AIBU for being fed up with how quick people are to judge online?

[BetaBreaker]

Whenever I research something related to parenting on the internet - specifically on forums and chats like MN - I find the responses can often be so quick to judge and often harsh. I know it's a very polarising subject, and also that there are many lovely people giving supportive and balanced responses (especially on MN). But many responses are so depressingly black and white, judgemental, superior and lecturing. Isn't it all hard enough as it is without bringing each other down? Aren't most of us all trying our absolute best and looking for support? Personally I have a DS (4) who isn't "easy" (suspected neurodivergence). He is wonderful but basic tasks can often be challenging for us. I often come away from reading MN feeling a bit down that I'm not doing a good enough job. Sorry just needed a moan. I'll probably get some harsh judgemental reactions and serve me right too haha.

Other parts of MN are much more supportive than AIBU. Try the SEN board for a start.

The anonymity brings out the keyboard warrior in lots of people and they don’t apply any filter to what they say.

I think you’ve missed the point of the AIBU board to be honest, if someone posts here asking if they are being unreasonable it’s inevitable they will get answers to that. Other boards are better for sensitive issues and hopefully won’t make you feel that way though.

I know exactly what you mean. I have a fairly innocuous thread running on style and beauty about what to wear for an afternoon tea, and had lots of lovely advice from people, but others were falling over themselves to tell me how overrated afternoon teas were and how it would probably be awful. Why would you say that? What does it add to the discussion? I think it must give people a little buzz of superiority, but I just don’t get it.

People on MN just love to put other peoples parenting down. I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm never sure what people mean when they say "judge" in this context - judge them to be guilty of something? Or does it mean "display disapproval"?

AIBU is there for people who want to show disapproval.... I think that's pretty well-known!

Personally I have a DS (4) who isn't "easy" (suspected neurodivergence). He is wonderful but basic tasks can often be challenging for us. I often come away from reading MN feeling a bit down that I'm not doing a good enough job.

Aww

What you need to do is post about it truthfully, but then change it from yourself to your SIL and her son, and say 'AIBU to think she isn't doing a good enough job?'... you'll get loads of people inadvertently validating you

But many responses are so depressingly black and white, judgemental, superior and lecturing

@BetaBreaker Remember that everyone here and everywhere else says / writes what they think the best way they can articulate it. It doesn't mean that everyone else understands or perceives what they read the way it was meant. There is what you think you meant and then there is what other people think you meant and those two things are not always the same. Then the same goes for people's responses: there is what you think they meant and what they really meant. Sometimes the two are the same and sometimes they are not.

Is that any surprise? Not really. Just take a look at all those threads describing on a daily basis how even husbands and wives and children and parents cannot communicate easily such that they understand each other. What is there left to say about any communication between strangers behind their screens when you cannot read any of the non-verbal cues that would in any way help you read anything between the lines?

People are judging you just as quick IRL as online, they're just not voicing it.

That isn't meant to be negative, by the way, it's just how it is. Just let it wash over you. What does their opinion matter, really?

If you are posting on the SEN boards about a 4 year old with suspected neurodivergence who struggles with basic tasks, I’d be very surprised if you’re getting a slew of replies negatively judging your parenting.

if, however, what you mean is that you’re reading AIBU and imagining those posters commenting on your child’s difficulties either basic stuff, I think that’s on you to an extent. AIBU is just a bunfight space. If anyone took any of it to heart they’d never get out of bed again.

Oh my god, how many of these effing threads about how awful MN and it's members are we going to have!

OP, why don't you just read and contribute to one or more of the 50 threads a week that we're already having on exactly this subject.