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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel my mum is not supporting me in the right way through my divorce

3 replies

Feelingletdown9753 · 19/11/2025 14:46

My mum and I have always been extremely close. But now I think back everything is only OK if everything is going smoothly. She has always been a worrier, so I am I , and she is getting worse with age, gets anxious etc.
I've confided in her over these past couple of years because I was very unhappy in my marriage. I dont have anyone else to talk to and I thought she would understand as has had 2 marriages herself.
She was supportive them and let me rant and moan. But now I have decided to separate from my husband it is a different story.
Firstly she told me not to , and that it is too much upheaval. I explained to her that my mental health is very bad because im so unhappy in the marriage, she tells me hers is bad thinking about the separation.
She will say things like " what are WE going to do?" or " oh its so stressful for us all" or "i cant sleep at night worrying about it all " and best one, " you can see why people stay in unhappy marriages because its just easier".
She has made a lot of hints that I should just put up with things. And the only reason for this is because of the worry it is causing her.
I get that she is worried, im her only child , but why does she want me to stay in a bad situation?
I dont need anything from her financially or practically. I Will sort everything myself. She is just emotional support.
Im feeling very angry towards her and have stopped telling her things. Surely you want your child to be happy?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 19/11/2025 17:20

She grew up and was an adult in a very different world to now. Women couldn't achieve half as much without a husband. Maybe that is contributing to her mindset?

You cant use her as an emotional crux, unless you start to understand how her view and perspective and abilities are shaped by her circumstance.

Maybe you becoming more confident in "i can do this" will be the "support" she needs to get you both through?

Swiftie1878 · 19/11/2025 17:47

She is clearly an inappropriate person to expect to be your emotional support on this.
Just tell her you’ve got everything sorted and all will be fine, then talk to a good friend instead, or a counsellor in the absence of a good friend.

jeaux90 · 19/11/2025 17:53

She is being a grief thief. You are having a hard enough time pulling the trigger on this to make your life better. My mother used to do this to me too. You have a choice you tell her to stop or you just tell her nothing and everything is fine and get support from a friend.

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