AIBU about this situation at daughters school.

[Christmasisuponus25]

Hi
I am genuinely asking because I know as parents we can be protective and so sometimes can over react to certain situations that an outsider can see differently.

DD is a specialist secondary school. Each week the children have a session 1-1 with a person in which they do things like art whilst discussing anything that could be troubling them at school/ any difficulties they have. DD struggles with social communication and it’s very rare for her to speak about things to school. She is not happy in her current form and all her friends are in the other form. She discussed this in her 1-1 and was actively encouraged to write a letter to ask and they would be passed on. She nervously agreed and told me when she got home. The school have been overall great a few minor issues with DD but they seem to be accepting so far and no real issues. During speaking about something else I mentioned that I knew DD had written this letter and that it was okay if the answer was no but I feel it’s a good if it wasn’t just ignored and even if a NO could they aknowledge the letter and tell her in a nice way the reasons it’s not possible as this is a good chance for her to learn that it’s ok to speak up to then if she is struggling.
this was last week. Today DD was upset because her friend had come out of their 1-1 session with same teacher and has asked the teacher during their session if DD was moving to their form. No one has addressed the letter with DD. The member of staff disclosed to the other student the answer that was given and why who then passed it on to DD before anyone has discussed it with her or had even mentioned the letter to her. She has been left feeling a bit confused and upset she has not been told only by the other student.
is this acceptable ?

I don't know about "acceptable" but it seems a very long winded and convoluted way about dealing with what is, after all, nothing more than a simple transfer from one form to another.

The art therapist should not be discussing DDs circumstances with another child. It’s one thing for the child to say they wished DD was in their form, however it’s unacceptable for the therapist to share any information about your DD.

Personally I’d go advocate on your child’s behalf and request a move.

Completely unacceptable for your DD to hear this from another pupil, rather than from the teacher.
I would be contacting the school too.

Is the message that she is moving? So good news? If so, it wasn't managed great but not worth complaining about.

If the answer is that she is not moving, then this is uncalled for and should be raised.

The 1:1 teacher shouldn’t have explained why your dd wanted to move form to another pupil but I’m assuming she thought your dd had been told the answer which is why she told the other pupil if it was a yes/no. If it is a yes, I would leave it- your dd’s letter has been read and her request granted. If it’s a no, then I would enquire as to why she heard via a friend.

Your DD has 1-1 sessions to talk about things that are troubling her and then the content of a session was shared with another child? Id be looking very closely at what these sessions are meant to be, the qualifications of the adult doing them, and how the confidentiality works.

Did they definitely share the outcome or did they try to help the other student understand why it may not be possible? Eg student says, I want Dd to come into my class and the 1:1 says that the class is full?

Speak to the school again.

The answer was - no. Which is why she is upset she found out by friend.

That is absolutely not OK. Even if the therapist is a student, they are required to observe strict confidentiality. Eg, not using names or speaking about other clients that both know. I wonder what else gets shared from your daughter to other children that you haven't heard about?

I find it helpful to ask questions rather than to outright complain - so don’t go in all guns blazing, just ask the question, “DD says her friend X was told about her request to move forms? We had thought those sessions were confidential so we’re just checking in, perhaps you can clarify?”

The teacher/therapist shouldn't be discussing anything that your daughter has discussed with a student. The sessions should be confidential. It may be that the student asked and the therapist confirmed, because the therapist assumed your daughter had been spoken to regarding the request. Clearly someone was supposed to speak to your daughter, but hasn't. Regardless, the therapist shouldn't be discussing your daughter with another student. You need to have a chat with the school to find out what's happened.

It doesn't sound like this was handled well at all. But as another poster said, initially approach with clarifying questions to get schools version of what hapenned and why.

Ok thank you ! Just sometimes I know I am unreasonable - so wanted to double check I wasn’t justl being an over sensitive mum.

If the answer was no, then that’s really not on. The 1:1 shouldn’t be discussing anything with your daughter’s friend anyway, but your daughter really shouldn’t have heard the refusal via her friend. Especially as she tried hard with her letter to explain her reasons.