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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How respond to behaviour like this

44 replies

Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 14:06

I’m learning, in later life, the way we respond to situations and people, is a gift.

A couple we were friends with are seemingly phasing us out. They’re local parent friends, children are drifting apart, all fine.

The challenge I have is the husband is point blank rude to me. He all but rolls his eyes when he sees me, ignores me when we do go to group events with them. We are all in a small tight knit community, and bump into another often. This man is one to offer his help, whether it be running after or watching one of the kids briefly when out, or lift something. A true gentleman. However, recently he watched me struggling In a situation for an hour or so and again just pretended I wasn’t there.

If I try to speak to him, he keeps it as short as possible and walks off, and won’t be back. Won’t say hi to me first. I don’t know what has changed as we were once at one another’s for dinners, play dates and most weekends for walks and such.

I am not a confrontational person, and I don’t mind if people have other priorities, so naturally I would do as I’m doing, just be polite but not make an effort but I’m at a stage now where I feel like just not saying hello and ignoring him, because I’m fed up and also to see what he does. Given I don’t care enough to fix it, I’m happier just taking back a bit of control and stop welcoming someone I see who clearly would rather not be engaged with.

Is that immature?

OP posts:
Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:09

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 17/11/2025 14:56

It doesn't sound as if you are finding the way you respond to this to be a "gift" at all. You've obviously given it a lot of thought to the point of ruminating about it.

Yes afraid that’s in my nature. I over think. By gift I mean I how I react is a gift, as a younger woman I reacted to things but now I don’t.

OP posts:
Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:12

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 17/11/2025 14:41

Where were you that he watched you struggle for an hour?

Children’s birthday party akin to a zoo/rave. 130 people (kids and adults) in a tiny room with entertainment in each corner and tables/chairs for food taking up most of the space. Not safe for a crawling baby and my older child was half holding my legs, crying due to over stimulation then trying to go on the bouncy castle which was a hazard in itself. When I told said dad DH was away and I was solo parenting all weekend he just said good on him and walked off didn’t come near me again. Another dad did offer to get me a wine and help down the stairs to car.

OP posts:
TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 17/11/2025 15:15

130 people at ONE child’s birthday party? That’s madness! Your child’s?
and assuming not uk if you had wine at softplay then drove?

OneBusyFinch · 17/11/2025 15:15

be like the penguins on Madagascar OP - just smile and wave!

You know this is nothing about you and all about him. Just carry on behaving politely to everyone - if people choose to be weird, that’s on them. The idea of asking a man if you’ve done something to offend just plays into the ‘women need to please’ theme of olden days. You know that if you’d inadvertently offended an adult that you know, you’d expect an adult to have an adult conversation with you about it.

keep giving him a big smile and cheery wave

Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:18

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 17/11/2025 15:15

130 people at ONE child’s birthday party? That’s madness! Your child’s?
and assuming not uk if you had wine at softplay then drove?

Edited

No. Someone with too much money and little sense who proudly told me 45 children and 80 adults after I arrived. I was quite annoyed as it was overwhelming for most, but particularly me solo with very young kids. Again, whenever someone goes away this couple were very much let’s help one another, what can we arrange as we’ve all been there. They knew I was alone all weekend and couldn’t even ask if I wanted a hand when in the same room.

OP posts:
Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:19

I also didn’t drink! He asked if I wanted a wine and I said no. I’m trying to lose baby weight. Health kick.

OP posts:
something2say · 17/11/2025 15:21

I think you probably have the right idea, that you are being phased out and they may be judging you. It could be something else, BUT the point is, you notice a drift.

I think this is OK. Things do drift. Think of a time when someone has just annoyed you to the point you'd rather they didn't see you. Think how it is if they corner you and say, 'what have I done, why aren't you my friend anymore?' It would be hideous and you'd still not tell the truth.

Therefore when it happens to me, I immediately give them the space they are asking for and either we come together again later down the line, or we do not.

It's just life, nothing wrong with you, it happens to you and from you, just like the rest of us. Brush it off and carry on. Don't make eye contact from now on, deliberately, and just get on with your own thing, and don't expect anything of him.

Illegally18 · 17/11/2025 15:26

Swiftie1878 · 17/11/2025 14:25

Have you asked them what you’ve done to offend/upset them?! There’s clearly been something.

