Why do men lie?

[Suchafool11]

I met someone who is married and we were just friends to begin with. Got on really well, no hint of any smarmyness. Then I got the odd compliment which I thought was weird but didn't know how to respond so just said thanks. Time went on and he told me they live together but live separate lives, for the children.

We got on well and I believed him. Ihe complimented me more and I started to fall for the attention. It felt good.
Next thing his wife tells me she knows what's going on and to never contact either her or him again. Did he lie about his personal circumstances? And if so I can't believe I would fall for that. I would never want to actively try and wreck a marriage. I wish I could say sorry and it seems we've both been played. Why do men do this? Please be gentle, I might have been naive but it still hurts!

Some men do it because some women believe it.

You're not stupid.

You chose to believe the oldest line in the book because you wanted to 🤷‍♀️

They lie to get what they want …. Also to avoid arguments … well to avoid anything really!

Because women hear what they want to hear?

They lie to get what they want.

The correct answer to ‘we live separate lives and stay together for the children’ is ‘goodbye’.

He might even believe that. But they are IN FACT together. So you don’t date him.

Because they can.
Because it gets them what they want.

Men lie women lie.
Their both the same.

At the risk of not being kind to you...

Perhaps the thread would be better titled as "Why do women lie to themselves"

He told you he was living with someone, had kids with someone
He didn't tell you he was in an open relationship or that they practised ENM.
He told you that (at the very least) they were together for the kids.

he complimented me more and I started to fall for the attention. It felt good.

You knew he wasn't single.

Whether or not he and her were romantically entangled, a burgeoning relationship between you and him would represent a disruption to their child-raising partnership. In fact, if they truly are not romantically entangled, then you represent even more of a threat to that family stability.

He told you what you wanted to hear to get you into bed - it probably felt good to him to get affection and sex. So there's the answer to your original question.

But ask why did you lie to yourself? Was it similarly, just because it felt good??

If so, then there's not much difference between men and women when it comes to lying to get what you want.

Are you really that gullible?
Him and his wife lead seperate lives ,aye I bet that was news for his wife!

They lie to get what they want, just like women do.

You knew he was married, what additional information did you need? Wise up OP. There is no gentle advice I can think of.

They lie because they know they sometimes get away with it. They have no intention of leaving their wives so don’t care if they hurt you.

I think you’d have to be very young or naive to believe these men.

What do you mean why? Are we looking for a more sophisticated answer than “to get you into bed”?

I agree with the PP who said why did you lie to yourself about this man

Not sure I fully agree, with respect. In this instance, living together would've been a red flag, I agree. But in other instances people can lie in relationships without the other party knowing. Placing the blame on the victim is unfair. As to why do men (actually this could be people) lie? Avoiding conflict, wanting their cake and eat it, to make themselves look good, to make others look bad, genuinely misremembering, ego and pride, uncertainty about what they want, social nicities. There's really a multitude of reasons. Sometimes it's really hard to decipher.

That tale is as old as time. Men and Women lie, start with small lies, they get away with it and soon they tell great whoppers.

Men lie for an easy life to get what they want.

Also see. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to (hurt you / upset you / new you’d be angry ) so knew he was doing wrong but did it anyway and uses their feelings against them.

Same in cheating, same with often Mil issues when it’s actually a Dh issue and same with childcare/leaving work early issues. He will appease both sides because sorry love I tried while actively lying to both.

Mrs won’t let me (didn’t ask I don’t want to go), boss said no (no way was I leaving work early to do childcare so I didn’t ask), mum said she’s coming regardless (I actually invited her or want her to come)

I didn’t realise how much men lied until after I’d married one, and that’s why I’d never marry or cohabitate again.
Id say the answer is for an easy life and to get what they want.

Yes that old chestnut! Usually along with "my wife doesn't understand me" except she does, only too well ..

To get you into bed, one would assume.

It would be pretty obvious to most people he was lying from the start

Yet women who want a project ignore all the signs and fall for it time and time again, moving from one to the next