To give my mum a specific list of gifts for Christmas?

[JingleAroundTheClock]

My mum has a habit of going quite rogue for Christmas gifts.

One thing that sticks out to me is when I was about 16, we were out shopping for my niece who was 4 or 5 at the time. We were in smiggle and I pointed out a few things that I said “I would have loved these at her age”.

She picked up them all, and then later went back and bought another set of fluffy notebooks and that sort of thing for me. I was 16!

This year there’s quite a few things I need - a decent set of thermals, a nice warm waterproof coat and some other bits like that. The brand I’ve got my eye on for the coat (Uniqlo) has it 50% off at the moment so I suggested I order it, have it delivered to her place and she pay me back. Not the most surprising of gifts, but she knows it’s what I want.

She’s responded absolutely aghast and sent me a screenshot of the coat she was planning to get me. A faux fur coat. I just don’t particularly understand how she can hear me say I want a nice, practical, warm coat, and pick this? AIBU to give her a very detailed list, to prevent things like this happening?

I don’t think she will listen if she wants to buy you rubbish off Vinted.

It doesn’t sound like a detailed list will make a blind bit of difference tbh.

You either need to explicitly tell her ‘I will not wear that, why not buy me something I will use’ (would she engage with this?).

Or just go with it, and have some funny stories about. And donate the items to the charity shop.

I think she just enjoys giving quirky gifts. For my older siblings they’re usually really good - she’ll give “movie night at home” baskets, that sort of thing. But when it comes to me it’s just utter tat.

You might not be able to get her to buy the coat you actually want but say loud and clear "I don't like that coat you showed me and I will NEVER WEAR IT. Please don't waste your money. I DO NOT want that coat".

Even with a specific list my my goes rogue. I said one year I wanted an actifry and they are expensive so even money towards it would be good. She likes quantity you get loads of cheap tat. She bought me a fryer thing (the was kind of pre air fryer) by the cheap brand Tower. It was totally not what I wanted and didn’t do the things I wanted. She asked a few months later if I liked I and I had to tell her it wasn’t what I wanted and her money was wasted . It’s like she hears part of it like your mum heard ‘warm coat’ and goes on a tangent. She has dementia now presents aren’t an issue and she says she has money in a card for me. Which is fine as it’s not a dove gift set (I kept telling her the smell made me feel sick).

every year she’d issue a list of ‘Don’t get me….‘ I tried that and got told it was too late and I was rude.

It's worth a try but it does sound like she'll ignore it.

We've always done wish lists in our family, it works well for us. No-one is compelled to buy off it but it does mean you stand a good chance of getting something you actually want.