Dance parents advice

[user2103]

Seeking advice from dance parents please -apologies its a long one!

Around six weeks ago, I had a disagreement with my childs dance principle. Acutally they were under a lot of stress and literally screamed at me with irrelevant accusations from a comment I made. I walked out of the studio and took my child as I do not believe in speaking in heightened emotion (who was unaware of what had happened) two weeks went by and I was still dropping my child at class without any further communication to their dance principle. As the principle ALWAYS has children in the studio even at the end of classes (with their own being present) I resorted to voice notes to try and resolve issues as my child is happy at the school, doing well and cannot handle any sort of change. We discussed things and I come to understand why the principle had said some things they had to me during their screaming session. To try and cut it short, there is a large clique of dance parents in the school which the principle refuses to see as their child is a part of said friendship group. These parents have influenced thoughts to the principle. For some us dance parents it's very uncomfortable to be round this clique and they are toxic. Although we had spoken via voicenotes my time in the studio has still been uncomfortable and a heightened sense of my presence not being welcome by the principle is very much felt ( I have only gone in to finish a project i had started to help with an event as I did not want to let the children down). I feel gossip with the other teachers and some parents has happened too as there is a weird 'vibe'.

I have tried to communicate with the principle how I did before it all went wrong (we had an amazing relationship before this and i was a very active part of the school), however its clear the principle is not over what previously happened. It's got the point it is effecting my mental health as dance is such a large part of my childs life. I have casually suggested to my child to move schools and I now know this is not an option, to them, hence trying to smooth over things at their current school.

My child actively competes and is quite successful, which I do post about on my social media platform. Recently as well as posting about events my cbild has had, I have also promoted show tickets for the danxe school happening at an external venue. None of which have been acknowledged by the principle. This may sound silly, however EVERY single other parents posts have been acknowledged except mine. The show has very recently happened and again parent have flurried to praise their child which EVERY single one has had comments from the principle and another teacher. Except mine. I was/ am so so proud of my dancer and it has drove me to tears how a dance teacher can validate this as acceptable conduct to be ignoring one particular child's achievement who continuously works hard with no issues in or out of the studio because of how they perceive the parent? It is effecting my mental health as I feel other parents are aware this is happening and hype from it. In a group chat we have gor an upcoming competition (so I cannot leave) two of the parents were extremely rude, mean and disrespectful to me yesterday because someone asked for information specific to our childs age group and I replied 'messaged you' and instead of shutting parents down, the principle commented too.

Genuine thoughts of how you navigate social media with you dance parents appreciated please. I know people are thinking what on earth are you still doing there but I am trying to keep my childs best interests at heart, they are happy and I know they would not settle anywhere else and would stop dancing all together which I find highly unfair as they also use dance to self regulate - another reason my dancer is good at what they love

Just take your child and collect them. Dont engage. Dont worry about social media. Ignore anything said. These people aren't your friends. Their opinion of you has no bearing on your life.

Presumably this is a commercial dance school & you're paying for a service. You don't have to like each other. Drop off, pick up, don't waste your time on social media & move your child if you think they're being treated unfairly. It all sounds ridiculously dramatic for an after school club.

This is all so dramatic, how old are you all?
Drop your daughter off, collect her and go to the shows/comps. No further thoughts needed. You are too involved.
how old is your daughter?

To be honest, it sounds like you have rubbed people up the wrong way, complaining to the principle about a clique of parents who she is part of a friendship group with. If you want your child to continue there, I'd suggest you keep your head down, drop off and pick up and stay away from social media. Let your little one enjoy the dancing and don't get more involved than that. In time, it will blow over, people will find other dramas to gossip about.

Dance Moms isn't an instruction manual. It's very highly edited. It's not supposed to be like that.

I haven't complained about the clique as there would be no point in doing so. I really don't mix with many parents at all. I think I haven't explained myself efficiently. My main concern now is the principle says they're not a nasty person but I feel like they can't move passed whatever it was they had brewing over me (honestly still dont think they know as via the voicenotes we had it seems things were 'he said, she said' therefore false preconceptions of me as the principle knows I am not this person at all, my main priority is always there are children at the centre of dancing and whatever happens their best interests come first) and now the principle is leaving my child out of her team consistently by ignoring me. The principle dorsn't actually teach my child ironically, thenonly ahe group they don't teach!. All I can do is wait in hope that my dancer realises not everyone is as kind and loving in friendships as there are and request to move. My dancer is a VERY social person and has solid friendships in other suitable schools, yet they refuse to move as they are happy where they are (I do not speak negatively/ let them know all of this whats happening). I am just really struggling with not actually doing anything to deserve this yet still gossiped about (with their dancers present) and the principle condoning it. Its almost like they feel invincible and have given them approval lately to say what they want to others and its making me very miserable when its such a large part of my dancers life and I can see where my dancer is being subtly left out or not supported as equally as their teammates.

