Sex after argument

[valeeei]

Hello all, my husband and I had a heated argument a month ago. We both said some really nasty things to each other. Since then I’ve been in therapy I suggested we get couples therapy but he was against it so I’ve been going alone. He still wants to have sex and the couple of times we did I never was fully engaged because i still think about the things said in the argument. Last week I told my husband that maybe we should take a pause on sex for a while 1-2 weeks and sit down and really discuss what happened. He basically told me he can’t go without sex I think it’s other ways to express love and I think it could help.

You don't have to have sex you don't want to have, and it sounds like you don't want to have sex with your husband right now. Whether he respects you enough to come to the table and talk, with or without sex, is a separate question. I assure you, though, he will not drop dead from lack of sex.

Of course he can go without sex for a couple of weeks! Does he think his dick will fall off if he doesn’t?
I wouldn’t find him very attractive if he couldn’t be mature enough to talk things through.

Nonsense. What does he suggest will happen if he doesn't have sex for a fortnight, OP? Most couples have dry periods as a normal part of life, due to illness or travel or stress or post-childbirth.

Argument aside, it sounds like he is now trying to pressure you into having sex with him and that is absolutely not OK. You don't have to have any sex that you don't enthusiastically consent to and it's extremely worrying that he doesn't believe that.

What exactly did he say?

It is very reasonable to say that you are in pain and need to talk before you can think positively about sex.

If he “can’t” go without sex he needs to resolve the argument then doesn’t he?

Pausing sex is an odd one though, can you not just have a talk and at the same time not have sex? It doesn’t need to be said if you know what I mean! Just talk surely!

He doesn’t want to do anything to repair your relationship yet he demands you have regular sex with him that he knows you do not want.

You should not stay with this man.

He’s showing how much he cares about you, which is very little unfortunately.

Surely any arguement that is of a level to leave you needing therapy means the marriage is basically over. That is not normal. Definitely don't have sex with him if you don't want to.

I cannot imagine what was said in an argument that would drive you into therapy.
And I cannot imagine having sex with someone who said those things.

You don’t have to have sex with anyone you don’t want to. There’s a thing called consent which is quite important!

Sounds like your marriage is on its uppers. Get your ducks in a row.

Does he honestly just think that you are his human support appliance who appears to be malfunctioning.

Because that sounds very much what you are describing.

He really, really should not treat you like this. I think you need more than a pause.

time for a serious think about how you want your life to be. This is no way to live.