Will it ever work

[mothertomany2025]

I’ve been seeing a lovely man for 6 months, him and his ex split over 2 years ago and remain friends until she found out I was on the scene now will ring him and tell him he doesn’t put enough effort into the kids, he has them 4 days a week but she’s not happy with this as he used to go round every day after work until the children went to bed. A few months ago she got wind he was seeing me and told him she still loved him, I asked him to put boundaries in place and have the children at his which he says he does. She will ring and say she’s been invited to a party and wants to take the children but can’t if he doesn’t go with them, I’m so confused she’s vile to him and he bends over backwards because he’s a good guy but when she calls him all the names under the sun he will shut himself off from the world and she will ring and demand he has the kids that day aswell. I love him but it’s sooooo so stressful, I feel like I’m forcing him in one direction and her in another and I don’t want that for him I want him to be happy. I don’t know if it’s kinder to let him go and sort this stuff himself in his own time. His kids are young 3 and 7 she’s definitely getting worse with her control of him and not better, she uses the kids a lot

Save yourself a lot of stress and just leave now.
If he doesn’t put boundaries in place (and he won’t if he hasn’t already) this is just going to get worse.

He has but doesn’t seem to stick to them as time goes on they don’t stand, thank you for your advice xx

He needs a court order and a backbone.

This won't get any better until he has both, I would throw this one back.

Don't get involved in this mess it will be ghastly and never ending.

Thing is she was more than happy when he was there every single day, since he stopped she’s making life very difficult, I feel resentful not of his children of the dictatorship xx

You won't ever be his priority..
Save yourself a load of stress and end things now.

Thank you for the advice and taking the time to respond, I thought with him being single so long that there would be good strong routines and things in place, I realise now that wasn’t the case. I don’t want to cause anyone hurt she screams and shouts at him in the street infront of the children, he genuinely couldn’t do more for her if he tried xx

He has to prioritise the kids. Unless your happy to be part time girl friend and NOT have kids with him then you need to walk away

I’m more than happy for him to prioritise the children I wouldn’t want to be with a man that didn’t, but it’s the way he’s treated and if he won’t go to her friends birthday party then she says the kids can’t go either and they will be disappointed he’s let them down it’s just hard xx

Dump him

Run like the wind. Sorry OP.

THIS.

So many women have been in a similar position. This is never going to change. If you nag and nag at him and have repeated arguments over it, it might change a tiny bit temporarily before it drifts back to being just like this. And in the meantime he will tell the ex and the kids that the changes are your fault and you made him do it. As the temporary changes drift back he will problem to you about them.

His ex is unreasonable. He knows his ex is unreasonable. He goes along with it because he wants to. Him wanting to go along with it isn't going to change and if you try to get him to change you're on a hiding to nothing. If he wanted things to change he would have already put boundaries in place with no prompting from anyone else. He doesn't want the boundaries -and if he's moaning at you about the ex its because he likes to be a martyr.

Spare yourself the heartache and get out now.

He is a wet flannel and neither parent is putting the children first a mother demanding things and the father doing as he is told is not putting children in any order

This is all very dysfunctional and it will go back to normal once he is single again, everyone knows this

But it is not up to you to demand anything you have ever right not to accept any of it but you cant make demands, is it really worth it?

Does he have a magic dick or something? No man is worth this level of agro. Your life will be much simpler and more peaceful without him.

I don’t want to put any demands I know it’s just pulling him in every direction and I care about him too much to do that, I think she’s trying to use up every part of his free time to cause issues and then ultimately like a previous poster said he will go back to being there every day, when he refused to go to the party he offered to drive her and the children there and back but she decided this wasn’t enough, I just feel it’s all so bloody much. I don’t want my heart broken, I don’t want the stress and I don’t want to be the cause of other people’s stress.

@PollyBell I have actually said this about Britney putting the children first when all they do is argue Infront of them, it just seems an impossible situation. I worry because I’ve had no contact due to injunctions against my ex for 7 years that maybe this is a normal co parenting situation that I have just never experienced xx

It's definitely not a normal co-parenting situation and he knows that. He does it for one of two reasons - either because deep down he wants his family back together or because (more likely) he will do anything for a quiet life.

Either way, its not compatible with being someone else's partner. And it's not going to change.

Well thank you ladies unfortunately due to him assisting her with an eye appointment today I have decided to call it quits you were all right…….. I have officially given up on dating!

Not too mention the 7am fone calls and 10pm ones and all the ones in between during the day. Time to eat too much over Christmas and go back into my shell