And rhis is exactly why I am struggling. I cannot cope with conflict. I always try to keep out of the way of everyone however I am struggling with my dancer being omitted by the principle via me (they dont teach my child so I am not worried about studio activity but struggling with their lack of support aa my child is one kf the most commited in the school and is always representing them with team and independent events with fantastic results!)

My son is a dancer and I can’t relate - I drop off and pick up (at least 3 classes/rehearsals a week so it’s a big part of our lives) and go to shows but that’s about it. The what’s app group is used to share factual information and for the teachers to post videos of dances so the students can practice at home.

If you’re concerned about your child being treated differently because of all this (slightly OTT sounding) parent/teacher activity, I would move them to a different dance school as they aren’t all like that.

And this is exactly why I am struggling. I cannot cope with conflict. I always try to keep out of the way of everyone however I am struggling with my dancer being omitted by the principle via me (they don't teach my child so I am not worried about studio activity but struggling with their lack of support as my child is one of the most commited in the school and is always representing them with team and independent events with fantastic results!)

Focus on the fact your child has said they are happy at their dance school. Drop off / pick up and reassess IF your child’s feelings change.

Don’t make this about you.

I can really empathise. I have an autistic daughter and advocating for her can be challenging and things were definitely misconstrued a couple of years ago in a group she attends and I helped loads with fir many years. It feels unfair as I’m also aware one member of staff has said things to others that is untrue to protect herself from something she did wrong which is what caused the issue in the first place.

I’ve had to take a total step back as she still enjoys the group so I drop and go but keep the moral high ground. I can’t wait until she leaves but have had to put my own hurt feelings aside as ultimately she’s happy. Leave/archive all groups, hide anyone on social media related to the group so it doesn’t pop up that she’s liking and commenting (if deleting them is too nuclear). Time will heal (mainly!).

It's principal

Anyway .just switch off from social media and focus on whether or not your daughter is happy there. If she is, all well and good. If not ,.time to find a less cliquey dance school

But of course a clique to one person is just a friendship group to another, so tread mindfully

What was the conflict about? What was it that you said initially, that ended up in the principal yelling at you? Because if you made a comment on the "clique" (which also includes her child so she's probably friends with the parents?) I can see why things have become awkward. I think it's more about your child feeling happy and welcome, but it sounds like you think there's an issue for your child now, not getting opportunities?

The word is principal not principle----

I'm confused, if the principal doesn't teach your child directly then how can they be "leaving them out?" You're overthinking this, it's your kids hobby, drop off, pick up, volunteer at events where appropriate/it benefits your child and other than that just move on.

I don't really know any of the parents at dd's dance school. It just happens that many of the kids go to the same school whereas we live slightly further afield so we don't have pre-existing relationships with them. I chaperone shows so I know them to say hello to but that's as far as it goes. I don't perceive myself to be left out or excluded from a clique, they just have an established dynamic and I'm not part of it.

Politely correcting is fine. Calling people names is not

How does the principal leave your son out if she doesn't teach him?

OP just abandon social media and move your little boy to a different school

My kid dances. I’m not in any clique. I don’t speak to parents. I drop my kid and fetch my kid. The. End. You sound like a big drama llama. Your kid is happy. Leave it. Stop posting on socials. Stop trying to make them like you. Just stop

Don't engage like the first poster said. Let your child dance but stop trying to get their approval. Only get involved if something actually is bothering your child.

My dd does dance at a dance school and there is a group of dance moms there that are the most horrible people I have ever met. Not just horrible to the other parents but also horrible to any kids that aren't part of their group. I was genuinely stunned when I had the misfortune of having to spend 2 days with them during dd's first dance show.

Anyway you don't need any of their endorsement and you don't have to be popular with them. Some people just suck.

OP I’m not a dance mum, but ex gymnastics and now netball. Both of which have a similar vibe. You don’t need to get involved in the politics. You drop your child off, pick her up. If she’s actually talented she’ll be chosen to compete. It’s really that simple. If she’s average, sometimes she’ll get picked, sometimes she won’t, regardless of what your opinion of her performance is. And by the time she’s about 14 (I’m guessing she’s younger), she’ll have lost interest and you’ll have wasted all this angst over something that’s really not important.