How to deal with unkind behaviour in Reception class

[Dinoswearunderpants]

My DS started Reception this year and I genuinely thought he would settle in fine.

He's had nothing but issues. Accidents, rock up his nose (which he's never done anything like this before), bitten by another child and constant issues with one particular child.

At first I've told him to avoid this child, if he doesn't want to play to walk away and play with something else however it's constant.

I finally spoke to the school before half term and they said they'll keep an eye on them in the playground and try to keep them separate.

This week my son has started saying he doesn't want to wear his winter coat (was wearing a rain jacket before), turns out the reason why is because this kid keeps pulling the hood off.

I'm trying to teach him to be resilient and walk away but it's hard when your child is upset.

I'm wondering the best way to manage this? I was going to suggest inviting the kid and Mum over for a play date and see whether one on one they would get along.

I'm waiting for the school to get back to me. I don't want to cause issues but equally I don't want my child being upset.

Any practical advice welcomed.

I'm not clear from what you've written that you've told the child to tell a teacher when the incidents are happening. So yes, the first thing your son needs to do is say "stop it, I don't like it" or "I don't want to play with you now," and then if the behaviour continues he goes to a teacher. I'd also ask if there is a particular staff member he can always find at free play time so he knows a named person he can go to.

Reception is a huge transition. Even some very confident children take a while to settle. You're absolutely right to make sure the other boy doesn't continue bothering your son, but I also wouldn't place every change in your child at his door.

excellent advice
and having proof of complaining about a pattern of behaviour, of repeating telling the school about a long-standing bullying campaign is a very good argument to prove self-defence when a child finally stands up for themselves.

It's the school/teacher's job to deal with unkind behaviour at school, you need to report each and every instance and tell DC to do the same. Don't try and solve it yourself.

I really wouldn't have the kid and Mum over for a playdate while this is ongoing, in case you get tempted to raise it directly with her. Any communicaion needs to go through the school and not with the other parents.

As pp have said, if the teacher doesn't seem to be handing it, next step is the Head.

You need to teach him to roar.
Hand out in a stop sign, hard stare- NO! STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON’T TOUCH ME!

We unintentionally constrain our DC when we teach them ONLY to be kind, calm, don’t shout etc.
There are situations we need to scream and shout and shouldn’t be inhibited from doing so.
Practice at home. Lots.

Thank you, very sound advice. It must be so confusing for the little ones as we teach them to mot shout yet in situations like this, he does need to shout and be firm.

I agree. I let my daughter be hit, pushed etc for too long. I raised politely with teacher at pick ups, told my daughter to tell the teacher. No change. 1 day she shouted stop and gave the bully a rather gentle punch in the face, no actual harm done. That was the end of that and she had no more issues with that child. I would never advocate violence and we are a very gentle polite family, I think everyone was shocked when she did it. But since then I have told my girls they give 2 chances if someone is aggressive towards them. Chance 1 - tell the child loudly to stop. Chance 2 - tell them to stop and tell a teacher. On 3rd time of same behaviour, push child away from them. If child comes for them again - hit them back, and we will deal with the consequences together. Kindly brought up children are often so concerned about getting in trouble that they won't shout or push back. We need to teach them that they can do this but only if feel threatened 'never start it, always finish it'.

All concerns raised in written form - either email or school app and take screenshot.

Play date ???????????????
Really
Reward a bully with a play date?
I will get slammed for this but never mid
Our lad had a problem with a bully at school
Hubby said next time it happens be calm
Step back and which him as hard as possible on the nose
2 days later phone call from school
hubby goes and says the bullying is unacceptable
Kid did not bully anyone else gain
Many people will say this is awful but I think kids need to understand that not everyone is a nice person and sometimes you stand up for yourself

The best advice I can honestly give is to sign him up for some form of martial arts. Boys are very physical with each other and if he shows any sign of weakness (like not wanting his coat messed with) they will zero in on it.
If he can stick with a martial arts class he will gain confidence being part of the normal boys push and shove.
This is unlikely to be the only incident he comes across at school and the above is the only long term answer.