I think I've posted something similar before, if not then previous posts may highlight bigger issues within my immediate family and shed more light.
I feel like I've hit the point where, for my own self and feelings, I need to go low contact with my mum and sister (not as much my dad) and it's something I'm struggling to accept.
My sister has always been my mum's favourite child, always. She was never the one who got in trouble, always me as the older sister. There are a number of times where my mum clearly took her side but as a child I didn’t realise it was wrong, and as an adult I've just stuck some rose coloured glasses on. One example I can think of is when my sister and I were younger (I'm talking less than 10 years old), she kept leaving her stuff in my room. So like any 8 or 9 year old I got annoyed and threw it out, however one of her teddies went a bit too far and landed in the toilet (clean, before anyone asks). As a result my sister took a cable and repeatedly chased me and whipped me across the back, arms, legs, and left big red welts. My mum told me it was my fault as I annoyed her and being a child you accept it.
Fast forward to being a grown up and my sister and I did grow closer, both of us realising that our mum was not a good person. She fed us, kept us warm, clothed us etc but she wasnt a good mum. She never attended any sports events, never showed any interest in our lives, and due to her own mental health left us with significant amounts of trauma (mostly me as I was older and could remember). One time my mum tried to jump out a moving car as she was drunk and didnt want to leave the party we were at. I fully remember her opening the car door as we were on a dual carriageway, unclipping the seat belt, me screaming from the back and trying to hold onto her, my dad trying to keep his hand on the steering wheel and across her chest. My sister wasnt there and denies it happened, because my mum denies it.
To everyone else though my mum appears kind and generous, would do anything for anyone.
However, as a result of our childhood my sister and I have slowly become two different people. I don't expect anything from my mum, or anyone else, and I don't ask for anything (I have never asked for a birthday present etc). My sister on the other hand will forever ask my mum for things as she knows my mum will do it, almost like a way of buying that affection and love or forgiveness for our childhood.
I have tried to maintain a semi-distance from my mum as a result, my sister not so much as she is forever wanting from them.
My sister has had holidays paid for, garden renovations, house renovations, car down payments, and has barely ever paid it back in full or on time. My mum would whinge to me constantly about this and I'd just nod along because there was no point in saying anyrhing as my mum would never stop, and my sister won't either.
It's now growing to the point where my mum barely interacts with me at all. She claims she cannot come see me as she has a bad leg and cannot drive (a 10 minute door to door drive). However she can go to the gym with my sister, lunches, days out, help with renovations etc.
I have two children and my sister has none, my mum sees my sisters dog more times than her grandchildren. My mum wouldn't cancel a gym class to watch my youngest for a few hours so that I could attend a seminar at uni, for a presentation that made up 30% of my grade, but would cancel it to go on holiday or an overnight with my sister.
My final straw has come recently. My sister wants to go away on holiday for her big birthday. My mum has said her and my dad will go, and she'll pay for my sister too. My sister is annoyed that I've said I can't go due to finances. My mum hasn't once said she'd help, ever, never been brought up. They're both happy to be annoyed and disappointed I can't go though.
For my similar big birthday my mum begrudged paying for a dinner for me. I know if I suggested a holiday I'd have been told no, or been told I was paying for myself, while my mum paid for my sister too.
I feel like I am rambling a bit but this has been the straw which broke the camels back, so to speak. I am so tired of my mum treating my sister so blatantly better than me, for my sister being the favourite, for it to be so obvious too. Like have a favourite but so it sneakily.
It isn't about the holiday, I wouldnt accept her offer even if she did offer, its just about the fact she wouldnt ever offer for me. However, it feels like after putting up with so much having this be the straw is a bit ridiculous and does make it seem like i am being unreasonable.
I just don't know how to feel, and I know it isn't really an AIBU but when it comes to my mum (and family) I don't really know if I am being reasonable or not to feel the way I do, because of everything that's happened.