Husband caught looking up old girlfriend

[MerryTiger]

My husband has spent the last few months on his phone . I checked it and he daily looks at old gf Instagram &facebook. No contact.
our son heard us arguing about it & now refuses to speak the us. Husband claims he was curious?? Only wanted to see what she was up to ?

Isn't that a bit controlling?

How long since he’s been split with her?
Bit odd to start looking obsessively now… has something happened in her life like a break up or with someone new etc?

There’s probably a lot wrong in your relationship if you’re checking his activity log- guessing you don’t trust him.

You both need to sort it out one way or another and try and not play this shit out in front of your children.

I find it more concerning that you’re invading his privacy like that - rifling months back through his activity history on Facebook is wildly invasive and controlling.

If he’s searched her up and her profile is just sitting at the top of his recently searched list, it’s so easy to just get into the repetitive habit of clicking on it.

Once every few months - natural. Multiples times a day, and also her sister's FB? Not natural.

Me or him ?
I only looked at his activity log once to see what he was doing as he was on his phone so much.
He was looking at her profile up to 3 times a day & checking out her sister’s posts ??

I've looked up all my exes out of curiosity, many times over the years.

One of them in particular I kept tabs on for bloody years, because he was abusive and I felt more comfortable knowing where he was living etc so I could be sure there was no chance I'd bump into him (he's dead now, thank god).

I don't have any desire to be with them and I don't find any of them physically attractive any more. It's literally just nosiness on my part.

I might do it once (ever), but not daily.

I wouldnt have invaded his privacy like you did, but if I had and that was the worst thing I'd found, I wouldn't have had the temerity to mention it. I think the snooping is worse than him looking at publicly available social media profiles, no matter how often.

A one-off is a non issue - every day, multiple times is obsessive.

I wonder if it’s what pp has suggested upthread, she’s on his search list so when you click on it you can whether there’s new posts or new comments on posts, it’s easy just to click and look.

IMO this is not ok. Every day is not normal, plus ken can be really obsessive about ‘the one that got away’ (even though they were usually shits in that relationship).

Bot sure what you can do about it other than apologise and then monitor more stealthily ;)

Yeah, it’s definitely the DAILY looking I would say signals 🚩 🚩 🚩

Controlling.

I've never once looked at my husband's activity log and would see it as extremely controlling if he asked to see mine. I have absolutely nothing to hide but it's an invasion of his privacy. Do you check his call log?

I've looked up every old flame, work colleague and person from my past. Its natural curiosity. Would not go anywhere near the old flames and I'm glad they're old flames/ in the past now. BUT its not normal to look them up everyday.

My dh was looking up someone most days. A woman. Not a friend or old flame. I went through his phone so can't tell him what I know/saw. It looked like an obsession. No affair, I know who the woman is. She doesn't know dh really at all.

Very weird to do it frequently, let alone once a day. I might look at my ex’s about once a year out of curiosity

Take it you went back to him then,is this the same ex gf from before.

Yes , sadly it is.
I know - I am the biggest fool

Why didn't you do anything about the massive alarm bells that were ringing back in may?

You were full of hope in that other thread. Ducks in a row etc...

You did nothing?

Sorry, but yabu

what is your worry? You need to define that before anything can be resolved.

Has he cheated before?

He persuaded me to stay after a lengthy conversation. Full of promises & swore he didn’t care about her. Wrong again.