Would you consider my SIL a nightmare?

[Jadec11]

Here’s a few things she’s done:
SIL announces her pregnancy at my intimate wedding (a tiny gathering but still important to us, we just wanted one day - I never got to celebrate birthdays or anything like that for myself growing up, whereas she was known to throw parties as she could always afford to)
When I shared my own pregnancy news years after, 4 months later we found out she had become pregnant despite telling everyone since her first that she did not want more kids, conceiving only a few months after finding out our news.
When I had the baby, she came over for 3 days with no invitation as i was in so much pain and not ready to have guests. She brought along her very chaotic toddler, I was still clearly on heavy meds after traumatic birth and still trying to bond with baby. Instead of recovering I was tiding up after SIL daughter while SIL cuddled my baby, took photos as if it were her own child and expected my hubby to entertain her daughter. Even hiding away didn’t help as they don’t not knock before entering rooms so I had no privacy and ended up leaving the house on multiple occasions to get away from her, it was so hard leaving my baby.
I have discussed this with SO and he is supportive in private but is clearly too scared and set in his ways to challenge her, she has always gotten her own way with parents/ family. AIBU or would you consider her a nightmare?
Please share if anyone else has similar issues with SIL and how you manage it.

A "bad gut feeling" that your SIL might decide to have another baby and therefore prevent you from being the only pregnant woman in the world? Come on, OP, that's some wild main character energy there.

She’s only a nightmare because you and your DH let her be…stand up for yourselves ffs.

I don't really understand this point where she said she had no where else to go. I think you and your husband both need firmer boundaries and should have said no at this point, or explained you visited already we aren't having visitors again today.
Why not send the MIL down to visit them if that was who she was also saying she was there to see?

Sorry op, I wouldn’t call that a nightmare- I’ve always thought when people announce things at weddings it’s more that they’re more caught up in the excitement and loveliness of the day snd their news comes out. I think people visit when someone’s had a baby to see said baby … you sound like perhaps you don’t love her and maybe overthink things which is fair enough but she doesn’t seem totally easy either

My sister was like this. When I had my son she came round every day with her 2 kids. I tried ignoring the door one day and she stood there most of day knocking on the door !
Tell your sil you'd prefer if she rang ahead first and then think of an excuse why you won't be in. You can't avoid her forever sadly .

She sounds like a nightmare based on the visit but as PP have said there are ways to set boundaries there.

I know announcing one's pregnancy at a wedding isn't good etiquette but I don't think I could be bothered about that. It often becomes apparent when a woman isn't drinking (if she usually is) and if someone asks and she responds the news tends to just spread. Also if I like someone I'd just feel happy for them (and if I didn't like her I wouldn't have invited her to my wedding).

Announcing her other pregnancy after you got pregnant is such a non-issue.

As others have said, much firmer boundaries are needed from both of you.

You accuse your DH of being 'too scared' to speak to her and yet you clearly don't speak up for yourself either.

You're both going to find sticking up for your child in life very difficult if you can't manage now with his sister.

As is so often said here, "you have a dh problem".

He's really let you down. What a dissapointment.

Why did you have a bad gut feeling. Women of childbearing age decide to have a baby, honestly it's none of your business.

She sounds very much like a nightmare to me!

I wonder if you just need to be more blunt with her, she sounds like she has the hide of a rhino and she might not even find it offensive in the way others would.

For the visit, not sure how he was supposed to stop her telling people she was pregnant or to stop her getting pregnant the second time. I can't imagine my brother having any say in when I got pregnant.

The visit would annoy me but then I'd just explain I didn't want them there so it wouldn't happen to me. It was your choice to let her stay, it was your choice to clean up after her child and your choice to go out and leave your newborn with her. Not her fault. The rest is beyond trivial and a bit princessy of you. I'm not even sure what the point of mentioning she had a second baby is.

@MrsTerryPratchett Can I just say that this is SO good?

“If you choose to say nothing, you made a decision. Be OK with that decision. The other person doesn’t know. Being passive is a valid choice. But it is a choice. And it’s yours so stand by it. Or choose to be assertive and deal with the consequences of that. There is no third option where you get exactly what you want without asking for it.”

The wedding thing was crap. YANBU
getting pregnant after you is not a nightmare move yabu
the visiting was on your dh to manage. And if you needed space you should have gone to your bedroom with the baby and told them you were both taking a nap. And leave any tidying up to your dh!!

Your SO let you down badly but you know you need to speak up. When SIL grabs your baby, you need to grab your child back from her (using as much force as necessary). You need to tell SIL to look after her bratty child and leave SO to clean up after her.

Unless she’s disabled or unwell, why isn’t MIL cooking, cleaning and generally looking after you? What’s the point of her staying there if she’s not helping?

Totally agree.

Another woman having a baby is neither here nor there. The op choosing to tidy up after her sil is her own decision. I dont know why the OP is framing the sil as somehow responsible for this

But her dh allowing his sister to stay for 3 days is absurd.

Tell her to go and stay with your SiL then!!

The squatting at your house when you had a newborn is completely thoughtless of her and pretty shit behaviour. The other pregnancy stuff is not a big deal but I've never understood the issue with telling people you are pregnant at any point and it overshadowing someone else's occasion. Just adds to it rather than overshadowing in my experience.

She’s an attention seeking, selfish bitch. If you don’t say anything then she will walk all over you.