also wouldnt like to be financially dependent on DH so have always worked, albeit part time 3 days a week since having DS. It means I can shop and spend without feeling guilty that its not my money.

If you plan to return in the future anyway, you stand a better chance if the break is shorter on your CV.

findtheriver · 08/06/2008 18:40

As littlelapin says. You admit to feeling fairly possessive towards your dd, and wanting to have all her time spent with you, rather than 'allowing'(?!!) your partner to spend time building his relationship with his dd.
That in itself should tell you that you need to not be selfish in the relationship. Whether you work or not, you need to enable your partner time too. The benefits of working though, are that it provides adult interaction, and also some financial independence.

colander · 08/06/2008 19:33

If you don't want to, or need to, then don't. It won't be long before your dd is at nursery and then school anyway, and you won't have the chance to spend the extra time with her then. Enjoy her being 2 while you can.

Speaking as a very happy SAHM btw!!

Original poster
ALMummy · 08/06/2008 22:12

findtheriver - "You admit to feeling fairly possessive towards your dd, and wanting to have all her time spent with you, rather than 'allowing'(?!!) your partner to spend time building his relationship with his dd.
That in itself should tell you that you need to not be selfish in the relationship. Whether you work or not, you need to enable your partner time too."

Where on earth did you get all that from? Littlelapin didnt say that at all. This is what she said "Plus it will be nice for DH to have some one on one time with DD, won't it? You could think of it like that - that by staying at home, you are depriving him of spending time with his daughter on his own".

I was with my ds full time till he went to nursery and I wanted to do the same with dd. However circumstances have changed and I am in a position to get a part time job now. I don t particularly want to because I enjoy being with my dd. Where did all the stuff about "allowing" or being "possessive" with regards to my dd having a relationship with dh come from?

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 08/06/2008 22:19

Positives: mental stimulation, chats, reading the papers and discussing them, learning new things, meeting people, getting a glimpse into others' lives, money, good excuse to dress well and put on some makeup, time for a book if you're commuting.

findtheriver · 08/06/2008 22:30

Sorry, maybe I mis read the OP, but it seemed you were saying that your DP can look after your DD, but you don't want to let him do that because you want to be the one to look after her solely. My response was that whether you use the time for working or not, it would be nice to let your DP have time alone to spend with his child too. Actually more than nice, important for him to develop his relationship with her too. The dynamic between a parent and child is going to be different in time spent alone,so it's just as important as time as a family.
If you need the money, then obviously it would make sense to use that time to work - as well as for all the social benefits of work.
If you don't need the money, then use the time for other things - but let your DP have that precious time - she is his child too.

MegBusset · 08/06/2008 22:49

I have recently gone back to work (very) part-time and DH is looking after DS on the 4 or so days a month I work. It's not benefitting us greatly financially once I've paid for travel etc but it suits us very well and is good for all three of us:

It's good for me because I get a change of scene for a few days a month, bring a bit of money in, have been able to start paying NI again thus protecting my pension, get to see my old friends and go out to lunch, etc.

It's good for DH because he gets an appreciation of what I do most of the time, and because he loves spending time with DS, and it gives him more confidence in his parenting.

It's good for DS because it strengthens his bond with DH and allows him to see that I am not the only person who can look after him.

No cons so far

Original poster
ALMummy · 08/06/2008 22:54

findtheriver - this had nothing whatsoever to do with "letting" my dh look after his dd. I like looking after her myself on a day to day basis but I am only to glad to hand her over so I can get out to the cinema or for a run or swimming etc.

He is available to look after her having changed hours at work so it would be a good time to get a part time job, I just like being with her. Nothing to do with having a problem with leaving her with HIM or letting him have his turn etc.

The arguments for are persuasive I must admit. Think I probably will be on here soon moaning because I cant find anything .

OP posts:
findtheriver · 08/06/2008 23:07

Oh right. I still think that having changed his work hours, it would be nice for him to have an opportunity with dd that he didnt get with ds wouldnt it?
I can't see any cons, as MegBusset says in her situation. If you find some work, everyones a winner!

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