To want to spend Christmas without DMIL, DFIL and DSIL

[Jasminjj]

I have been with DH for 4 years now and every Christmas Day has been spent with DMIL, DFIL and DSIL.

We now have a DC who is 2 and I would love to spend the day just with us at home (and our Dpuppy!)

He says Christmas is about family and thinks it would be strange not to see them on the day.

My parents spend every winter abroad so I’ve no other family close by.

This is where you need to put in a boundary.

When DH and I got together, I said that every other year we would be spending Xmas Day at home.

This year say you want Christmas day to yourselves to just relax & you can see them Boxing Day. Shame to drag toddler away from their presents Christmas morning.

Christmas is about family - does your DH not realise you and his child are his immediate family? See the others on Boxing Day!

Compromise. Say you will host them or go to them every other year. Or invite them over for lunch/dinner only. Or you will meet up with them somewhere for a meal on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve. It's his Christmas too so you can't lay down the law unilaterally, you'll have to come to some sort of agreement between you.

If you have a puppy you won't be able to leave it alone for hours this Christmas. So you won't be able to travel to them if they were inviting you, which it doesn't sound like they have. Are they expecting you to host them every time? You wouldn't be unreasonable to knock this notion on the head, that would be unfair.

I share his feelings where I prefer to spend the day with extended family so it does sound a bit sad to me, but it's not all about what one person wants so there definitely needs to be a compromise. Alternate years, or a short visit to them (and then you need to get home to the pup)

You and DC are his family.

Person I refuse to get into any Christmas rotas of every other year you do this or that but if you must, then say one with his family, one with yours and one alone.

My default now with DC is Christmas at home in our home with just us as it’s what is most enjoyable. Next year we will likely go on holiday though (circumstances this year have prevented planning ahead).

If nothing else can he not see that it’s possibly not your favourite thing to have Christmas with his family every year?

my side of the family have a big gathering every other year and same for my DH but sometimes we see my side, sometimes his side and some years just us and the kids.
nobody is bothered what we choose and me and and DH both know we want to spend it with each of our families sometimes and it’s flexible. This year will be just us but next year we will join my side of the family one because there will be lots of new babies being born next year 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

I think the fact your family is abroad doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take things in turns with your DH - so you take it in turns to choose what you do, whatever that might be.

You might want to go abroad to your family (or somewhere else) one year, for example.

I'm with you OP. We have spent Christmas day with just the 4 of us for the last 25 years. We like spending the day how we want. Get up late, get dressed, eat when we want. And more importantly, go to bed when we feel like it! I see my parents on Boxing day.

Every other year. Isn’t that the standard compromise?

Definitely speak to him properly and explain how you feel.

I love seeing my parents on Christmas Day and couldn’t imagine not seeing them. But if my boyfriend approached me and said he’d love a Christmas at home just with us and our baby, I’d be secretly disappointed but I would massively respect his honesty and I would be happy to do it, and see my parents on Boxing Day instead.