To be paranoid my husband has old sperm?

[Grenko]

Dh and I have a bit of an age gap. I am 30 and he is 44. Just about to turn 45.

He has no children. Husband and his ex tried to conceive via ivf but it was not possible due to a condition his ex wife has.

We have been together for 3 years. Married for 1. We agreed we would start trying in early 2026.

We went to a fertility clinic a few months ago and things were very positive. But obviously we did touch upon DH’s age and sperm quality.

Ever since I really have just been a little anxious. The chances of a child havings things like autism and schizophrenia are far greater. Which makes me nervous.

I know even young sperm does not guarantee a healthy baby. But all of a sudden I’m really starting to get stressed about this

Well OP’s husband is making new sperm all the time whereas OP’s ova are decades old having been in place since she was in her mother’s womb.

I mean none of us can predict the future for you… what do you want from this thread? Nobody’s experience will be relevant to you.

Ah .... that is a bit off.

@Dontlletmedownbruce there is quite a bit of research that does show higher chance of children with autism if parents (doesn’t just relate to age of dad either) are older.

Would you like to explain what you mean by a nice demonstration of autism?
Your post is far worse than the one you're quoting.

100%, and he's not getting younger. Start taking your folic acid and start ttc now. Why wait. It could take a year +

Bernie Eccleston definitely didn't.

Yes the tables are skewed in favour of men as far a fertility is concerned. I'd say you are probably well-matched op.

If he were the same age as you, your age would carry the higher risks. As it is, I should think you are about equal - though of course there is so much that has to do with individual genetics these figures are a bit short on predictive power.

I have seen the suggestion of a link between autism and older parents has been alternatively linked to the correlation between higher intelligence in families and a higher risk of autism - and more intelligent people often pursue career paths that mean they reproduce later in life. So it might be that it looks like age, but in fact it's more to do with IQ.

Your post is far worse than the one you're quoting.

Nail on head.

Are you or your husband autistic or schizophrenic because genetics are your biggest risk factor?

Your eggs won’t be that great in terms of age either now. Once you reach 35 (and presumably you are 31 next year, so it’s realistic if you want more than one child) you will be considered medically geriatric for antenatal purposes. Men’s fertility lasts a lot longer than a woman’s.

Hes 44 not 84!! men have been known to become fathers in their 80s......
(Although im not convinced there hasn't been a little "help") 🤣🤣

All 4 of us were born to a father in his 40s. Mum12 years younger. No problems.

My advice is learn how to manage the anxiety rather than worrying about his old sperm (45 not really old). I'm not just being flippant either. When you are pregnant, give birth, bring up children there is a whole lot of unpredictability and worrying to do so it would be better if you learned some techniques to manage situations where you can't control the outcome, which basically describes most aspects of child rearing.

You do know that your child may be born with autism regardless, right…? There are no guarantees. If having a perfect baby is a deal breaker for you, you may need to reconsider parenthood altogether…

I conceived at 33 husband was 43, perfect baby. Honestly I think it’s often worse outcomes with older mothers, rather than fathers. Look at all these ancient male celebrities with their younger model wives, sometimes having children into their 70’s & 80’s!

You do know sperm is produced by the male body daily, right?

@justalittlebitofrain Let's not go round calling people we disagree with autistic, ey?

It's a lifelong developmental condition, not something to use as a one liner insult for people on mumsnet. That is also very rude.

DP was 41 when DS1 was conceived. DS1 has autism. Pretty sure DP has autism though. And possibly me as well. So, genetics I’d say, rather than age.

DP was 45 when DS2 was conceived. No autism diagnosis so far, but certainly a few traits, becoming more noticeable now he has entered his teens. Again, if he does end up with a diagnosis (there has been talk of this), I’m still going with genetics rather than age.

Sperm quality decreases with age, it does not matter when it is produced and after 35 has more DNA abnormalities. Quite scary how so many people don’t know this.

And actually some of the world's most valuable contributions have been made by autistic people so I'm not even sure that doesn't qualify as a "perfect baby."

Too much science feeding anxiety, OP. I had my DD at 42, DH was 50. Pregnancy trouble free, DD fine. I know lots of parents of a similar age.

44 for a man is nothing. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Tbh @Grenko this would worry me a bit in your shoes. But what can you do 🤷‍♀️

There is an increased risk sure. But that’s a gamble you took setting down with an older man.

Anecdotally yes most of the children I know with autism and other disabilities or disorders have either older fathers or older mothers but that’s just a handful of people I happen to know from the school one. One mum and dad were both 30 32 and 33 and every single one of their children has something so clearly a mixture of genetics that didn’t blend well.

My vile father in law had children constantly with different women until he was 72. I wouldn’t worry about it