Am I being a spoilt brat?

[CCb85]

I know he'll call me spoilt I'd I bring it up, but I'm just curious why it seems my husband isn't bothered about my 40th birthday? It's a week before Christmas, which isn't ideal. We have 3 young children and I've asked that we donþ do anything too elaborate because the kids need their Christmas.... we had a lovely big holiday in the summer, was for my mums 60th... but he reminds me it's part of my early bday too. Which I get is fine but i don't recall a memory, gesture or even a subtle reminder whilst out there that it was also for me, I took banners did special things for my mum.... and she deserved the fuss!!

My best friends recently arranged a girls night out for me and so I just feel he's stepped back and in that mind set of "just be grateful" ..... i am. But for a few months he's been on his phone very secretive.... only turns out he was buying himself a second hand motorbike.... I was told on the morning he was arranging to pick it up.... when I asked how he paid for it, he'd been budgeting for it/loan. Fine. His business, all I asked was it wasn't going to effect the kids Christmas! I think it's fair. It's been his "dream" to get a classic bike. He's been brought up with bikes, been awhile since he's had one.

Am I just being a brat..... I just feel very disappointed. I'm trying to organise a family meal, but my family are difficult and my brothers new partner isn't my Mums biggest fan. I've actually cancelled it.
Hrs never been romantic, but I just thought he might try. I think it'll go down to cash flow next. :/

You aren’t being a spoilt brat.

The problem here is that it seems like he is used to giving minimum.

You should be expecting him to make a fuss of you on your birthday. The fact that your friends have doesn't let him off the hook. How disappointing that all the secrecy wasn't around a surprise for you but a treat for himself!

You are not a priority in his life. It’s as simple as that.

Yanbu.
You are not a brat.
You have had 3 children with a lazy selfish man who thinks only of himself.
Drop the rope.
Start thinking of yourself.
Stop doing anything for him.
Giving so much when you receive so little is thankless.

You say he’s never been romantic, so why expect him to change now? You’re only annoying him and upsetting yourself. Accept what you can’t change.

You do sound juvenile and spoilt.

You are where you are with who you have so as not to actually ruin it - or let anyone ruin it - organise the day you’d like! Family meal? Spa day? Shopping - takeaway - don’t let your happiness rest on the shoulders of someone else otherwise sounds like you will be disappointed.

why it seems my husband isn't bothered about my 40th birthday? It's a week before Christmas, which isn't ideal.

Not ideal!? But your birthday has always been the week before Christmas, it's not like it comes as a surprise!

He sounds like he's being really u pleasant over this-I don't get why but don't leave your birthday planning to him, you'll be disappointed.

Decide what you want to do and book it. Decide what present you'd like and tell him.

Found the man troll.

How does OP sound juvenile and spoilt for heaven's sake?

I definitely don't think it's necessary to make big fuss of birthdays but I think OP has every right to expect her H to want to make the occasion a bit special for her.

It seems he is perfectly capable of getting things that he wants for himself. He should be equally capable of doing something nice for his wife.

Yes God forbid a woman expect effort or consideration on her birthday, God forbid a woman recognise something she's unhappy with in her life partnership and express it. We should all just shut up and stop annoying our man folk right?

Fucking muppet.

To be fair, it doesn't sound as if he's the only one who has let you down (not that that lets him off the hook!) Where is your mum in all this, you made a big fuss for her birthday, so why isn't she giving you that same effort back?

Your birthday hasn't happened yet. You have a girls night arranged and he may have secretly planned something? If he hasn't then I'd understand being upset, that's not nice. You are not being a brat. I'd be more angry about the bike and loan that's incredibly selfish

Why did you tell him that you didn't want to do anything elaborate? He probably thinks youre not bothered about it.
I guess all families and relationships are different, but personally I've never had anyone organise a birthday celebration for me beyond taking me out for a meal. For my 40th I planned a whole week of activities that I wanted to do. What would YOU like to do for your birthday?

I've learned never to tell DH not to do anything elaborate if I want him to do something. Could you bring it up in a gentle, "Hey, I know I said not to do anything crazy, but we are doing something, right? I'd really like to celebrate my big birthday."

Instead of telling him you don't want anything too elaborate, you should have told him that you want him to plan something nice and make it a special birthday within a reasonable budget.
Some people aren't that bothered about celebrating their own birthday, me being one of them, so you need to be clear rather than think that people will be able to read your mind.

You said "I've asked that we donþ do anything too elaborate because the kids need their Christmas...."
So maybe he thinks you don't want to do anything? He should definitely still do something for you though.

It’s a big birthday so you deserve to be spoilt for goodness sake!! Dh spoilt me rotten on my 40th with a stay in Claridges with my family and a weekend at George V in Paris and we weren’t even married.

He should be stretching himself to make it special for you (without breaking the bank though) and I’d never forget it if he did nothing.

I think you've given him mixed messages. "Don't do anything too elaborate" could mean don't bother much, a card will do.

I'd ask him what he's got planned for you and see what he says

I think he should have done more for you OP, he sounds a bit self-centred. I don't think YABU at all.

I have learned to be very clear with my DP, because he grew up in a family that didn't make any fuss about birthdays and doesn't have a natural sense of how to do it. So I explicitly remind him to buy a cake and flowers, encourage the kids to make a card etc. I tell him what to buy (e.g. please buy me a silver necklace). If it's a big birthday I will also arrange stuff for myself, like dinner with friends.

I spent years just expecting him to do these things and being disappointed. This is better! He goes along with it all and makes it really nice but he just needs the push. With your DP it's not clear whether he's a selfish arse or just a bit clueless. Try changing your message: it's ok to say you want a fuss on your birthday.

What would you like to do op, a party, a family meal, a night away? Think about what you would like, tell him that's what you want, and let him organise it. 40 is a big deal for most people, and it sounds like he won't make much effort if left to his own devices.

Nobody really cares about adult birthdays. You sound a bit needy to me.

This is evidently not true - plenty of adults care about their birthdays - but in any case this is irrelevant as the OP cares so her partner should!

OFFS.