Husband works away from home 6 days a week

[JenniferAmb]

As the title says, my husband spends 6 days at a time away from home. He is a HGV driver and drives mostly around the UK and is not able to come home. FYI we have 2 young girls, age 1 and 3.

When he does come home on the Sunday, he's too tired to do anything. He does take us out, but when we get home. Thats it.. He wants to shut down. Play on the PS5 and does not want anyone to talk to him.

He doesn't do anything fun/romantic. He is emotionally unavailable for me. Otherwise he is a really good dad to the kids and takes us away on holiday about every 3 months. If I ever wants anything, he will always do it for me. If I ask him to look after the kids, he also will. However, I have to ask him, and we have to plan it.

But the problem here is he is not physically/emotionally there for me on a regular basis. Whenever I bring this up, it ends up in an argument and we usually just stop talking to each other. I'm tired of feeling like this. I do everything at home. When he come home, he comes home to a clean house, freshly cooked meals and his laundry ready for him to take with him. I'm fed up of being the only one looking after my kids. What do I do?

Also he's working so much for the 'future' of our children. Don't think he's realising there is also a present. Please help me out guys, I am stuck here.

He needs a different job or to significantly reduce his hours if that’s financially feasible. I would absolutely hate this too it’s completely unfair.

Is this a new job? If not, surely you thought about this before you had children together?

Also, he doesn't 'take you on holiday', this is not the 1950's - you go on holiday together.

Difficult situation
I presume that he provides for you all and pays the bills.
Meanwhile you have responsibility for the cc and household.
I can see both sides.
Take care OP
Things will get better, your children are very young

Does he have any other options to change jobs to something where he's able to spend more time together?

I thought HGV drivers were in huge demand. Which means he should be able to negotiate, and essentially get a job that isn’t 6 days a week.

Do you work? Would it not be better if you worked a bit more & him less? I am assuming his pay is decent but I would not want to be away 6 days/week. Does he stay away overnight 5 nights? I’m not surprised you’re a bit fed up.

What was it like when you were dating / engaged / first married and prechildren ?

or is this a new job ?

Working 6 days a week can’t be easy for him either and he does seem to be trying to be an involved husband and father. I can understand his need for some down time. Has he opened up about how he feels and if he’d like to reduce his hours?

My partner is also a tramper. He does 5 on 3 off and is exhausted for his first couple of days off so it's no wonder your poor husband is shattered being out for 6 nights each week. It sounds like he's really doing his best on the day he's home considering he's basically running on an empty tank by then.

Not there 6 days a week? Sounds like living the dream to me, to be honest. 😂

How many days does he get off between coming home and going away again?

I can understand him being drained when he comes home on the Sunday.
Please tell me he doesn’t then have to go away again on Monday?!

Do not HGV drivers have a limited number of hours they are legally allowed to work per week…?

Anyway, given that his job takes him away, his absence from the home is unavoidable, to an extent. Would he agree to do a six day week every other week, and have a couple of weekends a month with his family.

However, I am an old and dreadful cynic. I have seen many men claim to have oh-so-important jobs, but when prodded admit that they find family life a chore.

As asked is it a new job, or has the second baby made you feel isolated? The age your children are means your holidays won't contain very much romantic moments for quite a while. If he can't change jobs, then you need to work out exactly what you need and see if it's possible. It could be via video calls etc. My DD's BF has flowers, little gifts, sent to her. He listens and gets it right. Having a shared vision for the future also connects couples. This stage of your life isn't forever, but it takes work from you both.