Siblings and grandparents childcare

[User45898483]

My sibling is taking the pee with school holiday childcare. Mum has said it has crept in & by defualt they are now doing two days a week minimum every holiday week. She wants to stop it as theyre elderly & driving & primary age (reception & y2) children are exhausting but I dont know if shes said to my sibling. Would I be unreasonable to bring it up or should I stay out? Sibling has money to spend on childcare & regularly books time off with her partner when the kids are at school.

YABU but for the sake of yours and your sister's relationship, I think it needs to be your parents who say something, not you.

Not your circus so keep out of it.

However, I would be telling my Mother I'm not prepared to listen to her moaning about it unless she grows a pair and puts an end to it.

This. Your mum is probably singing a totally different tune to your sister and will quite possibly claim she never said any such thing/ that's not what she meant if you try to be her knight in shining armour and defend her against your sister.

It took me years to realise that my mother reinterpreted and retold things to each of her adult children to suit what she thought her listener would engage with... I don't think it was conscious, but she'd be telling me a sibling took advantage and she was exhausted by it and actually telling that sibling she loved being able to help and wished I lived nearer because she was missing out on the same relationship with my children - and then taking sibling 1's children 'round to sibling 3's house so sibling 3 actually did most of the looking after and was told different stories... I think all her contradictory versions were true in their own way at the moment of telling but she'd have hated to know we'd finally compared notes...

No as it creates a drama triangle - you parents need to tell your sibling not you

they just need to say what they said to you

we had this in my
family with my stepmom - she used to moan to us how tiring it was and out of order but seeing her looking after the kids the sibling parents would have no idea it was too much - she’d be baking them cakes and cuting their hedge into the bargain so how would they have realised it was all too much

I’m just saying check your parents aren’t those that like to be needed

Absolutely don't get involved. If mum moans to you, tell her that she needs to speak to your sister about it. It's between them and if you don't want a big family fall-out stay out of it!

Yes this! Definitely stay out of it.
It is likely to backfire on you with sister being upset and saying you are jealous of mum looking aftee her kids and mum getting upset saying how much she loves looking after the grandchildren.
You will end up being in the wrong. If it is a real problem she needs to tell your sister herself.

If you generally get on well with your sibling, then I think I would just mention it by saying Mum mentioned the other day how tiring she finds having the kids now that she's getting on in years, has she said anything to you? If not, I wonder whether perhaps it's worth you having a chat with her, to see if she still feels she can cope, or if she was just having a bad day when she spoke to me. That way you've made your sibling aware, and then if your Mum chooses to deny it when they speak to her, and they bring it up again, you can just say, 'Oh well, as I said at the time, she must have just had a bad day when she mentioned it to me then'.

On the other hand if you don't have the best relationship, I'd keep out of it, as bringing up something like that if there's ever any sort of friction between you, is only likely to make your sibling go on the defensive.