No there isn't. People often dislike other people for their own fucked up reasons.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 17/11/2025 15:39

If you feel you have no option but to acknowledge them, do a gliding greeting aimed at the wife.
Walk past, don't stop, whilst smiling at her (& ignoring him) saying hi Amelia nice to see you. Just keep going until you reach someone you do want to speak to/get toddler to the toilet/drinks tabie etc.
You've not ignored "them", not been rude so someone could come back at you "oooh what's up with you lot" etc.
Nice easy fade out.

PGmicstand · 17/11/2025 16:11

Not quite the same situation but my DC made friends with a child in their class when they moved to senior school. They were friends through years 7 and 8 but had a falling out. Whilst the children were friends, the parents were friendly with us (inviting us in for coffee etc. if we picked up/dropped off for a sleepover, and I had a few evenings out with the mother).
Since the children fell out I've seen the father at a couple of school events and he completely blanks me.

Bizarre, but I just let them get on with it.

I do have friends where our DC are not still in touch but I've maintained a friendly relationship with one/both parents.

Swiftie1878 · 17/11/2025 16:26

Illegally18 · 17/11/2025 15:26

No there isn't. People often dislike other people for their own fucked up reasons.

Sure, but it’s rare to become very good friends and then just decide you don’t like someone. There’s usually a catalyst.

InterestedDad37 · 17/11/2025 16:26

Please forgive me OP, but I was intrigued by the Tudor era children 😀

How respond to behaviour like this
How respond to behaviour like this
Illegally18 · 17/11/2025 16:29

Swiftie1878 · 17/11/2025 16:26

Sure, but it’s rare to become very good friends and then just decide you don’t like someone. There’s usually a catalyst.

true.

Tessasanderson · 17/11/2025 16:33

It sounds to me like you have done something to annoy or upset him. Most people have other people they dont really like or get on with in 'friendship groups'. Thats life everyone cant be the best of friends.

His actions are that of someone who is more than that though. He is actively focussing his attitude at you.

This is going to boil down to asking him if you have done something he doesnt like or just ignoring him and seeing if it blows over. TBH he has shown his feelings about you and i would just move on and mirror his actions

Tessasanderson · 17/11/2025 16:40

Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:12

Children’s birthday party akin to a zoo/rave. 130 people (kids and adults) in a tiny room with entertainment in each corner and tables/chairs for food taking up most of the space. Not safe for a crawling baby and my older child was half holding my legs, crying due to over stimulation then trying to go on the bouncy castle which was a hazard in itself. When I told said dad DH was away and I was solo parenting all weekend he just said good on him and walked off didn’t come near me again. Another dad did offer to get me a wine and help down the stairs to car.

It could be a multitude of things

  1. Kids not getting on (Maybe he has been told to not get involved so he is following instructions)
  2. Your parenting style (Maybe he finds your parenting different to his and doesnt want to get involved)
  3. You have upset him
  4. (Far out suggestion) He and his DW had the conversation of who he fancies in the friendship group and your name popped up........
TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 17/11/2025 17:07

Mistymeg · 17/11/2025 15:19

I also didn’t drink! He asked if I wanted a wine and I said no. I’m trying to lose baby weight. Health kick.

I was just wondering where I’d find a soft play with medicinal wine!!

BauhausOfEliott · 17/11/2025 17:36

Everything you've said about this couple suggests that you really don't like them very much. You're turning your nose up at their lifestyle re. the clothes and ironing (?!) and you didn't like his 'strong opinions' so I don't really see that you need to respond at all. You've grown apart as friends. You don't like them very much any more, and presumably they don't like you very much either. That's literally it. I don't really see what the problem is; this is a mutual drifting apart and nobody's done anything wrong.

I also don't really see why you expected this man and this man alone to help you with your child at a party? There were 80 other adults there and any one of them could have helped you out.

Was he one of the people 'with more money than sense' who arranged the party? As you don't seem to like them very much either.

NovemberMorn · 17/11/2025 17:41

How is his wife with you, has she changed at all?
To be honest, it sounds like the husband just doesn't like you very much, he probably tolerated you when your children were friendly, now they have drifted apart he can't be bothered even being polite....he is a jerk.
I sure as hell would not be pleasant to someone who was downright rude to me, my advice would be just to ignore him, he will probably be relieved.

PixieandMe · 18/11/2025 15:43

'Their new friends dress their children like the Tudor era and talk about ironing around the clock, even the kids Nursey clothes and casual wear.'

This gave me a laugh!

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